He got me a motor sport experience

[Berry456]

Just found out DP has booked a thrill motorsport experience for my birthday. I couldn't be more disappointed.

Not sure whether to go along with it as I feel like a big kid saying I don't want to do it. He said he'll cancel it and didn't seem upset thankfully.

I however am upset. I had a exH who was terrible at gift buying..and this one, albeit far more generous, seems to be just as bad.

It seems so pathetic for a grown woman to be upset by something like this, but honestly, my heart was on the floor with disappointment when he told me.

Was is a gift that you can both do or a solo experience?
If a gift for 2 then it was a gift for himself.

@rookiemere

Using a weekend to schedule in an experience I neither wanted or have interest in doing, would be the last thing I would want as a gift.

Perhaps I am stuffy and boring- one of the benefits of getting older is that I have a pretty good handle on what I enjoy and what I don't.

Spare time is precious, I'd be hugely annoyed to have to spend a Saturday or Sunday driving around some stupid motor course.

No, you're not stuffy and boring at all. Only the most arrogant and obnoxious of people would accuse someone of being 'stuffy and boring.' because the other person doesn't want to do what THEY want them to do.

Trying to force an 'experience' on someone, that they are not interested in, (and then calling them boring and stuffy, if they say 'no thanks') is just fucking nasty. I LOATHE people like this.

I am so glad I don't have people like that in my life, who call me boring old and stuffy for not singing to heir tune, and not wanting or liking what THEY want and like. And GOD FORBID, actually having a mind and opinion of my own.

Like you (and a number of other posters on here,) I am too long in the tooth and much more assertive than I was some years ago, and won't be coerced into doing anything I don't want to do. Just because someone thinks I should try to do something 'different.' Something THEY think I should do. I booted arrogant, bossy bullies like this out of my life years ago.

You seriously have to be some kind of witless numpty to get an 'experience' for someone that they have never shown any interest in.

@ememem84

i have actually done one of the track day gifts. I didnt think i'd have a good time, but it was fun. but it wouldn't be my first choice of thing to do!

DH once bought me golf lessons with the Pro at his club. he plays. i don't. i have no interest.

I used every single one of the lessons. Just basically to spite dh. I initially wondered whether i'd be amazing at golf but just didnt know it. turns out im not, and i hate it even more than i did. dh not happy because he actually would have benefitted from the lessons and enjoyed them. . . .

No words.

@ChickenNugget11

I'd love a Motorsport day, though not your point

Doesn't sound intentional though, not like my not so 'D'F.

Got my mum an extension lead for Xmas one year. And once got me a vegetarian cookbook, a week after he watched me eating a bacon sandwich. No thought, often callous. His gifts were often intentionally cruel, to show you your worth. I remember as a preteen being gifted a gardening set for my birthday (fork, spade etc), still with the knock down sale sticker on. I was swiftly told to get outside and start on the garden. Others only existed for his benefit.

Oh gosh. That's awful, sorry.

[quote BearOfEasttown]@Berry456

YANBU. I fucking HATE 'gift experiences.' As a few other posters have said, you should never get it unless you KNOW the other person wants it. Also, many of them seem to be a minimum of 50-75 miles away, and in some cases 100-150 or more miles away, and cause extra inconvenience and expense to the recipient.

DH got me a microlight flight some 7-8 years ago, and he knew I wanted to do it, and it was just 10 miles away. It also only cost about £45, so not terribly expensive. I was so thrilled. And he knew I wanted to do it. He would never have got it otherwise.

A friend of mine and his DP had a zip wire gift for a Christmas gift a couple of years ago, in a huge slate quarry in North Wales ... They lived in Solihull at the time, and it was 120 miles away.

It's 3 hours by car, and FIVE hours by public transport.

On top of that, my friend was not terrified of heights, but was not crazy about them either, and the last thing he wanted was to go whizzing down a zip wire at 80-100mph, 500 feet in the air! His girlfriend wasn't keen either.

So they just pretended they went. It cost £160 for the two. What a waste! I would have least have tried to sell it on ebay or something![/quote]
Pretended! That's brilliant. Good for them. Extra points if they photoshopped pics for Facebook.

We've to been together a few years. Honestly not a terrible person at all...I think just gets flustered by gifts, leaves it to last minute and panics. I think lists would probably do us a world of good or better, we just agree to do something nice at each celebration together.

I'd honestly rather have got the paper shredder/hoover both of which I need. Maybe not the aftershave set some poor woman got

It really isn't about the item, cost...I'd have been happy with a nicely put together picnic somewhere lovely. And that is what I'm now brave enough to talk to him about.

