Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Huge row with sister on holiday

221 replies

Honey12346 · 23/06/2021 15:45

I'm on holiday with sister and cousin and we are going today to a small cute little island to spend two nights there. I have booked us a rent a car for this that I have paid (I can afford it) to make our lives easier, rather than taking the bus...

My cousin has went to pick up the car as she is driving and they asked for a security deposit that she cannot afford. She called my sister and I overheard the conversation. Instead of asking me if I can pay for the security deposit they started discussing can they cancel the car etc. So basically acting as if I'm not going on this trip, not even asking for my input. When I could solve this problem in 2 seconds as I can afford the deposit!

Then I overheard my sister saying the fact that I even booked this car was stressful for her???

So let me get this straight, I have booked and paid for a car and my cousin is driving. All my sister literally has to do is sit in the car and this is stressful for her???

I ran out after hearing this and I am now sitting in a park crying. My sister is calling me.

Yabu - I did something wrong
Yanbu - my sister is being a bitch

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 23/06/2021 17:08

@Honey12346

Yes they have left in the car, no idea who paid the security deposit. As for the people who asked what did I expect, well I did not expect they will leave in the car that I paid for!

I feel like I've just been shat on, but apparently I deserve it because I cried and stormed off after someone treated me like crap. Why is it up to me to be the bigger person when a family member treats you like you're worthless. I'm human after all

As for the people who asked what did I expect, well I did not expect they will leave in the car that I paid for!

Well as you sat in the park ignoring your sister calling you, why did you not expect them to get on with the trip? Confused

I'm getting a tiny sense of you and your money coming across as a bit controlling.

Maybe that's what your sister meant by 'stressful'?

MoisterThanAnOyster · 23/06/2021 17:08

Things happen so quickly on this island!

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 17:09

We will be getting a much longer break than that as I've just arranged to be gone before they come back from the trip

Wow. I’m not even sure what to say. You’re over reactions are extreme and beyond unhealthy. Storming out, crying, refusing to answe the phone, saying whatever you said when you exited. That’s why they went without you.

It’s all just bewildering behaviour.

lastcall · 23/06/2021 17:09

Perhaps they'd both be like to free to drink alcohol when and if they feel like it, but now you expect one of them to drive you around without asking them about how they feel about transport.

TheGumption · 23/06/2021 17:10

Are you all quite young OP? The first holidays without parents that I had as a teen were constant drama. Three was probably not a great number either. I'd go home.

Original poster
Honey12346 · 23/06/2021 17:11

@Bluntness100

Op. Is there a back story here? Do you have mental health issues? Crying storming off, saying you’ve been shat on, treated like crap, not human etc when all they did initially was discuss paying the deposit and not asking you is all very very over emotional and dramatic.
The back story is that's how my sister has been treating me my whole life, always talking about me as if I'm not there and ignoring me
OP posts:
ChargingBuck · 23/06/2021 17:11

Why did you just accept your sister ignoring your acknowlegement of the deposit issue? She was on the phone to cousin at that point, yes? So why, when you were not heard, instead of jumping about waving to get her attention so all 3 of you could resolve it all, did you instead run off to sit in a park weeping?

Unless there's a long history of sister blanking/dismissing you (in which case why holiday with her?) I just don't get it.

What did you shout at your sister on the way out to the park, & if you wanted to resolve this daft problem, why did you ignore her calls?

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 17:11

@TheGumption

Are you all quite young OP? The first holidays without parents that I had as a teen were constant drama. Three was probably not a great number either. I'd go home.
Yes I’m thinking teenagers, although my daughter went inter railing at 17 and none of this dramatic stuff was occurring. But I can’t see they’d be younger, although only one drives, so maybe. 🤷‍♀️
toocold54 · 23/06/2021 17:11

We will be getting a much longer break than that as I've just arranged to be gone before they come back from the trip

Sounds like that would be for the best. Go and enjoy some relaxing time on your own.

Bluntness100 · 23/06/2021 17:12

The back story is that's how my sister has been treating me my whole life, always talking about me as if I'm not there and ignoring me

So why did you go on holiday with her then?

VettiyaIruken · 23/06/2021 17:12

Probably for the best that you do. It sounds like this holiday was going very badly. Holidays really do test relationships for some odd reason.

BronwenFrideswide · 23/06/2021 17:12

Are you going to cancel the payment for the car?

UhtredRagnarson · 23/06/2021 17:14

So you left the apartment when you were due to go on the trip and ignored them calling- what did you expect them to do? Miss out on the trip? Wait around for you to grace them with your presence?

nimbuscloud · 23/06/2021 17:15

I agree that going home is probably for the best.

HotToddyColdSauvignon · 23/06/2021 17:15

Errr….

Confused

Step back op. Do you have your luggage etc?

