Wedding anniversary and I'm in tears

[lala90]

Been married 7 years today, I went to a friends birthday last night and stayed over but was back by 9am and had left a card for him.

I've walked into the house, his friends are all asleep on the sofa/floor house is a tip, he's in bed stinking of alcohol and hasn't got me a card.

I'm sat in my garden in tears whilst they all eat bacon sandwiches, nursing their hangovers.

I didn't expect anything other than a card and I feel really shit, I work my arse off, take care of the house, do all his admin for his business on top of a full time job, his laundry, and I don't even get a card on our anniversary?

I feel like getting in the car and fucking off for the day, am I over reacting here?!

Go.

@giletrouge I feel like telling all of his friends to fuck off out of my house and take their shit and bottles with them (not normal for me, they're like brothers I never had) and then giving him a few home truths

Well I would do just that, and go out for the day!

You can certainly ask them to tidy up before they go, it’s their mess after all!

The poor dog was desperate for a wee, the cat is staring at the food bowl because it's midday and he hasn't been fed. I want to hit him over the head with something 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

Tell them to clean their mess up.

My house stinks of alcohol, wet shoe prints all over my floors, the toilet is covered in piss, the kitchen sides are covered in crisps, pizza, alcohol bottles...

Of course, go. Go do something nice for you.

Neglecting the pets would see me losing my shit with him. Kick the selfish, lazy arse out.

Worse and worse. You are putting up with this because?

Certainly tell him he's tidying all this up and go out so you don't get drawn into any of this.

Stop doing his fucking laundry and admin, unless you are paid for the latter.
He doesn’t love you any more for it does he? In fact he’s taking you at your own estimation of your worth; a born skivvy whose wants come second to his.
You need to change things fundamentally.
Losing it with his friends and getting them to clear up is a start.

He should be doing half the household work.
How have you got into this dynamic in the 21st century?

This is what he thinks of you. This is the amount of respect he has for you. One day of the year and he can’t make a tiny amount of effort? Leave the bastard. You can do so much better. You deserve better than this.

Wake him up, say you're going out for a few hours, when you get back, you need his friends gone and the house spotless. No conversation just instructions and then leave. Ignore your phone if he calls.

Lazy, selfish, inconsiderate arsehole. The friends as well. What a way to treat someone else’s house. Definitely go out for the day. I hope your DH goes some way to making amends by having the house pristine for your return.

Just go out for the day. I'm sure he will tidy up when his friends leave. Are you sure the cat hasn't been fed. Most seem to like to stare mournfully at empty food bowls.
Anyway let the dog out. Feed the cat and go out for the day.
Is it possible you need to reconsider communication with dh? If you want more acknowledgement you need to set expectations in advance. No one can mind read. If you've previously said "I don't mind" then that could reasonably be taken at face value.
I don't know what has been communicated between you before so if you have said in the last few weeks, shall we book a nice meal out for our anniversary and he's ignored it all then you are justified. If you are expecting a surprise when you have said let's not do anything then you are setting each other up for disappointment.

Why hasn’t he taken you out for dinner for your anniversary? Did he even make you a bacon sandwich? Stop wasting your life with this loser

It's a party which got bit out of hand. Tell them to clean up and no need for MN dramatics and kick him out suggestions🙄. If you don't want to do the admin, just tell him.
Some people are not into cards etc. Doesn't mean they love the partner less.

Feed the cat, let the dog out and leave a note saying 'i'm off out for the day and expect to come home to this place being tidy, see you later." Then go and enjoy your day.

If he livid. I’d leave for the day and tell him
It better be clean by the time your home. What is he usually like?

take yourself off for a nice day out.

If you’ve been home for 3 hours why are the cat and dog not looked after? None kf this is their fault and they shouldn’t suffer.
That said, I think this as a one off is a red herring. The division of labour doesn’t sound great from what you’ve said. Are you generally happy in your relationship?

Yes, sort the animals and go out.
I'd leave a note saying "Happy Anniversary, Guessing you forgot? I'm thinking you're not going to feel like celebrating so I'll probably see you later. I'm going shopping for my present."

Did he know you would be back at 9?
Did he think he'd have time to tidy up and just slept in?
Take the dog and go and clear your head for a couple of hours and tell him it needs to be done by the time you get back

I think I would just go bonkers in front of them all. March up to them and explain that as a special anniversary gift you want your house not to be stinking of alcohol and piss. Shove armfuls of cleaning products, binbags and mops into their hands and make them get on with it. If you all crash in somebody's house after a night out you jolly well clean up after and try to avoid disturbing any other occupants of the house who weren't on the piss. Even if you have to keep quietly taking yourself off round the back of the garage to be sick into a drain.