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Original poster

Wedding anniversary and I'm in tears

248 replies

lala90 · 20/06/2021 12:00

Been married 7 years today, I went to a friends birthday last night and stayed over but was back by 9am and had left a card for him.

I've walked into the house, his friends are all asleep on the sofa/floor house is a tip, he's in bed stinking of alcohol and hasn't got me a card.

I'm sat in my garden in tears whilst they all eat bacon sandwiches, nursing their hangovers.

I didn't expect anything other than a card and I feel really shit, I work my arse off, take care of the house, do all his admin for his business on top of a full time job, his laundry, and I don't even get a card on our anniversary?

I feel like getting in the car and fucking off for the day, am I over reacting here?!

OP posts:
NeedNewKnees · 20/06/2021 13:18

Tell him you’re off out, and you expect the house - and especially the bathroom - to be clean and tidy upon your return, and does he know where he’s taking you for dinner because he definitely needs to book somewhere.

Then swan off to the shops/cinema/wherever you like to spend time.

No need for crying.

SpeakingFranglais · 20/06/2021 13:18

Try to get a hair appointment

At 13:12 on a Sunday? 😂

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/06/2021 13:19

I like how answer to any relationship issue on MN is "go spend money"...

cupsofcoffee · 20/06/2021 13:20

I think expecting a clean house at 9am after a night of drinking/partying is a tad unrealistic tbh. It's certainly not worth crying over.

Why didn't you just ask him to make you a bacon sandwich while he cleared up?

Fuckitsstillraining · 20/06/2021 13:21

I had similar years ago but not on an anniversary, I came home to the house like a kip and his hungover mates lounging about. There were a few sober enough to understand when I stood on a kitchen chair and quietly but firmly told them I was going back out for a few hours and when I return the house better be fucking spotless, not a can or crisp to be seen, floors washed etc, I even threw in the lawn was to be mowed as it should have been done the day before, I told them to wake my partner and relay my message, and if it wasn't done one of them better be prepared to house him until I cooled down. I left and had a nice afternoon shopping, lovely meal and when I got home late the only thing out of place was a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates on the table. Partner had a sore head but we did laugh at the idea of me standing on the chair to get their attention. It never happened again, plenty of friends gathering for sports nights etc but house always kept clean.

Planty13 · 20/06/2021 13:22

Sounds like you both had a good night 🤷🏼‍♀️ I’d have jumped in and had a a good breakfast with them then told them to tidy up their shit so you and OH could enjoy the rest of the day together.

rwalker · 20/06/2021 13:26

@Planty13
Spot on

I don't know anyone who tidies up before they go to bed when there all having a good time and pissed. Normally after got up and come round a bit would crack on and tidy.

Kick off will make your bad day even worse they haven't even had chance to sort it before you are on one.

randomkey123 · 20/06/2021 13:27

In the nicest way, OP, you can't act like a complete doormat and then cry when someone wipes their feet on you.

Stop acting like a mug and wiping his arse on a daily basis when he obviously doesn't respect you for it.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/06/2021 13:31

You didn't make the bacon sandwiches did you, OP?

Sadly your anniversary doesn't mean the same to him as it does to you. That doesn't (unless you say otherwise) mean that he doesn't love you but it does mean that he doesn't that much about your happiness as he's left the house in a tip.

What man has friends over for a sleepover? He's pathetic!

You can either tell him exactly how it is - and get him to chuck his friends out to recover at home (the twats), or you can go out yourself and make your resolve as to what is important to you.

Sorry, you do sound really upset. Brew

cupsofcoffee · 20/06/2021 13:35

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

You didn't make the bacon sandwiches did you, OP?

Sadly your anniversary doesn't mean the same to him as it does to you. That doesn't (unless you say otherwise) mean that he doesn't love you but it does mean that he doesn't that much about your happiness as he's left the house in a tip.

What man has friends over for a sleepover? He's pathetic!

You can either tell him exactly how it is - and get him to chuck his friends out to recover at home (the twats), or you can go out yourself and make your resolve as to what is important to you.

Sorry, you do sound really upset. Brew

OP went for a sleepover herself! Is that pathetic too?
SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/06/2021 13:40

This reply has been deleted

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EvenRosesHaveThorns · 20/06/2021 13:44

I don't think having his friends round for a good time is any different to you going out and coming back the next morning. But then both me and my partner forgot our anniversary this year, I remembered two weeks later, so I don't put too much store by marking a somewhat arbitrary date

HoppingPavlova · 20/06/2021 13:50

Are you upset about the state of the house or the card? State of the house is okay as long as he cleans it up today no matter how shit he feels. The card depends on what agreement you have. DH and I would think the other had gone mad if they got a card or gift for an anniversary and that’s been the case for over 25 years, we don’t believe in wasting money on that or a card that will sit there for a week before going into the recycling bin. We are both very busy and lucky to remember it on the day or be in the same place at the same time due to work commitments to even wish each other happy anniversary but I do try and text if I remember and so does he but if one or both forgets it’s no big deal. So depends on your arrangement, if the agreement is you get each other a card and he has not then that’s poor.