ChargingBuck · 23/06/2021 17:15

The back story is that's how my sister has been treating me my whole life, always talking about me as if I'm not there and ignoring me

Ah.
Don't go on holiday with her again, & look up some self-esteem & assertiveness training when you get home.

Meantime, I'm sorry you're upset & despite this all being - frankly - a storm in a tea cup, it can't be nice to be feeling like the Odd One Out right now, however it came about.
Assertiveness training will help you to manage situations like this more positively in future. It's rotten to be left out of the island trip now, but ... you did run away & refuse to answer the phone, so ...

Can you get to the island alone? If not, what other trips or entertainments can you book instead, so that you spend the next couple of days enjoying your holiday, rather than dwelling on an adolescent tiff?

Rewis · 23/06/2021 17:16

This sounds like there is a backstory and everyone has been very stressed and this was the thing that broke the camels back.

Some time apart sounds like a good idea. If you have the money, book yourself something nice. Maybe see some actual friends.

If you are set on this holiday, it might be good to have an open discussion with them and bring it all out.

AmberIsACertainty · 23/06/2021 17:16

Because they didn't speak with me to try to resolve it, they were just resolving it amongst themselves as if I don't exist. That was the hurtful thing that made me cry

As a outsider looking in its pretty obvious what happened. Poor communication all round.

Cousin changed their mind about being happy to drive, used cost as an excuse.

You believed the excuse and booked a car, the others reluctantly went along with it because they'd have looked like fools if they said anything at this point.

Got to car place, was asked for deposit (standard) which was the last straw, so tried to cancel car because they didn't want it anyway. Asking you to pay deposit doesn't fix the issue of them not wanting a car hence not wanting to talk to you about it and declining your offer to pay.

You stormed off, didn't answer phone, they've no idea where you are or when you'll be back.

They know you don't want to take the bus. They know there's bad feeling between you all now. Due partly to them being dicks not being honest about not wanting car and partly you being a dick with all the dramatics (they're not trying to cut you out of the holiday, paranoia there, they just don't want a car) and what with it being a holiday, they don't fancy a trip with an angry upset person, so left without you.

FYI OP hire cars are stressful. They don't feel like your usual car to drive, takes a day or two to get used to them and driving feels more stressful during that time, needs more concentration and they're already in an unfamiliar area having to concentrate extra because of that too. Then there's parking, with tourist spots there's a lot to be said for the convenience of public transport. There's also the stress of not scratching, denting, dirtying or dropping food or drink in the hire car because if that happens you lose your deposit. Car accidents and thefts aren't always the driver's fault but you'd lose your deposit anyway and driver would have to fess up about accident to their own insurance on their own car, even though that insurance company isn't involved, because them's the rules and the driver's premium would likely go up next time. I can totally see why they want to take the bus.

WorraLiberty · 23/06/2021 17:18

@Honey12346

As for why this is classified as a huge row, there might have been some words exchanged as I was exiting the accommodation...
I'm not sure what the coy 'might have' is for?

What exactly did you say to each other?

AmberIsACertainty · 23/06/2021 17:24

The back story is that's how my sister has been treating me my whole life, always talking about me as if I'm not there and ignoring me

Ah ok that's why you're so over sensitive to it. Life lesson: don't expect tossers to behave like decent people, they're not decent people they're tossers, so that's how they'll behave. You could stick them in a gold plated palace and pay someone to lick their boots, whilst you hack off your own arm and present it to them on a silver plate, they still ain't gonna morph into a decent person and be nice to you.

ChargingBuck · 23/06/2021 17:27

I feel like I've just been shat on, but apparently I deserve it because I cried and stormed off after someone treated me like crap.

Honey12346, I'm gonna state this bluntly, but it is meant kindly.

Reacting to being treated like crap by crying & storming off (then sulking refusing to answer the phone) only ensures that you will continue to get treated like crap.

You need to learn the noble art of assertion.
See my post above re: assertiveness & self-esteem training & please - take action on it. Or you are going to end up constantly at the mercy of people who know how to push your buttons.

hopeishere · 23/06/2021 17:27

It all sounds a bit dramatic. Do you like them and want to holiday with them? If not don't go away with them.

How old are you?

wildeverose · 23/06/2021 17:30

So what did you say as you were leaving then??
As you've left that out for a reason, and I bet it's because it makes you look even worse.
You ignored her calls, whilst you sat crying in a park.
They were absolutely right to get on with their trip. Ignoring the calls and assuming they'd waste time waiting for you to grow up, is your issue.
Use this as a learning curve. Avoid holidays with other people if I were you.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 23/06/2021 17:31

I was just going to say, tell them to jog on and just go home. It's supposed to be fun.
I see you have. Well done

KTheGrey · 23/06/2021 17:32

Sounds like your sister is the kind of person for whom everything is stressful. Hope you are going to have a couple of nice chilled out days without them.

Swipe left for the next trending thread