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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was 15 he was 23

273 replies

Blissbiz · 19/06/2021 08:13

I was 15 he was 23 and was my "boyfriend" for about 3 or 4 months although thinking back he was obviously sleeping with other people.
He is famous now, really famous and in the media alot.He didn't force me, actually I was flattered but now I can't stop thinking about it. My daughter is now 15 and I can't imagine her with someone this age or why he would want to be with her!
Do I need to just forget about it and move on, he doesn't come across as creepy or sleazy, quite the opposite in interviews but I'm struggling to see him without feeling angry.

OP posts:
icepackquestion · 19/06/2021 08:22

Forget about it and move on

Toomuchspinning · 19/06/2021 08:37

….. when you met at midnight, at the hanging tree?

Sorry couldn’t resist.

But yes, leave it and move on. You could go after him for rape presumably as you were underage and he was not, but given it was many years ago, would it be worth it given the pain it would cause you?

Sinner10 · 19/06/2021 08:48

It’s strange how when you get older you realise how wrong somethings are. I was 16 and went out with a guy of 23, legal yes but so wrong. I was also 19 and had a FWB type thing with a guy who told me he was 33 and turned out to be 40!

Singlebutmarried · 19/06/2021 08:51

17 and he was 25 here, was with him for nearly six years, more off than on at the end.

I’m not sure how I’ll feel if DD brings home a much older boyfriend

Whatsnewpussyhat · 19/06/2021 08:55

At 15 you probably thought you were mature, grown up, ready for this relationship etc.
Now your own DD is 15 you are seeing this for what it actually was.

A grown man who was a creepy arsehole that targeted a 15 year old.

thirstyformore · 19/06/2021 08:57

My friend at school had a boyfriend who was 28 when she was 15. He ended up moving in with her and her parents when we were still at school. Even then I thought it very strange. Looking back it is appalling. Imagine at 28 waving goodbye to your partner you live with as you go to work....and they are wearing a school uniform Envy

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2021 08:58

Do you know why you’re so angry? I was fifteen and mine was 25. I have fond memories of him and really liked him. In fact we were on and off till I was 20. Recently re connected on Facebook. Not in a romantic way, just a catch up way. He lives in another continent too.

Naunet · 19/06/2021 08:59

Yeah it’s wrong OP, creepy as fuck. I slept with a 35 year old when I was 16 (and looked a lot younger). I thought I was mature, flattered by his attention, now I look back and cringe. I couldn’t imagine being attracted to a 16 year old at that age, it’s so predatory. He had a daughter just 2 years younger than me too 🤢

MaybeCrazy2 · 19/06/2021 09:00

I think that’s normal. When you have kids yourself and they get to certain ages, it shocks yourself how irresponsible you where or makes you wince at things you done at the age they are.

It can be stupid things, like the time I lied to my mum and said I was at a friends when actually I was being very stupid! But we all make mistakes when we are younger because we don’t fully appreciate the consequences at the time.

Naunet · 19/06/2021 09:00

@Bluntness100

Do you know why you’re so angry? I was fifteen and mine was 25. I have fond memories of him and really liked him. In fact we were on and off till I was 20. Recently re connected on Facebook. Not in a romantic way, just a catch up way. He lives in another continent too.
At 25, would you have gone after a 15 year old?
Bluntness100 · 19/06/2021 09:05

At 25, would you have gone after a 15 year old?

No of course not, and no I’d not have been happy if my daughter was in that situation

But it doesn’t change the fact I liked him, I liked spending time with him, he treated me with respect, we never actually had full sex. I won’t change my truth.

So op do you understand why you’re so angry?

Naunet · 19/06/2021 09:06

@Bluntness100

At 25, would you have gone after a 15 year old?

No of course not, and no I’d not have been happy if my daughter was in that situation

But it doesn’t change the fact I liked him, I liked spending time with him, he treated me with respect, we never actually had full sex. I won’t change my truth.

So op do you understand why you’re so angry?

