He got me a motor sport experience

[Berry456]

Just found out DP has booked a thrill motorsport experience for my birthday. I couldn't be more disappointed.

Not sure whether to go along with it as I feel like a big kid saying I don't want to do it. He said he'll cancel it and didn't seem upset thankfully.

I however am upset. I had a exH who was terrible at gift buying..and this one, albeit far more generous, seems to be just as bad.

It seems so pathetic for a grown woman to be upset by something like this, but honestly, my heart was on the floor with disappointment when he told me.

I knew someone who really, really valued her opportunities to go back to Greece to see her family every year. One year, her DH organised it...it wasn't until they were at the gate and the Orlando flight was called that she realised he'd planned and organised a Disney trip for her and the DC. The marriage didn't last, for various reasons.

it must be so much fun to be with someone who has no interest in even trying anything different and a bit of fun 😂

Some people really are old before their time!

I'm nearly 50. It's not about being old before my time but by the time you get to this age you have a fair idea of what you like, what you haven't tried but will probably hate and what you haven't tried but might or might not like. I'm quite happy to try things in the 'maybe' category but have done enough things to know what I really don't like. Plus, the time to try new things isn't necessarily on your own birthday. If my OH wanted something new for his birthday I'd go along with it even if I wasn't keen, because it would be nice for him. I'm not going to do this on my own birthday.

I tell my husband every year to buy me a box of Toffifee and get a takeaway for my birthday. Partly this is because I have all the "stuff" I'll ever need, but also because he is terrible at buying presents.
When we got engaged, he bought me some pigs. Actual, living pigs.He isn't allowed to choose things now.

When we got engaged, he bought me some pigs. Actual, living pigs.He isn't allowed to choose things now.

😂

I am hoping you were not living a in a designer flat in central London, but it's still brilliant

I'd love that! But can totally see that it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea.

Some people are just crap at gifts. My mum is one of those - bless her. In all my many years of adulthood, I don't think she's ever managed to do one of those "I saw this and thought of you!" type gifts. So I've learnt I need to use my words.
"I want XYZ, from X shop. Here's the direct link."

Being crap at presents doesn't mean they don't love or care about you. Just "gift giving" isn't one of their love languages, whereas it is yours.

My ex didn’t even remember my birthday or Mother’s Day for me once we had kids despite remembering his mother on Mother’s Day and his nephew who was born on my birthday. One year he didn’t get me anything for my birthday or our anniversary so I brought myself something. Why are men so thoughtless?!

Here for more of the pig story

@khakiandcoral

When we got engaged, he bought me some pigs. Actual, living pigs.He isn't allowed to choose things now.

😂

I am hoping you were not living a in a designer flat in central London, but it's still brilliant

No, he is an actual farmer, but sheep and cattle at that time. He'd never kept pigs before or since. Occasionally he still has an odd idea like breeding turkeys or peacocks (in the Outer Hebrides FFS!), but nothing on the scale of the pigs. Fully grown pigs are bloody huge and I was terrified of them!

@Eviethyme

I would feel hurt at the Lack of thought as well, not like he can say he sat there for hours wondering what to get you that you would love and if he did then he needs to seriously get to know you better 😂

I don't know many woman who thinks oh yeah I would prefer a motor sport experience rather than chocolate, wine and Bath hamper or a new outfit.....or literally anything else. I would be hurt.

It's not exactly hard, there are plenty of ideas out there....

Back in the late 1980’s my husband secretly bought me motorsport driving experience day at Brands Hatch for my birthday. He had even contacted my work and booked a mid-week day off for me to attend. All my colleagues and boss knew and kept the secret and were joking and asking me what was I was doing on my day off, I didn’t have a clue I only knew what I was going to do when we arrived at the venue. I loved it and had a brilliant day, from the drivers briefing to being driven at speed in a 2 seater sports car around the circuit with a professional race driver and then driving myself in a single seat Formula Ford, to end the experience with the drivers de-briefing. The day was definitely for me the only involvement my husband had was snapping photos of me in the pits and racing past on the track. Prior to this fabulous day my only interest in motorsport was watching the F1 Grand Prix on TV, and to finish the day on the way home we stopped off at a pretty Kent village for a cream tea.🙂 I do like chocs, wine and flowers too.😂 PS... my photo seems to have attached to the comment by Eviethyme 🤔

Oh! My photo attached correctly to my comment.🙃🤣

Peacocks are very noisy. Can't imagine that they'd do well in the Outer Hebrides but someone used to keep some in Chorlton near Manchester, of all places.

