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Original poster

Wedding anniversary and I'm in tears

248 replies

lala90 · 20/06/2021 12:00

Been married 7 years today, I went to a friends birthday last night and stayed over but was back by 9am and had left a card for him.

I've walked into the house, his friends are all asleep on the sofa/floor house is a tip, he's in bed stinking of alcohol and hasn't got me a card.

I'm sat in my garden in tears whilst they all eat bacon sandwiches, nursing their hangovers.

I didn't expect anything other than a card and I feel really shit, I work my arse off, take care of the house, do all his admin for his business on top of a full time job, his laundry, and I don't even get a card on our anniversary?

I feel like getting in the car and fucking off for the day, am I over reacting here?!

OP posts:
Ivy48 · 20/06/2021 12:18

I’d bugger off for the day and tell him you want the house returned to the say condition you left it in, let him stew wondering why, the light bulb will soon come on.

Lampzade · 20/06/2021 12:18

@ShinyMe

Feed the cat, let the dog out and leave a note saying 'i'm off out for the day and expect to come home to this place being tidy, see you later." Then go and enjoy your day.
This
Snoken · 20/06/2021 12:20

I would be furious! I would just feed the pets, put the dog in the car and go for a loooong walk and lunch with the dog. Somewhere nice, clean and quiet. Send DH a text saying you will be home later (not what time) and that you expect the house to be spotless.

HollowTalk · 20/06/2021 12:21

I'd tell them to get out, tell my partner to clean up the place and I'd go out until it was clean. That's like living with a horrible teenager.

myfuckingfreezer · 20/06/2021 12:21

@lala90

The poor dog was desperate for a wee, the cat is staring at the food bowl because it's midday and he hasn't been fed. I want to hit him over the head with something 🤦🏻‍♀️😂
Why, when you were back at 9am?
Secondsop · 20/06/2021 12:34

Take yourself off for a few hours doing something you like - it sounds like a party that got a bit carried away and now needs some cleanup, which could happen to anyone, but the bigger picture here is that he hadn’t thought about your anniversary or recognised all you do. Hope you manage to have a nice day. Flowers

BiscoffAddict · 20/06/2021 12:36

@SchrodingersImmigrant

It's a party which got bit out of hand. Tell them to clean up and no need for MN dramatics and kick him out suggestions🙄. If you don't want to do the admin, just tell him. Some people are not into cards etc. Doesn't mean they love the partner less.
This! If it’s just one off then you need to get a grip. Be pissed off with him by all means, but ‘sitting in the garden in tears’ is pathetic and a massive overreaction unless there’s back story you’ve not told us about.
Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 12:39

@myfuckingfreezer the dog was desperate for a wee when I got in as he's let out at 6:30 every day. The cat comes in same time and his food is put down. He must of come in and left and came back again as like I said, he's staring at his food bowl so of course I fed him.

To PP, he hadn't been fed and I know he hasn't because once he's had his pouch he doesn't go back to his bowl until 6:30 when he's fed again.

OP posts:
ApplesandBananas21 · 20/06/2021 12:41

Party got out of hand, it happens.
I wouldn't be sitting crying in the garden tbh, if your sick of doing everything that's a different matter which has been heightened because your pissed off, talk to him about it.
If this happened any other weekend how would you have reacted? Is it because it's your anniversary you feel worse?

PotteringAlong · 20/06/2021 12:42

Did he know you would be back at 9am? If your anniversary is such a big deal, why were you both out separately with friends last night? What do you normally do for your anniversary?

Theimpossiblegirl · 20/06/2021 12:42

You both had a night with friends last night. His happened in your home so there's clean-up involved. Maybe you should have both planned your anniversary weekend better- we discuss things like this in advance.

If you've been home over 3 hours you can surely feed the cat and walk the dog though, it's not their faults!

Frazzled2207 · 20/06/2021 12:42

My husband did this with my birthday last year. I went out for a very long run after we had a massive argument about it (Tbf at the time we couldn’t have really gone anywhere as it was the middle of lockdown 1 but I was appalled by literally zero effort).
Anyway I eventually got over it and he was very apologetic. Did well at my most recent birthday.
So I’d let him off but would expect a serious apology and effort to make it up to you.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 20/06/2021 12:43

Seriously, all the time you allow this to happen it will happen. Stop posting on here and getting more wound up. Go and have a lovely day shopping, going for a drive, visiting friends or an attraction you want to see. You are not obligated to do anything for this man - you are choosing to do so.

Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 12:44

To PPs, I told him I'd be back early so that we can spend the day together.

We live a 2 minute walk from a tesco express which sells cards and is open 7-10 every day.

We've never given each other presents for anniversary but always cards.

Regardless of if it's a party that got out of hand, as a human, if I crashed at a friends house like I did last night, bottles go in recycling and leftover food gets put away, we are in our 30s ffs not 19.

No need for piss all over my toilet either, or not taking off their wet muddy trainers when I left the house clean and tidy.

Calling me pathetic for crying over it isn't very nice either.

OP posts:
DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/06/2021 12:45

@Cocogreen

Yes, sort the animals and go out. I'd leave a note saying "Happy Anniversary, Guessing you forgot? I'm thinking you're not going to feel like celebrating so I'll probably see you later. I'm going shopping for my present."
This.

Its true that no one can mind read, but your anniversary is an annual thing and not a surprise. When you've calmed down tell him exactly what you expect from anniversaries and birthdays in future. And you should have a present for all the free admin you do for him on top of your full time work!

You are an unpaid worker for his business. Is his business flourishing? Negotiate some recompense for this because your time could be spent earning money for your own savings or pension. I really believe that people don't value what they don't pay for and this especially applies to free labour.

Even if it wasn't your anniversary no one would want to come home to a scene like this. Its not a pub and you shouldn't be left to clean up the wee his friends have left on the loo floor. They are not teenagers having a facebook party.

Aprilx · 20/06/2021 12:45

I wouldn’t be worried about the anniversary part of this to be totally honest. You weren’t there for anniversary morning and neither of you seem to have planned anything for the day. I can’t get worked up about a man and woman that share a home buying a card for each other on the same day, it seems pretty pointless.

I would be annoyed about coming home to such a mess and if generally he does not pull his weight when it comes to housework. I think that is the issue here. My response today, would be to go out and say you expect the place to be cleaned up by the time you return.

NotTheCatsWhiskers · 20/06/2021 12:46

I hope you’re not cleaning it up.

GreenTeaBlackCoffeeAndRedWine · 20/06/2021 12:49

Lot of overreactions here. Don't throw him or the friends out, that will get you nowhere.

Leave a note or send him a text asking him to tidy up and just go out.

FFSFFSFFS · 20/06/2021 12:50

Why do you do his laundry?

I am always baffled by women who willing do something which shows that they don't value themselves and are then upset when their partners don't value them either.

He's a dick but you've willingly created a set up where you aren't valued.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 20/06/2021 12:52

@FFSFFSFFS

Why do you do his laundry?

I am always baffled by women who willing do something which shows that they don't value themselves and are then upset when their partners don't value them either.

He's a dick but you've willingly created a set up where you aren't valued.

Could not agree more. There is a degree of martyrdom here.
MsPavlichenko · 20/06/2021 12:53

Get out for the day. Actions really do speak louder than words in this situation. You have no DC so can do this. This might shock him into thinking about this. All the talking in the world won’t. Also think on if you are planning DC, if this doesn’t stop now.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 20/06/2021 12:54

@FFSFFSFFS

Why do you do his laundry?

I am always baffled by women who willing do something which shows that they don't value themselves and are then upset when their partners don't value them either.

He's a dick but you've willingly created a set up where you aren't valued.

I do all the laundry. It's quite ridiculous to do them separately if it wouldn't fill the machine. He does other stuff.

Doesn't mean I don't value myself because I handle laundry😐

khakiandcoral · 20/06/2021 12:54

You were at a party, he had a party, give him a chance!

I never go to bed until I clean the house personally, or have a shower, ever when VERY drunk, but I accept some people do things differently.

yes go out for the day so you don't have to put up with the mess until he cleans up.

If you only wanted a card, he's got all day to buy one, why does it matter.

AgentJohnson · 20/06/2021 12:56

Thank fuck he forgot, if all it took was a bloody card to excuse away the fact you let him treat you like a skivvy. Take your child out and let him know that should be no trace of his mates when you return (mess that he and they made, bodily fluids etc). This is what he thinks of you.

Let this be a wake up call, stop prioritising someone who treats you like an option.

Newkitchen123 · 20/06/2021 12:57

@FFSFFSFFS

Why do you do his laundry?

I am always baffled by women who willing do something which shows that they don't value themselves and are then upset when their partners don't value them either.

He's a dick but you've willingly created a set up where you aren't valued.

I do the laundry He does plenty of other stuff It doesn't mean he doesn't respect me because I do the washing!