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Original poster

Wedding anniversary and I'm in tears

248 replies

lala90 · 20/06/2021 12:00

Been married 7 years today, I went to a friends birthday last night and stayed over but was back by 9am and had left a card for him.

I've walked into the house, his friends are all asleep on the sofa/floor house is a tip, he's in bed stinking of alcohol and hasn't got me a card.

I'm sat in my garden in tears whilst they all eat bacon sandwiches, nursing their hangovers.

I didn't expect anything other than a card and I feel really shit, I work my arse off, take care of the house, do all his admin for his business on top of a full time job, his laundry, and I don't even get a card on our anniversary?

I feel like getting in the car and fucking off for the day, am I over reacting here?!

OP posts:
khakiandcoral · 20/06/2021 14:16

He knows full well that it was important that he got a card

maybe he didn't realise the card had to be there before 9am?

LivingOnAnIsland · 20/06/2021 14:17

Haven't read the whole thread but I think you're overreacting. You both went out last night, you stayed at a friends, his friends stayed over at yours, doesn't seem like your night was much different to his except you got up earlier.

Tistheseason17 · 20/06/2021 14:19

I'd write a note with list of things he nees to do (Inc cleaning toilet!) end it with Happy Wedding Anniversary and giving the card - then I'd go out and treat myself.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/06/2021 14:21

@khakiandcoral

I wouldn't be happy to return home to hungover men and the house in a mess. Would you?

who said the OP should be "happy"?

Still a long way to go to reach the "leave the bastard and divorce him immediately" because he had a party last night... while the OP was at a party herself Hmm

Why are you pulling faces?

I didn't suggest the OP should leave/divorce. I said she should think about how she wants to handle this. I'm sure she's doing that.

You have your standards, I have mine. I'm ok with that and I don't need to judge you or anybody else.

LesleyA · 20/06/2021 14:21

The card shouldn’t be an issue at compared to what the issues are. Would a beautiful card make any difference to coming home to your husband and house in that state? Even if he wrote you are the most amazing wife (slave/mother) in the world. I really believe if one is shown appreciation and gratitude in your every day life the gift or card or effort for an anniversary wouldn’t be a big deal.

NotTheCatsWhiskers · 20/06/2021 14:22

How did you know he hadn’t got you a card?

Seesawmummadaw · 20/06/2021 14:25

I might be a bit put out but I would probably just go to the beach and come back in a few hours.

It’s all quite dramatic isn’t it?

Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 14:26

I went to a friends for her birthday, had only a few glasses of wine and lots of water so I was fit to drive home early enough to spend the day together.

He knew I'd be home. Why didn't he get a card yesterday or last week or whenever?

I don't care that he had friends over, I went to my friends too, what I do care about is the absolute state of my house (grown men shouldn't be disrespecting somebody's home like they have done mine, this wasn't a house party they are in their 30s!) they could have left a few beer bottles and pizza boxes and I'd of been fine but the house is a fucking state! It's the thoughtlessness that gets me.

No we don't have children, no he doesn't do anything around the house usually and yes I probably am a doormat but at the moment quite frankly I'm pissed off and I've had enough.

OP posts:
notanothertakeaway · 20/06/2021 14:26

@lala90

My house stinks of alcohol, wet shoe prints all over my floors, the toilet is covered in piss, the kitchen sides are covered in crisps, pizza, alcohol bottles...
These are all things your DP can deal with tiday, unless mud is on carpet
cupsofcoffee · 20/06/2021 14:26

I wouldn't be happy to return home to hungover men and the house in a mess. Would you?

No, but I also wouldn't expect a pristine house at 9am, knowing my husband had been drinking their with his mates the night before.

If it's okay for OP to go out to a party and have a sleepover, it should be fine for him to do the same, no?

Pyewackect · 20/06/2021 14:27

Yes, you are totally over reacting. And bursting into tears : really !. How old are you ?.

Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 14:27

@NotTheCatsWhiskers because he told me when I went straight up to the bedroom to say happy anniversary and give him a kiss and a cuddle!

OP posts:
NoBetterthanSheShouldBe · 20/06/2021 14:28

@Theimpossiblegirl

You both had a night with friends last night. His happened in your home so there's clean-up involved. Maybe you should have both planned your anniversary weekend better- we discuss things like this in advance.

If you've been home over 3 hours you can surely feed the cat and walk the dog though, it's not their faults!

This.
Redjumper1 · 20/06/2021 14:28

I bet she made the bacon sandwiches.

Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 14:29

@Pyewackect because it's upset me, the fact that the man I married is suddenly so thoughtless and doesn't give a shit mumbled sorry and then said it's just another day in the year.

All I wanted was a card, I've never asked for anything more.

OP posts:
Original poster
lala90 · 20/06/2021 14:29

@Redjumper1 no "she" didn't...

OP posts:
cupsofcoffee · 20/06/2021 14:30

I don't care that he had friends over, I went to my friends too, what I do care about is the absolute state of my house (grown men shouldn't be disrespecting somebody's home like they have done mine, this wasn't a house party they are in their 30s!) they could have left a few beer bottles and pizza boxes and I'd of been fine but the house is a fucking state! It's the thoughtlessness that gets me.

You haven't really described a "state" in any of your posts - just typical post-party mess. I think it was unrealistic to expect a spotless house at 9am after a night of drinking.

Anyway - rubbish can be put in the bin/recycling, floors can be mopped and windows opened to let the house air - it's hardly the end of the world - and those are all tasks he can do while you sit in the garden and enjoy the sunshine.

It's not like he's left stains on the carpet and vomit on the bedsheets!

MaybeCrazy2 · 20/06/2021 14:30

Sounds like a blessing in disguise. A little bit sad that you think your only worth a card though.

I believe this is what happens when you stop demanding presents and gifts and go with the “just a card” thing, they stop trying so just stop thinking of you.

I write a list now of things I want for occasions, don’t care that I’m telling him to do it and it’s not off his own back- it’s better than nothing, which is what I got for a few years!! Now he does get me extra things too, so it’s actually working for me!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/06/2021 14:31

cupsofcoffee Not really, no. Firstly I wouldn't expect this the day before my anniversary as I'd probably want to do something that day as a couple and secondly, I wouldn't want or expect to come home to a mess and stinking-of-alcohol men cluttering up the house still.

It doesn't really matter what you or I think, OP wasn't happy about it, although I suspect that's more manifested in the lack of a card. I don't do cards myself but I can understand why it matters to her.

This thread seems to have attracted quite a few posters who take a pride in being accepting of this behaviour. That's fine, we're all different but I wouldn't like it - and OP doesn't.

LiberteEgaliteBeyonce · 20/06/2021 14:32

Never understood what the deal is with cards. Why would you give a card to someone you see everyday? Just say what you have to say face to face and give a hug.

khakiandcoral · 20/06/2021 14:32

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Never understood what the deal is with cards. Why would you give a card to someone you see everyday? Just say what you have to say face to face and give a hug.
I am with you, but apparently it's a HUGE thing for some people.
MaybeCrazy2 · 20/06/2021 14:33

Your also getting a hard time on this thread.
I think you should acknowledge it’s not the state of the house that’s actually pissed you off, it’s the complete lack of thought for you. Two differnt things. Stop beating about the bush, your a grown women and he isn’t a mind reader, you want it, you say it!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 20/06/2021 14:34

@LiberteEgaliteBeyonce

Never understood what the deal is with cards. Why would you give a card to someone you see everyday? Just say what you have to say face to face and give a hug.
Yes you have. What do you care about? Would you feel a bit diminished if you posted about it and your feelings dismissed?

This thread is catnip today...

LiberteEgaliteBeyonce · 20/06/2021 14:35

Regardless of anniversary, I wouldn't like going back to a home that is a mess but would get over it if he cleans it up.

Summerhaven · 20/06/2021 14:37

OMG, this thread is so dramatic.

OP, I can understand you being disappointed and I’d be LIVID about the house as I can’t stand a messy or dirty house, especially when it’s been made by people that don’t even live in it, so yes, I’d be fuming about that!

However everyone telling you to LTB and you saying you’re sitting in the garden crying, everyone needs to calm the F down. I’d have gone and got showered, dressed and yes, gone out for a few hours and told your husband you’re going out and you expect his mates gone and the place spotless by the time you come back. I’d go out for a few hours, maybe grab some lunch etc and try and forget about it until I got home.

If you don’t want to do the admin anymore and feel unappreciated after doing it, then tell him he’ll have to get an administrator or start paying you. Draw up a lot of jobs each week that he has to do (e.g vacuuming twice a week, taking the bins out walking the dog 3 times a week etc etc ) so there is a more fair division of labour moving forward.

Unless you are deeply unhappy in your marriage and I can’t imagine that you are because you seem DJ keen to celebrate your anniversary, then LTB is just so dramatic.

It’s shit he forgot to get you a card, but my guess is he planned to get one when he got up today. Unless he does this every year, but you haven’t said that then I’d just tell him you’re disappointed and expect better next time.

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