He got me a motor sport experience

[Berry456]

Just found out DP has booked a thrill motorsport experience for my birthday. I couldn't be more disappointed.

Not sure whether to go along with it as I feel like a big kid saying I don't want to do it. He said he'll cancel it and didn't seem upset thankfully.

I however am upset. I had a exH who was terrible at gift buying..and this one, albeit far more generous, seems to be just as bad.

It seems so pathetic for a grown woman to be upset by something like this, but honestly, my heart was on the floor with disappointment when he told me.

To give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe this is something he loves and would like to share with you in the hopes that you love it too and it becomes something that brings you together. But even in that scenario, the time to do that is in his own time and space, like his birthday or if he arranged it at some other time off his own money and effort. This is your birthday, which means its all about you so any gesture should be about giving you happiness and enjoyment as you are today. So definately push back or youll be sacrificing your birthdays, Christmases and anniversaries to thing syou dont want, like or need forever more. To be fair, sounds like he took it in good spirit and hopefully has learnt from it. Dont be a drip and feel bad, you are entitled to stand up for yourself and its always good to be honest in relationships!

Just give it a go! You might be surprised.

Dh was once given a gliding experience by dds. He thoroughly enjoyed it, but before they went up, the instructor said, ‘Do you actually want to do this, or do you just feel you have to, to avoid wasting a present?’

So it evidently happens a lot.

I think for some men a flow chart would help with gift buying! Questions like "has your OH ever expressed an interest in this area?" and (for clothing) "does your OH wear similar items of clothing?" and "is this the correct size of clothing (please check clothing labels to make sure)?"

I bet MN could produce a great flowchart!

Thing is, you're stuck with your dad. You're not stuck with this guy are you?
He only got her a dodgy present!!Op says everything else is OK. Why come out with that!

Both DH and I are pretty specific in asking for things we want now. I instigated this after the year he bought a £500 necklace I didn't want and spent the year swapping it with other jewellery items from the shop as couldn't get a refund.
I'd said I wanted money towards a Mac book but apparently he knew better than me.

It's a weird and disappointing choice but if he's fine in all other departments just start giving him the list.

I’d hate this and no way would I do it. Unless you’ve said it’s your thing then it’s thoughtless. I’d tell him, I don’t go along with stuff that’s meant to be for me, to make others feel ok.

I too would sit down and ask a series of targeted questions. Do I have a favorite car? Do I rave on about engine types in race cars? Do I know anything abou f1 or other car racing? Do I know much about cars at all? Do I care much about cars? Do I seem like someone who would want a Motorsport experience ? Do you want to be in the room when I tell good friends what you have got me to see their face? Do you think they will think it a loving and thoughtful gesture? Would it be reasonable for me to decide a nice scented candle is the thing you would like absolutely the most for your next birthday?

If it's for two, I'd find a friend pretty quick who'll go with you. I think you'll have more fun with them, whereas if you go with him it'll only emphasise the fact it's really for him (albeit, he thought he'd enjoy it and would like you there with him).

When his birthday comes around, I suggest a manicure or facial as a gift!

I find it pretty hard to get presents even for dh these days as we get older and I’m the one, who’s good at gifts. I don’t want much now I’m in my 50’s. I just send my dh links to the stuff I would like or buy it myself. This year I just had flowers because there was nothing I really wanted and told him so. And it was a big big one.

Honestly you got tons of flowers from your friends last year, you have a husband, who loves you but is a bit shit with gifts. You are blessed and I agree with looking at love languages.

@catsareme14

My ex once got me a trowel & plasterers mortar board . He was a plasterer. Also got me a £300 oil painting he loved & I hated .

Oh my!!!

Trowel and plasterers mortarboard wins the thread!

It shows he doesn’t know you at all. That would upset me too.

@frazzledasarock

When I was pregnant with youngest dc a few years ago and we’d recently moved house so very limited ‘fun money’, it was my birthday I had just started nat leave also.

Everyone was at work and I got up late and went to make a cup of tea and there was a pink rose next to the kettle. Then one next to the sink etc DH had bought me a dozen pink roses and hidden them all over the house following my morning routine. It was the sweetest birthday gift ever. I was smiling like a crazy person all day long.

OP just tell your DH a driving experience is not for you and change it to something you’d prefer. He’s your husband. Tell him.

That's adorable! Doesn't take much, just that extra thought.

My sister in law got a day experience of driving the children’s train at the local adventure park. She had been a lot with her children so DH thought it would suit her....he paid extra for her to wear a driver’s hat!
(Gift yet to be redeemed 😉)

@mumto2teenagers

My DH is unpredictable when it comes to gifts. He is great and very thoughtful in other ways though which I think is far more important.

DH either does really well with gifts or really bad. He once went into Superdrug the day before my birthday and grabbed what he though was a purfume gift set.....it was aftershave!!!!
For my 30th he booked a trip to New York and he spoke to my parents to arrange for them to look after DD's.

Blimey. Or he truly learned a lesson. Glad you got the NY trip!

How soon is his birthday, OP?
Because I think a gift of a day at a knitting course would make your point more eloquently than words…

@VienneseWhirligig

My late DH was ace with presents and helped everyone in my family with ideas for birthday and Christmas gifts for me so I always had lovely surprises.

After a year of crap gifts after he died (I was grateful and touched, my family hated not knowing what I wanted though), i was asked to create an online wish list and add to it throughout the year so they would always have ideas of what to get. It has caught on and now most of my family do similar for themselves.

It allows for the surprise of not knowing what you will get, but from a long list of things you actually want. Would something like this work for you?

I love this! Not sure why it sits better than submitting a list or specific gift. Will think about doing this.

My exh bought me a motorsport experience once and I felt the same about it

@Berry456

Someone tell me of some wonderful surprises they've received from their DH DP to make feel.like these men exist!

I got a Karcher Pressure Washer one year. And a step ladder one Christmas.

He got a PS4 & games.
And I bought him a 42" TV for our (1st) WA.

🤷🏻‍♀️ It's just stuff- at least he remembered. You can swap it for something else...and I had loads of fun with the Karcher drawing a penis on the patio

Awk I’m feeling this disappointment too, I got a peck on the cheek as he left for work, no card and the perfume he asked me to pick is nowhere in sight. My heavily pregnant hormones don’t make it any easier to rationalise that birthdays aren’t as important once we have kids and adult responsibilities.

@pollypersephone

I got a gliding experience. I was 7 months pregnant and afraid of heights.

Jeez. Did you do it?

My first ever birthday gift from my ex was oven gloves and some tea towels! I'm not even joking. That said, we were both pretty young.

@Saker

This is an interesting article about different ways in which people express their love (love language) and suggesting that some ways come more naturally to some people than others. Conflict may arise if two partners speak different love languages. If your DH is doing spontaneously nice things for you, he clearly is thinking about you and showing how he feels, but maybe he's just not so good at gifts. You may have to adjust your expectations and accept that he expresses his feelings in a different way. Equally in some cases a partner might feel that they would rather have the spontaneous day to day thoughtfulness when all their partner does is get them huge gifts and surprise parties.

Very good...gave heard of this but not looked into it. Will read thank you!

@ImbarbaraB

My exh bought me a motorsport experience once and I felt the same about it

Who are these men?! Hope my DP isn't you ex lol!!