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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge row with sister on holiday

221 replies

Honey12346 · 23/06/2021 15:45

I'm on holiday with sister and cousin and we are going today to a small cute little island to spend two nights there. I have booked us a rent a car for this that I have paid (I can afford it) to make our lives easier, rather than taking the bus...

My cousin has went to pick up the car as she is driving and they asked for a security deposit that she cannot afford. She called my sister and I overheard the conversation. Instead of asking me if I can pay for the security deposit they started discussing can they cancel the car etc. So basically acting as if I'm not going on this trip, not even asking for my input. When I could solve this problem in 2 seconds as I can afford the deposit!

Then I overheard my sister saying the fact that I even booked this car was stressful for her???

So let me get this straight, I have booked and paid for a car and my cousin is driving. All my sister literally has to do is sit in the car and this is stressful for her???

I ran out after hearing this and I am now sitting in a park crying. My sister is calling me.

Yabu - I did something wrong
Yanbu - my sister is being a bitch

OP posts:
TellingBone · 23/06/2021 17:32

You lost me at 'small cute little island'.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/06/2021 17:33

It sounds like they've never hired a car before and diddn't understand that its just a case of leaving credit card details in case of a future claim.

How long did it take for them to drive off?

It is very sad, to be dumped like that in a strange place on holiday as they drive off in the car you paid for. That was mean.

You were only in the car park so presumably it would not have been that difficult to find you.
But if they were waiting around for several hours perhaps they expected you to make your own way to the accommodation?

I think that you over reacted but they could have given you time to calm down a bit.

HollowTalk · 23/06/2021 17:33

You've made the right decision, OP. Get yourself back home and let them get on with it. They'll be irritating each other before too long.

GreenMeeple · 23/06/2021 17:33

Sounds like this was all handled really badly.

Have you rented a car before? Deposits are pretty standard.
Did you discuss it properly with your cousin when you booked the car? Was she 100% comfortable driving an unknown car in an unknown place? Is she a confident driver? Did she get insurance?

If you arranged it and payed for it why did you not go with your cousin to collect the car? If she is chauffeuring you guys around the least you could have done is accompany her to make sure the rental when smoothly. What if there was an issue with the payment or they could not find the booking? You really should have been there.

Daisychaincarrot · 23/06/2021 17:34

Are you 15?

LizzieW1969 · 23/06/2021 17:34

As you and your sister don’t seem to like each other at all, it wasn’t the best idea to go on holiday with her.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2021 17:36

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

It sounds like they've never hired a car before and diddn't understand that its just a case of leaving credit card details in case of a future claim.

How long did it take for them to drive off?

It is very sad, to be dumped like that in a strange place on holiday as they drive off in the car you paid for. That was mean.

You were only in the car park so presumably it would not have been that difficult to find you.
But if they were waiting around for several hours perhaps they expected you to make your own way to the accommodation?

I think that you over reacted but they could have given you time to calm down a bit.

It is very sad, to be dumped like that in a strange place on holiday as they drive off in the car you paid for. That was mean.

How long do you think they should have continued to call the OP whilst she sat there ignoring them and Mumsnetting instead? Confused

The OP states she's in the park...not a car park.

Exhausted4ever · 23/06/2021 17:39

Jesus h Christ you sound like hard work! Now you're stopping and going home?! Honestly I feel for your sister and cousin

Totallyrandomname · 23/06/2021 17:39

There’s clearly a wider issue here.
Rather than focusing on this holiday/car issue I would take time to think about how you maintain boundaries and manage your relationship ongoing with your sister.

I wonder if it might be useful to look at strategies to be more assertive and make plans for how to better deal with her ignoring you (might be just not having contact with her!?)

I would at least text and tell them you are leaving. Otherwise how are they to know you are safe or not.

Hoppinggreen · 23/06/2021 17:41

You should probably holiday with your parents from now on

Original poster
Honey12346 · 23/06/2021 17:46

@KTheGrey

Sounds like your sister is the kind of person for whom everything is stressful. Hope you are going to have a couple of nice chilled out days without them.
That describes her perfectly
OP posts:
Laaaaa · 23/06/2021 17:47

Sweetheart, can you call them and catch up. Holidays with Familys can be tough and takes give and take. I would just catch up with them and apologise for my part

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 23/06/2021 17:48

OK.I see it was a park and I misread car park.
But I still wouldn't have dumped my sister (who sounds quite young) on holiday and driven off to spend two days somewhere else without waiting at least a short while. Sounds from the post like they drove off as soon as they could.
The difference would be if they knew she was safe and could get to the accommodation etc...and how long they were waiting before they drove off.