HoppingPavlova · 20/06/2021 13:51

What man has friends over for a sleepover? He's pathetic

But OP went on a sleepover …..

Dannyandsandy · 20/06/2021 13:54

@khakiandcoral sorry but how is that projecting???

lastcall · 20/06/2021 13:56

He sounds kinda shit, OP. I'm sorry. I hope he apologises and cleans it all up without having to be asked.

dapsnotplimsolls · 20/06/2021 13:56

I hope you've gone out and you're having a nice lunch somewhere. Do NOT clean up the mess!

Northernparent68 · 20/06/2021 13:58

@cupsofcoffee

I think expecting a clean house at 9am after a night of drinking/partying is a tad unrealistic tbh. It's certainly not worth crying over.

Why didn't you just ask him to make you a bacon sandwich while he cleared up?

This.

There are a lot of angry Posts about the fact the op does the laundry. However we do not know what chores the op’s husband does and it’s hardly erroneous in any event

arethereanyleftatall · 20/06/2021 13:59

We have a tiny snap shot of ops life.

Beyond that, almost every single response on this thread has simply projected and made up the rest of the story themselves. Utterly pointless.

Some have decided he doesn't do any hw at all.

Some have decided he's a lovely guy who's just not in to cards.

How on Earth any of you know the actual truth to post one way or the other is beyond me.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/06/2021 13:59

@HoppingPavlova

What man has friends over for a sleepover? He's pathetic

But OP went on a sleepover …..

Yes but she was back by 9am as she said she would be.

I wouldn't be happy to return home to hungover men and the house in a mess. Would you?

ChaToilLeam · 20/06/2021 14:03

@Fuckitsstillraining

I had similar years ago but not on an anniversary, I came home to the house like a kip and his hungover mates lounging about. There were a few sober enough to understand when I stood on a kitchen chair and quietly but firmly told them I was going back out for a few hours and when I return the house better be fucking spotless, not a can or crisp to be seen, floors washed etc, I even threw in the lawn was to be mowed as it should have been done the day before, I told them to wake my partner and relay my message, and if it wasn't done one of them better be prepared to house him until I cooled down. I left and had a nice afternoon shopping, lovely meal and when I got home late the only thing out of place was a bunch of flowers and box of chocolates on the table. Partner had a sore head but we did laugh at the idea of me standing on the chair to get their attention. It never happened again, plenty of friends gathering for sports nights etc but house always kept clean.
That’s the way to do it!
MotherofTerriers · 20/06/2021 14:09

You must be very hurt, I'm sorry
I wouldn't be cleaning up his friends' piss for them

I wouldn't be rushing to do his business admin either
Leave him a note saying to phone you when the house is clean and go out somewhere nice. Maybe lunch out, a nice walk, meet a friend?

Hawkins001 · 20/06/2021 14:13

That takes the biscuit op, how are you now ? All the best

Loopylobes · 20/06/2021 14:14

It is poor planning on your part to have stayed out the night before your anniversary.

You have a very low opinion of men if you think this man needed her to be at home the night before a special occasion to manage his behaviour and ensure he got her a card. He is an adult.

Some posts on here are so depressing. Tell him what you expect? Stay at home to make sure he behaves himself?

He knows full well that it was important that he got a card, as it's what they always do and no grown man needs 24 hour supervision beforehand to ensure he acknowledges an anniversary.

There are quite a few people on here who need to raise their bar somewhat.

If he genuinely cared about the OP, he wouldn't need telling that he needs to return the house to the state she left it. He would now be apoligising because he felt guilty, cleaning up and either expecting his mates to help or ushering them out of the door.

OP, he has got his priorities wrong on this occasion at least. If this is unusual and assuming he clears up unprompted, I would let it go. If this is normal for him, you need to consider whether a future with him is what you really want.

khakiandcoral · 20/06/2021 14:14

I wouldn't be happy to return home to hungover men and the house in a mess. Would you?

who said the OP should be "happy"?

Still a long way to go to reach the "leave the bastard and divorce him immediately" because he had a party last night... while the OP was at a party herself Hmm