Well then you see why OP might feel uncomfortable about it looking back.
Hallyup6 · 19/06/2021 09:08

@Bluntness100

Do you know why you’re so angry? I was fifteen and mine was 25. I have fond memories of him and really liked him. In fact we were on and off till I was 20. Recently re connected on Facebook. Not in a romantic way, just a catch up way. He lives in another continent too.
And like the op you were, and still are, it seems, completely blinded to that fact that this is absolutely not normal. A 15 year old is a child. A 25 year old is a grown (not even a young) adult. What adult wants to be sexually involved with a child? There's only one word for them.
Pinkdelight3 · 19/06/2021 09:10

Forget and move on. At least half the girls in my year at school (late 80s) were shagging at 15 and usually had older boyfriends in their late teens/early 20s. Not excusing circumstances with coercion, grooming etc, but in some ways things really were different then - we were also going to pubs underage, not staying in living life online etc. More and Just 17 etc has us fixated with doing it from our early teens, and we weren't really comparable with kids now who (healthily in many ways) seem younger at that age and (quite rightly) take longer to 'grow up'. Obviously I don't know if you're the same era, but if so, I'd let it go. It's shit that he cheated on you, but it's fairly rare that early boyfriends aren't crap in one way or another, that's why we move on. If he wasn't famous, would you even be thinking about it? Or would just be 'oh god, I lost it to that loser stumbling out of a bookies down town' and you'd shudder/laugh and draw a veil over it.

PearlclutchersInc · 19/06/2021 09:10

At that age I wanted so much to be treated as an adult - and thought (ah, the ignorance and arrogance of youth) that I was so mature. I knew what I wanted and hung out with older people in their 20's rather than my own age group. I looked older and got male attention.

It was a long time ago and people dont seem to be the sleazes they are today.

PeanuttyButter · 19/06/2021 09:11

15 and 21 here.
Been together 18 years and happily married. No DC so could walk away at any time without consequence. Parents wasnt happy but once they met him they could see that I had an old head and he was and is still a kid at heart.

Bluntness100 · 19/06/2021 09:11

For goodness sake. I’m a grown woman. It is my life and my views end of. I’m not changing my truth because it doesn’t sit well with some randoms on line.

And asking the op what’s driving her anger is a valid question.

comebackineedyou · 19/06/2021 09:15

I was sleeping with a 37 year old guy when I was 15. Thought it was totally normal. Still makes me sick when I see the guy now.

TheVolturi · 19/06/2021 09:19

I'm quite surprised that the general consensus is forget and move on. Not that I am gunning for the guy to be hung, but it's interesting. Especially since the guy wasn't exclusively dating op, just using her by the sounds of it.

scubadive · 19/06/2021 09:23

Move on

scubadive · 19/06/2021 09:24

Things were different then, lots of older boys went with younger girls, they weren’t taught it was wrong like they are today, at 23 he was only young himself, don’t try to cause trouble for him.

peboh · 19/06/2021 09:25

@TheVolturi

I'm quite surprised that the general consensus is forget and move on. Not that I am gunning for the guy to be hung, but it's interesting. Especially since the guy wasn't exclusively dating op, just using her by the sounds of it.
But it was a very long time ago. They've both moved on with their lives. What good does it do to hold on to anger and resentment?
SleepingStandingUp · 19/06/2021 09:26

Op of you're feeling angry every time you see him, it doesn't sound like you can just switch that off. How often do you see him on TV etc? If it's once a year it's probably fine but I think if you're constantly triggered you need to consider counselling

PinkG0ld · 19/06/2021 09:28

It’s disgusting that men (or women) in their 20s date teenagers. I also think it’s creepy when an 18 year old is with someone in their 30s and 40s, even though they’re technically an adult. Alarm bells should ring when a man can’t get a woman their own age.

Eskarina1 · 19/06/2021 09:30

I'm also surprised - and shocked at the description of it as the OPs irresponsible behaviour. Teenagers are irresponsible, wanting to be seen as grown ups, very aware of sex and therefore vulnerable to exploitation from adults. It isn't ok for someone in their twenties, especially someone who is sleeping with others too, to be in a romantic/sexual relationship with a fifteen year old. There is too much potential for manipulation. That doesn't mean it's there in every case but it needs to be unacceptable to protect children. We shouldn't blur the lines. 16 is the age of consent. If 23 and 15 is ok, then what if she was 14 but nearly 15?