KeepingTrack · 23/06/2021 17:48

@AmberIsACertainty

Because they didn't speak with me to try to resolve it, they were just resolving it amongst themselves as if I don't exist. That was the hurtful thing that made me cry

As a outsider looking in its pretty obvious what happened. Poor communication all round.

Cousin changed their mind about being happy to drive, used cost as an excuse.

You believed the excuse and booked a car, the others reluctantly went along with it because they'd have looked like fools if they said anything at this point.

Got to car place, was asked for deposit (standard) which was the last straw, so tried to cancel car because they didn't want it anyway. Asking you to pay deposit doesn't fix the issue of them not wanting a car hence not wanting to talk to you about it and declining your offer to pay.

You stormed off, didn't answer phone, they've no idea where you are or when you'll be back.

They know you don't want to take the bus. They know there's bad feeling between you all now. Due partly to them being dicks not being honest about not wanting car and partly you being a dick with all the dramatics (they're not trying to cut you out of the holiday, paranoia there, they just don't want a car) and what with it being a holiday, they don't fancy a trip with an angry upset person, so left without you.

FYI OP hire cars are stressful. They don't feel like your usual car to drive, takes a day or two to get used to them and driving feels more stressful during that time, needs more concentration and they're already in an unfamiliar area having to concentrate extra because of that too. Then there's parking, with tourist spots there's a lot to be said for the convenience of public transport. There's also the stress of not scratching, denting, dirtying or dropping food or drink in the hire car because if that happens you lose your deposit. Car accidents and thefts aren't always the driver's fault but you'd lose your deposit anyway and driver would have to fess up about accident to their own insurance on their own car, even though that insurance company isn't involved, because them's the rules and the driver's premium would likely go up next time. I can totally see why they want to take the bus.

If they had had such an issue with driving OR paying the deposit, they wouldn’t have taken the care for the two days.

It seems that having a car wasn’t that bad after all was it? Not was it an issue to actually find the money for the deposit.

@Honey12346, I would call the rental car and check how they have paid the deposit. I would be worried that they have managed to put that in YOUR CC (the one you used to pay for the rental) so any damage to the car would be your responsibility.

diddl · 23/06/2021 17:50

So sister ignores you in general but you holiday with her anyway(??!!)
You ignore her & cousin by hiring a car that they don't want & one of them has to drive.
They ignore you by taking car without you.
You ignore them by packing bags & leaving.

Exhausting!

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 17:52

@DuckbilledSplatterPuff

OK.I see it was a park and I misread car park. But I still wouldn't have dumped my sister (who sounds quite young) on holiday and driven off to spend two days somewhere else without waiting at least a short while. Sounds from the post like they drove off as soon as they could. The difference would be if they knew she was safe and could get to the accommodation etc...and how long they were waiting before they drove off.
It would have been some time, becayse she had to get the car and come back then they had to load it up etc, the sister was calling the op,

The ops still not said what she said when she ran out crying, but I suspect it’s part of why they left without her.

Plus this much drama is exhausting.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2021 17:55

I think this is one of those situations where hearing the other side of the story could be a real eye opener.

RaspberryCoulis · 23/06/2021 17:55

Seriously, how do people function with this level of constant DRAMA going on in their lives? All this storming off, crying in parks...really?

I think I have "stormed off" twice in my entire life, and I'm almost 50. And crying in a park? Seriously woman, get a grip.

Cryalot2 · 23/06/2021 17:58

BrewFlowers
Families can be so hurtful. I sadly know.
Is there a big age difference or something? Sounds like she is very jealous of you.
Hoping you have a nice time even you go alone.

Posieandpip · 23/06/2021 17:58

This is all so ridiculous. Of everyone involved. I'm exhausted and having angsty teenage flashbacks just reading it.

storminabuttercup · 23/06/2021 18:02

Op are you sure they've gone? And it's not that they aren't back yet?

DysmalRadius · 23/06/2021 18:04

Why did your cousin call your sister about the car rather than you? Surely you'd contact the person who booked the car if you needed help with the collection?

ihtwsf · 23/06/2021 18:04

I don't think you should go on holiday with them again.
In fact, go on holiday by yourself to build up some self-esteem and resilience - I think it would do you the world of good.
Your family dynamic doesn't sound that great to be honest.

ivfgottwins · 23/06/2021 18:05

None of you sound old enough to be on holiday without parental supervision let alone drive

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 18:06

Sounds like she is very jealous of you

What? What a leap? There is nothing to suggest that remotely. Confused

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