He got me a motor sport experience

[Berry456]

Just found out DP has booked a thrill motorsport experience for my birthday. I couldn't be more disappointed.

Not sure whether to go along with it as I feel like a big kid saying I don't want to do it. He said he'll cancel it and didn't seem upset thankfully.

I however am upset. I had a exH who was terrible at gift buying..and this one, albeit far more generous, seems to be just as bad.

It seems so pathetic for a grown woman to be upset by something like this, but honestly, my heart was on the floor with disappointment when he told me.

1 can you drive
2 do you enjoy driving
3 it might be fun, get out of your comfort zone and embrace the gift and him and go have a good time!!
I booked rally driving for my DH once then realised I couldn’t let him do it without me so booked another place, I was only female there (3 blokes) and I BEAT THEM ALL on the track times!!! You never know what you can do and enjoy!

I really don’t understand why this kind of crap matters :s

@MacCoffee

It’s not about the gift. It’s about the feeling that either he doesn’t know you well enough to get you a gift you’d like, that he bought something for himself disguised as a gift for you or that he couldn’t be bothered to put thought in.

All of these are hurtful and I completely understand how you’re feeling.

This...

My DH is a lovely and generous person, who is useless at present buying. I have a good friend with a nice dress shop, she also sells accessories etc. I go to her, choose a few things I like, then send hubby there and she steers him in the right direction. Or we agree that we fancy a couple of days away for my birthday, and I choose somewhere, book it etc, and he pays. Works for us.

Oh my god. I as so jealous. I love Motorsports. I never get decent mother's day gifts (son is 14) my Oh is useless with presents. I have started buying my own gift. Giving it to him and say here wrap this. Or tell him what I want. He got annoyed when my sister, brought me a Valentino Rossi top. (bike racer) I said oh my god its the best 40th Birthday present ever. (better than his) I just wish there was more mothers day stuff, that wasn't pink and Fluffy.

YANBU. My husband sucks at gifts and just basically cannot be arsed to make an effort / leaved everything to the last minute. My mother's day card this year was actually a 'Happy Birthday Mummy' card with the 'birthday' crossed out and 'mothers day' scribbled above it - because he'd left it until the morning of to get one and they'd all sold out. I used to make a big fuss of him on birthdays and anniversaries but the last couple of years I've stopped because it winds me up its not reciprocated. It's our 40th this year and I'm not getting my hopes up for anything special tbh. Ive booked the day off and will plan a nice day for myself!!

I know you have mentioned not liking a list, but what if you changed how you see it? I have a desires list. Some of the items are outrageous and some practical. It is about what will make you happy and no one knows what will make you happier than you! Own you and what you want! I have been with my husband for 25 years and yes, he can have some ideas but not deep in my heart and some are things that I was afraid to say.

I never understood this thing that if they really know you they will know. I don't think that is fair to anyone. Own your wants and desires.

As for the gift, I would love it, but i have started to try different things to stretch my boundaries.

I met my OH through online dating. His photo showed him at Angkor Wat in Cambodia so my opening message to him was “That is somewhere I’ve always wanted to visit.”
Six years later I was having a major birthday and he presented me with a holiday for us in Cambodia and Thailand with personal guides everywhere including Angkor Wat.
It was especially stunning as otherwise he chooses terrible presents.

This thread has made me laugh. I would like to read more about Pig Girl and the Case of the Bubbling Barley.

My H is fucking shit at gifts. One Christmas I gave him an Xbox and he gave me a saucepan. It is apparently a good saucepan, you can tell because it’s really fucking heavy. it’s also a really special saucepan that must be hand washed for it is too magical and special for the dishwasher…

I give this man a list of ideas too, but if he does choose something from the list he tries to scrimp as much as possible and as such, I have wound up with many knock-off versions of things over the years.

He’s brilliant in other ways but always shit at this. I put so much thought and time in and I don’t know why I bother really.

I'm feeling quite relieved to be in a relationship in which we're both fairly rubbish at present buying and neither of us really cares!

@OhFFSMum I got a 'mummy' card on mother's day too. Kids haven't called me mummy in years. I was . Picked my own present this year to avoid the obligatory £30 in a card my DH thinks is acceptable

DH does ask but he's never going to spend the time or effort so I see no point in responding any more. He does "think about it" as he says but never quite does anything to actually purchase said gift. For my 40th it became abundantly clear he hadn't arranged the London theatre tickets I'd asked for, and eventually as the play was in its last week I ended up booking tickets, practically in the rafters, travel and accommodation for one night. Tbh I'd be happy with a meal these days but I'd need to book it....

