He got me a motor sport experience

[Berry456]

Just found out DP has booked a thrill motorsport experience for my birthday. I couldn't be more disappointed.

Not sure whether to go along with it as I feel like a big kid saying I don't want to do it. He said he'll cancel it and didn't seem upset thankfully.

I however am upset. I had a exH who was terrible at gift buying..and this one, albeit far more generous, seems to be just as bad.

It seems so pathetic for a grown woman to be upset by something like this, but honestly, my heart was on the floor with disappointment when he told me.

@MandalaYogaTapestry

I would have been absolutely thrilled to get such a gift

So?

@Berry456 my DH is pretty rubbish at presents too - many years I got exactly what he'd buy for himself (set of three wildlife books, all on the same subject anyone?) or obvious last minute presents which hurt even more.

We now exchange birthday and christmas lists...and a while back I read of a couple who have a "presents pot" where they each put things that they'd really like, either a print-out of something online or just a scribbled piece of paper. So neither of them know what the other one is going to pick, as the list has been running for a few years now...and the surprise is still there. I thought it was a lovely idea and if I could get DH to be that organised I'd do it...

It's such a stereotype to assume all women would love a spa day or a pandora bracelet, but hate motor sport, if you do drive I really don't see the issue.

I do drive. My OH knows full well that I do it under sufferance and of necessity. He knows my views on cars and the environment. He knows if he got me anything connected to motorsport for a gift it would be going straight in the bin. I can absolutely see why this gift could be an issue and I don't know the OP from Adam. You would hope that her partner could therefore work this out.

I feel so sorry for these women who have men in their lives who buy things they like rather than what they think the present receiver would like

So selfish

Have been with my DH for 13 years. I tell him what I want for my birthday. In the earlier years there was disappointment with ear phones (that I didn't need as my iPhone ones worked fine) sterling silver jewelry that caused all kinds of issues as I am allergic etc etc. Now I pick and he buys and we are both happy.

@Berry456

YANBU. I fucking HATE 'gift experiences.' As a few other posters have said, you should never get it unless you KNOW the other person wants it. Also, many of them seem to be a minimum of 50-75 miles away, and in some cases 100-150 or more miles away, and cause extra inconvenience and expense to the recipient.

DH got me a microlight flight some 7-8 years ago, and he knew I wanted to do it, and it was just 10 miles away. It also only cost about £45, so not terribly expensive. I was so thrilled. And he knew I wanted to do it. He would never have got it otherwise.

A friend of mine and his DP had a zip wire gift for a Christmas gift a couple of years ago, in a huge slate quarry in North Wales ... They lived in Solihull at the time, and it was 120 miles away.

It's 3 hours by car, and FIVE hours by public transport.

On top of that, my friend was not terrified of heights, but was not crazy about them either, and the last thing he wanted was to go whizzing down a zip wire at 80-100mph, 500 feet in the air! His girlfriend wasn't keen either.

So they just pretended they went. It cost £160 for the two. What a waste! I would have least have tried to sell it on ebay or something!

@Soubriquet

I feel so sorry for these women who have men in their lives who buy things they like rather than what they think the present receiver would like

So selfish

It's not unreasonable to think someone would enjoy a motor sport experience.

Doing something a bit different and trying to have fun, most people would be happy with that.

An household appliance on the other hand... unless you KNOW 100% that it's what they want.

Was it an experience for you or for two people?

@khakiandcoral

It's not unreasonable to think someone would enjoy a motor sport experience.

Doing something a bit different and trying to have fun, most people would be happy with that.

A household appliance on the other hand... unless you KNOW 100% that it's what they want.

Maybe the OP should buy her DP a spa day for his next birthday. Or a pamper session in a beauty salon, where he can get a pedicure, get his cuticles done, and get a face peel. Or maybe she could sign him up to a six week baking class... After all, it would be something a 'bit different' wouldn't it? And I am sure he would have FUN...

An no, most people would not be 'happy' to be given an 'experience' for something they don't want to do, and have never shown a jot of interest in. It's pointless, and a waste of money, to buy something for someone that they have NEVER shown any interest in.

And it's very arrogant to assume that just because YOU like something, that everyone else will (and should!)

Maybe the OP should buy her DP a spa day for his next birthday. Or a pamper session in a beauty salon, where he can get a pedicure, get his cuticles done, and get a face peel. Or maybe she could sign him up to a six week baking class... After all, it would be something a 'bit different' wouldn't it? And I am sure he would have FUN..

This is so cringey.

So if you are a woman, it's natural to be against motor sport,
but to spite a man it has to be something "girly" involving pamper.

I am so glad stereotypes are still going so strongly! And I say that as someone who spends a rather large amount on hair appointment and all the beauty treatments I can find the time to get.

I honestly want this thread moved to the feminist corner.

