I was 15 he was 23

[Blissbiz]

I was 15 he was 23 and was my "boyfriend" for about 3 or 4 months although thinking back he was obviously sleeping with other people.
He is famous now, really famous and in the media alot.He didn't force me, actually I was flattered but now I can't stop thinking about it. My daughter is now 15 and I can't imagine her with someone this age or why he would want to be with her!
Do I need to just forget about it and move on, he doesn't come across as creepy or sleazy, quite the opposite in interviews but I'm struggling to see him without feeling angry.

Back in the 80s it was totally common for this age gap. Remember our parents generation were often married at 18. So glad that now a days things have changed and this isn’t acceptable. I look back on my just turned 16 and him 26 and cringe. He used to pick me up from school and no one batted an eye lid. I’d try and forget about it or talk to someone to work your way through the anger .

I think it really depends on the dynamic, a young 15 year old with an older guy who is basically grooming her is obviously massively problematic. A mature 15 year old in a genuine relatoonship (casual or otherwise) with an older guy was pretty acceptable at the time.

My mother was 16 and my dad would have been 23 when they met. They've been married for 38 years.

@TheVolturi

Maybe it's difficult for the op seeing this man regularly on TV or whatever? Not the actual fact that he's famous, like she's bloody jealous or something. Why is the age consent 16 if it's OK for grown adult men to have sex with girls younger than this? My own personal experience is that I was 14, and very much looked like 14, or less. Didn't wear makeup or dress grown up. And I was groomed into having a relationship with a 36 year old man who was in a position of authority. The man was attractive, confident and well liked by everyone. My older brother actually called the police because my mum wasn't bothered. The police said since I was happy to be in a relationship with him there was nothing they could do This is in the 90s, now I am grown up with my own dc I can't really put it to rest in my head. It absolutely wasn't OK and he was a predator.

I'm quite surprised by that. I remember in the late 90s a man I knew was arrested for statutory rape with a 15 year old in a consensual relationship. He claimed to believe she was 16. Because he was 26, they pursued it. She didn't want to press charges and not sure her parents even knew. If he'd have been younger than (I think) 24 the police wouldn't have done anything. I'm not sure what the exact law was then.

I was a bit older, 18, when I met DH but emotionally young, he although in his 30s wasnt mature even then and had no 'family' life experience. (grew up in the 'care' system.)We sort of grew up together and 35 years later are still together. Although its not something I would necessarily advocate.
DD started seeing a guy when she was 17 and he 32..although we were not happy about it, as clearly she knew her parents age difference, we couldnt moralise, we thought rather than 'disapprove' we would 'welcome', it also removed any rebellion. remembers an excruiciating afternoon tea We talked honestly about us and the issues we encountered, she quickly realised he was using her and dumped him.

@NewModelArmyMayhem18

My 15 year old often asks me what's the point of having a boyfriend at her age!

In the 70s/80s/90s it certainly was more normal and socially accepted to have an older boyfriend, wasn't it?

I think it was seen as more normal then, yes. I had an uncle in his twenties who was in a serious relationship with a girl in her mid-teens, which, incidentally, went the distance (they have grandchildren now). The only eyebrows that were raised were those of the snobbish side of the family, who thought maybe she wasn't the right type, mostly because she was happy to go out with someone in their mid twenties. Her family certainly weren't worried. They had him move into their house.

I was 16 and my DH 25 when we first got together. We’ve been married 27 years now and got 4 kids.

Many to add @TheVolturi that I'm sorry that happened to you and it wasn't ok. X

My parents were a bit concerned when I was 18 and going out with a man of 25. This was the early 1980s. We didn't have sex and he definitely wasn't creepy, but we did share a time-intensive sport and were friends first.

I was 15 when I had my first child, and the father was 22. Looking back, I think if he had tried to get a partner his own age he would have struggled to find someone to put up with him as he was not a nice person. Obviously not all the time, but I think often a certain type of person goes after vulnerable young girls because they might be easier to control and put up with more. When my daughters are older I hope they don’t date older men as teens. Dating at 14/15 should be new and fun.

I was 14 he was 22 - it didn’t last long. I was heartbroken. But it was so wrong on so many levels.

OP was he famous at the time? Did he use his fame to "dazzle" young girls? That would add another level of grooming, which may make seeing him being successful and all over the place make you even more angry.

Either way he was with someone underage and you have every reason to be angry at him and at the adults who should have said something.

I hope you can find peace.