At least it wasn't "sexy" lingerie.

Some men are terrible at gifts. He would probably be relieved if you said, a month or so beforehand, that what you would really love for your birthday is a spa voucher.

He sounds nice, though. I would try not to take it personally, though I understand it stings.

People should just ASK or make a list.

Even lingerie can be a perfectly suitable present, not everyone spends £80 on a bra for themselves, it's a reasonable gift - but partners are not mind readers.

@DreamTheMoors

I feel your pain, *@Berry456*. My ex got me nothing on our first two anniversaries. On our third, knowing how much he loved the coast, I surprised him with a three-day trip to an inn overlooking the ocean. His gift to me? Three paperback books from the markdown bin at the market. On our seventh anniversary, he gifted me with a toddler by a co-worker of his. I gave that bastard a divorce.

😔

I think you ladies have made me feel better. The real pig gift...I think that wins!

And it turns out it was for both of us (read him)

I think it depends on whether he is a kind and thoughtful person in other respects. It can be hurtful to think your partner doesn’t know you well enough to give an appropriate gift, but some men are just genuinely crap when it comes to presents. My late husband was always a bit out of step with my taste when it came to gift giving, but he was kind, generous and thoughtful in so many other ways. I’d gladly accept any of his (sometimes hilariously misguided) gifts just to have him back, even for a few minutes.

@pam290358 he is to be fair! Think he just fits into that camp.

I'm sorry for your loss and lovely that you made the misguided gifts into a nice memory instead x

I got given the most unbelievably awful gift this year. I can’t say as it might put me. I was gutted, it just didn’t make sense and I felt it made a joke out of my birthday which I like to be special. I totally understand it hurts a bit. In the end I decided that he’s so lovely usually that I had to conclude he meant well and leave it at that. I’ll say something at some point though.

my first birthday with my partner was tragic! We got together soon after my birthday and he kept saying how he would make a fuss etc. His birthday was 2 months after we got together, I got him things he mentioned in conversations we had and an experience day he said he wanted to do because I had listened to him.

Cue lead up to my birthday the following year, I'd given him a couple of pointers, a handbag I'd seen, a perfume, just normal things. He went for the handbag but wrapped it in xmas paper when my birthday is in the spring! The card was something you'd give to a little girl! I know it sounds silly to for a grown woman to be so upset but I really was because by this point, we'd been together for 11 months and it was like he didn't make an effort at all. I still cringe when I see that handbag which I barely use because of that memory.

What made it worse was I'd already booked and paid for a fabulous weekend away for his upcoming birthday 2 months later!

However, he may be useless in that respect but I dearly love him!

@Youdoyoutoday

my first birthday with my partner was tragic! We got together soon after my birthday and he kept saying how he would make a fuss etc. His birthday was 2 months after we got together, I got him things he mentioned in conversations we had and an experience day he said he wanted to do because I had listened to him.

Cue lead up to my birthday the following year, I'd given him a couple of pointers, a handbag I'd seen, a perfume, just normal things. He went for the handbag but wrapped it in xmas paper when my birthday is in the spring! The card was something you'd give to a little girl! I know it sounds silly to for a grown woman to be so upset but I really was because by this point, we'd been together for 11 months and it was like he didn't make an effort at all. I still cringe when I see that handbag which I barely use because of that memory.

What made it worse was I'd already booked and paid for a fabulous weekend away for his upcoming birthday 2 months later!

However, he may be useless in that respect but I dearly love him!

But you got the handbag you wanted? Who cares about the card and what it’s wrapped in?

I feel like you've completely and purposely missed the point of my post

He went for the handbag but wrapped it in xmas paper when my birthday is in the spring! The card was something you'd give to a little girl! I know it sounds silly to for a grown woman to be so upset but I really was because by this point, we'd been together for 11 months and it was like he didn't make an effort at all. I still cringe when I see that handbag which I barely use because of that memory.

I don't get the problem. I wrapped my OH's present this year in a cardboard box I had. It fitted well in the box, which protected it. The important thing was the present, which was very carefully chosen. He loves the present. The box is in recycling. I don't think I could cope with a partner who rejected a present because they didn't like the wrapping paper.

My dh wouldn't care if he never got another gift again. He doesn't like the whole process of buying gifts, but if I say I want something specific he will happily get it for me. I do what many others do and provide a list with links, I will choose 3 different pairs of pjs for example so I don't know what I'm going to get. One year he was so busy with work I just ordered a load of clothes for myself. It was a bit boring doing it that way so I probably wouldn't go that way again.
You need to either make a list, drop heavy hints, or have a friend guide him.