And it's very arrogant to assume that just because YOU like something, that everyone else will (and should!)

It's not a commitment for the next 10 years, it must be like 1 hour of trying something. and it's hardly swimming with sharks or something pushing it way too far.

People so old and stuffy before their age must be so boring to live with.

My dh gets me an expensive and usually quite grand gift every year.
He does it the day or two before my birthday though and makes a big deal about how stressed he is running around to get me something. So I know 1) he's put fuck all thought into it 2) he wants some sort of award ceremony for getting me a gift.

I used to really love gift giving and putting lots of thought into things. I can't be fucked now because I know it's not reciprocated.

Yanbu to be disappointed.

My family once got me a football stadium tour for my birthday.

I'm not into football. I show zero interest in the team my dad and brothers support. I've no idea why they thought it was a good present or why my mum agreed to it.

Using a weekend to schedule in an experience I neither wanted or have interest in doing, would be the last thing I would want as a gift.

Perhaps I am stuffy and boring- one of the benefits of getting older is that I have a pretty good handle on what I enjoy and what I don't.

Spare time is precious, I'd be hugely annoyed to have to spend a Saturday or Sunday driving around some stupid motor course.

@rookiemere

Using a weekend to schedule in an experience I neither wanted or have interest in doing, would be the last thing I would want as a gift.

Perhaps I am stuffy and boring- one of the benefits of getting older is that I have a pretty good handle on what I enjoy and what I don't.

Spare time is precious, I'd be hugely annoyed to have to spend a Saturday or Sunday driving around some stupid motor course.

Yes, same. I often get spa / hair and beauty salon voucher presents from friends and usually re-gift them (I mean, in an appropriate way - i.e. asking someone whether they would like it, not as an occasion gift). It would be hundreds in childcare costs for me to go to one of those nice weekend spa breaks, never mind wasting the only quality time I can spend with my children - so my cleaner usually deputises for me.

@MandalaYogaTapestry

I would have been absolutely thrilled to get such a gift

Well then imagine he bought you pink Lacy underwear or a spa day or something you wouldn’t be “thrilled” to receive.

If it makes you feel any better, my DH got me a paper shredder for my birthday...

While I would love it as a present, if it’s not something you’ve ever expressed an interest in then YANBU.

My husband is like yours in that he is generous, but awful when it comes to gifts. I now keep a list of things I’d like (these days more experiences than things) and he has an easy way to decide on what to get me. Not been disappointed once since we started doing this and he likes this far more than having to think about what to get

@khakiandcoral

Maybe the OP should buy her DP a spa day for his next birthday. Or a pamper session in a beauty salon, where he can get a pedicure, get his cuticles done, and get a face peel. Or maybe she could sign him up to a six week baking class... After all, it would be something a 'bit different' wouldn't it? And I am sure he would have FUN..

This is so cringey.

So if you are a woman, it's natural to be against motor sport,
but to spite a man it has to be something "girly" involving pamper.

I am so glad stereotypes are still going so strongly! And I say that as someone who spends a rather large amount on hair appointment and all the beauty treatments I can find the time to get.

I honestly want this thread moved to the feminist corner.

You're missing the point: this isn't about sex stereotypes. I'm a huge feminist and I also cringe when its assumed that women want pamper sessions and blokes want football.

But that isn't what this is about. It's about someone not having the imagination or the consideration to try to think of something from someone else's point of view or consider that his partner may have a different outlook on the world from him.

It could just have easily been a pamper session which he bought and she hated. The material point is that he didn't really give a shit what she wanted.

I have got to the stage where I would rather give a list, get something I want and avoid the cringe of pretending I like something and then risk getting something similar again. Some people just aren't good at buying gifts so either decide to cancel gifts on both sides or go with lists.

I'd buy him cooking lessons or ballroom dancing lessons or maybe a series of electrolysis sessions

fil bought mil a shower squeegee once for her birthday and a washing machine.

mil divorced him a year later.

dh has gotten better with gifts - although he is a nightmare to buy for. he claims he never needs anything. so for fathers day the kids got him some gardening stuff and some face wash (both of which he needed). not exiting. but stuff he needed.

@2021Vision

Its just selfish, absolutely no thought for you. I would be open and ask him why he thought you would like it.

I dont buy into 'men are useless at buying presents'. Its actually tbat they are selfish and cant be bothered. Female brains are not predisposed to good present buying, its more that they actually care. Lets face it, if youre nit sure ypu just ask someone what they would like but for many men that requires them having to think and they cant be arsed.

Not true, I would even struggle to buy a gift for myself. Buying something someone else would like is very difficult for a lot of people. Surely if you wanted something you would have already bought it.

You didn't mention how long you've been together.
Is this the first birthday you've been together?

I’d be buying him a pamper session for you both to enjoy for his birthday.

I would be neglecting to tell him that it involved top to toe waxing.