Of course op says she was happy to date this older man, but maybe she is picking up on the fact that in retrospect she knows it was inappropriate and feels taken advantage of in a way. I think we all feel protective of our younger selves.

I think pre-1970s it was frowned upon though. My late DM knew a woman who was 15 when she had sex with her older boyfriend - I think he was 21 - in the 1950s. He was prosecuted. As soon as she was old enough, they married.

I’m 41. I remember a local band who had two particularly enthusiastic 15 year old ‘groupies’ who would be shared around after gigs. My boyfriend’s older brother was friends with one of the band members so we’d often be there as they discussed this back at their shared house or took it in turns to take one upstairs. The girls both looked a lot older than 15, but everyone knew their ages. The band members were all late 20s.

I always felt really uncomfortable about it, but couldn’t put a finger on why since everyone seemed happy with the situation. It also seemed strange how I, despite being a year older than these girls, was treated like a little sister and discouraged from joining in with drugs, drinking too much etc.

I wonder how those girls feel about it now and how much support they’d have got from the band members in the event of unwanted pregnancy or STIs. I remember one had parents in the midst of a bitter divorce and, presumably, an unhappy home life.

Also, irrelevant but, they (band and girls) were all wealthy and private/public school educated but LARPing at being working class which used to annoy me too

I can only speak from my own experience, but it was quite common back in the 80s.

I'm not saying it was right - i'm saying it wasn't frowned upon as much as it is/would be now.

A friend of mine at 14/15 had a boyfriend who was mid/late 20s. Her parents knew and he would go round for dinner sometimes. I can remember my mum muttering about it to my dad and shaking her head.

At the time i (also 14/15) found it ... just ... odd. A 25 year old seemed like an old codger to me! How boring just sitting in his car or in the pub garden together i thought. I lost my virginity at 14 to a 17 year old, so was no sweet innocent. But a 20 something? No it wouldn't have appealed to me.

3 of my DDs are early 20s now. I'd have gone mental if at 14 any bloke over 17 had wanted to go near them.

To all those saying how fine this is, would you have slept with a 15 year old when you were 25? If not, why not? Because a 15 year old seems like a child when you were 25? Well that’s why some people are uncomfortable with it, stop telling us not to be, when you know it’s not right, because you wouldn’t have chased a 15 year old either.

The age gap is not good, creepy. But his fame and holier than though image must really grate.

Is that the source of the anger?

But. I also agree with stormin that it was a totally different age back then and some girls were much much more mature than male peers, more so than now.

At no point in any time was it ever acceptable!! Can’t believe people are saying it was!!

What if it was the day she turned 16, that magically makes it ok but the day before it's completely unacceptable?

Agreed, but remember this era when the tabloids were literally counting down a girl's 16th birthday so they could show you her tits?? That was the dominant narrative! Very very glad that's become unacceptable now, but can't pretend that wasn't the way of things in the 20th century.

Mummyrat, the OP's post doesn't read like the guy was famous at the time.

I was 16 and dated a guy who was 28 but I wanted to remain a virgin so it ended. I saw him for about a month. What is awful is that he was a lecturer at a local college and looking back I looked young I mean really young sort of like a 13 year old.

@Pinkdelight3

What if it was the day she turned 16, that magically makes it ok but the day before it's completely unacceptable?

Agreed, but remember this era when the tabloids were literally counting down a girl's 16th birthday so they could show you her tits?? That was the dominant narrative! Very very glad that's become unacceptable now, but can't pretend that wasn't the way of things in the 20th century.

Mummyrat, the OP's post doesn't read like the guy was famous at the time.

Maybe he was on the trajectory to being famous and that added to his status eg was becoming successful in his field, was a budding musician etc. I remember at that age being very impressed by quite lame things!

And yes hideous re the tits stuff, yuk

At no point in any time was it ever acceptable!! Can’t believe people are saying it was!!

I absolutely think it's unacceptable now but it's an odd contention that it never was. The age of consent was 12 until the late 1800s when it was upped to 13. Remember all those child brides being betrothed in your history classes? Again, this is wrong from our vantage point but 'at no point in any time' is just incorrect.

When I was 16, in the mid-80s, I got rejected by the 24 year old that I was so in love with. It hurt. Looking back I think he was an absolute gentleman.

They said that there was a grey line at that age, and as after talking to me, I seemed mature, they could not do anything unless I myself wanted to press charges. Obviously I thought I was in love so was adamant I didn't want to do that.