You wanted wonderful gift stories Op- my DP got me a beer fridge which strangely enough was just what I wanted!

OP, in around 1985, my uncle gave his wife a BBC Micro (v early personal computer) for her birthday. A couple of months later she gave him pearl earrings his.

My ex for Christmas brought me cooking dishes I wasn’t impressed, I’d wanted Roots on video (goodness this shows my age) he just sat there and said “But you like cooking” yes I did when I could cook but Christmas present no. Dh today wants to buy me a black bikers jacket so I’ve picked but I’m also having Stranger things dvd as well, (and a few others as well) for my birthday.

@Berry456

Someone tell me of some wonderful surprises they've received from their DH DP to make feel.like these men exist!

DP is a weird mix of incredibly thoughtful and perfect gifts, and utterly shite ones. The worst so far has been a pair of stupidly expensive boots that are so hideous I have pointedly left them unworn in the box for three years, exactly where I opened them.

The best, best one ever is a bit too personal to reveal on here, but it was something he handmade for me, and every single addition to it was something really personal (think kind of like a charm bracelet, but home decor). It looks a little bit like a school kids project from a distance, but every millimetre of it was made with me in mind, and he explained why he'd put all of the different details in.

I would not be impressed with a motorsport experience. And not least because I don't drive

Could you do lists?
My DP and I have a list on the fridge (and on Amazon) of gifts we both wish for.
When it comes to a bday, Xmas or anniversary we just pick from the list. Its not super romantic but it means we both get something we want.

My DH has given me some dud gifts… I’ve given him some duds. It happens. We both smile and ooo and aww appropriately when it happens.

He’s given me some very thoughtful gifts over the years as well. And he’s given me some very odd gifts that on the surface made my head tilt, but after he explained made me really see that he cares.

Honestly, it’s that he really does try and he’s always doing the little things that most people wouldn’t notice. I don’t get too fussed over a dud gift.

To be fair to Dh he has also bought me some wonderful gifts. And we laugh about the golf lessons now.

We flew to london for my 30th and saw matilda, had afternoon tea at the shard. He hates musical theatre.

😂😂😂😂

Could he be doing it to take you out of your comfort zone? If you've never done something like that before maybe he thinks it would be a good present to try something new. Iys not my sort of thing but if I was given it as a gift I would embrace it and try it bit I've never done it before.

You need an Amazon list @Berry456. You can put stuff on there from other websites as well as general notes. 10 years in, I rely heavily on it for DH as o never know what he wants and it gives him guidance with me. And I'm not asking what he wants, I'm checking out a list without him knowing and picking something

He’s booked it for YOUR treat ?

Yeah right! Selfish Twat

You seriously have to be some kind of witless numpty to get an 'experience' for someone that they have never shown any interest in.

it must be so much fun to be with someone who has no interest in even trying anything different and a bit of fun 😂

Some people really are old before their time!

I give DH a gift list for birthdays and Christmas for exactly this reason. He is lovely but has some odd ideas about presents. He once got me an indoor skydiving experience. I'm terrified of heights and I absolutely hated it. My birthday is approaching and there's nothing I really need or want at the moment so I haven't given him a list. Fuck knows what I'm in for

My exH did a similar thing, booked me in to do a flying lesson in a very small plane, I cried! It was for the next day & I was incredibly nervous, but part of me suspected that he wanted me to back out so that he could do it, so I called his bluff. It was actually quite enjoyable & I can forever say that I’ve flown a plane, looped the loop & landed! Do it @Berry456 & properly throw yourself into it, it’ll kill his pig!

He’s just trying to do something a bit different! My DH got me a clay pigeon shoot, it was great fun, nice lunch, great venue, hours shooting.
Maybe you’ll enjoy it?

Mind you, maybe I would be offended if my DH was buying me a "decorate your own slippers" or "how to fold tea towels" experience

Go for it! Works outing was a driving experience at Brands Hatch. I was dreading it but afterwards wanted to go again. Was great fun.

He might of wanted to give you something different and exciting than the same old, flowers, chocolates, meal or jewellery. Since we have all been in lockdown it might be good to try something new and push our boundaries.

Well, I voted "YABU," but ONLY because most women know that MOST men are clueless about gifts. Many women also seem to expect that men will somehow read their minds about such things (not saying that's the case here). It can save a world of misunderstanding to start dropping rather broad hints about what you would just love to have well in advance of whatever occasion it happens to be. I used to make a fairly extensive list of things I'd like (with a note, "choose one") 3-4 weeks in advance. Often, what I got wasn't even on the list, but it would be the "type" of thing that was. Saves a lot of disappointment and hard feelings.