So what happened to the pigs? Did they very shortly end up in a sandwich, or are they still there?

And what involvement, exactly, did he envisage you'd have with them?

An ex got me a sega megadrive with the sonic the hedgehog game years ago. After I wrested it from his reluctant hands, I fell in love with gaming from that moment on. He, however, didn't last. 😂

I understand how you feel, I got a Monopoly game for our first anniversary 😕 Disappointed doesn't come close to how I felt !!

I feel your pain, @Berry456. My ex got me nothing on our first two anniversaries. On our third, knowing how much he loved the coast, I surprised him with a three-day trip to an inn overlooking the ocean. His gift to me? Three paperback books from the markdown bin at the market.
On our seventh anniversary, he gifted me with a toddler by a co-worker of his.
I gave that bastard a divorce.

The pigs were slaughtered eventually, because he got attached to them. I was terrorized by them, so not at all sorry to see them go.
The peacocks weren't actually too bad, and they are surprisingly good at killing rodents. Pecky bastards though. Peachicks can fly as soon as they hatch (not well, but well enough to cause havoc the first time it happens).

@Berry456

Someone tell me of some wonderful surprises they've received from their DH DP to make feel.like these men exist!

A trip in a hot air balloon. It wasn't even for a big birthday, just a random mid-40s one. I have always wanted to do this, but he is terrified of heights so it was never going to be one of those things we do together as a couple. When I did it, I was the only person there on my own, and the youngest by quite a bit. But I absolutely loved every second of it, it remains one of the most amazing experiences of my life, and he will NEVER top this present!

@BuffySummersReportingforSanity

So what happened to the pigs? Did they very shortly end up in a sandwich, or are they still there?

And what involvement, exactly, did he envisage you'd have with them?

I missed the last bit- he was expecting me to tie on my pinny and devotedly boil pots of barley for them. He was very pleased with himself. One day I was (grudgingly) boiling a hug pot (about 6 gallons or so) non the Rayburn when he very nearly landed in the bubbling barley. He was doing something in the loft and apparently forgot that you can't just walk on bare plasterboard. The piggies had to have something else that day because their dinner was full of bits of plaster and splinters of wood. He was a bit less pleased with himself after that, but he did congratulate himself on missing the pot.

My DH always buys me something that he would love even when I tell him what I want 🤷‍♀️

He sounds selfish and uncaring tbh I'm afraid - that's a very dodgy present to get someone unless you are 100 % sure they really want to try this - maybe for his next birthday get him a spa day with a back sack and crack waxing session

I have had Amazon vouchers for the past 3 years from my DH. My kids however are great at buying presents so it makes up for it.
I make a wish list at Christmas for my DH but I tend to not want him to make a fuss as the kids are the focus. I would recommend you actually give him some options and in the run up to the event make massive hints. Or state you would like gift vouchers and buy what you want.
My SIL was bought an air fryer one Christmas. I told My DH he would be shot if he ever bought my household goods for a gift.

It's so horrible feeling that people who should totally get you don't know you at all. My mum suggested to my DD a surprise meal to celebrate my 50th, with her friends and their daughter who is also a friend of mine. I HATE birthdays and haven't had a party for my birthday since I was 12. The only thing worse is a surprise anything. Luckily DD said she would have to speak to me first and I was able to say no fucking way. So glad my DD knows me well enough to say don't do it, but how can my mum not know me at all? Obviously she just wanted a meal out with her friends, but it's really hurtful. Even worse if it's a DP that doesn't get you, sympathies OP.

My DM does this when she buys my DC clothes, then she'll say I'm strict with them and that's why they never wear them. No, it's because you don't buy what they like. You buy what you like.

My husband did this for me and I felt exactly the same as you.

I had asked him for a Spa Day.
He thought I'd said Car Day.

I went, slapped a smile on my face and did it, it was shit. What's exciting about driving a Lamborghini?

I remember a stand out birthday present from a ex once. He bought me a sit up bar. You put it under the door and get cracking doing sit ups. I'm not into fitness btw and wasn't back then. Anyway, that relationship didn't last.

most women know that MOST men are clueless about gifts. Many women also seem to expect that men will somehow read their minds about such things (not saying that's the case here)

I'm sorry why do men get off the hook just because they're men?

Giving thoughtful gifts to the people I love really matters to me, so I keep my ears pricked year-round for any tips or ideas...not just for DP but all my friends too. It's just a question of making the effort and putting thought in isn't it?