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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I was 15 he was 23

273 replies

Blissbiz · 19/06/2021 08:13

I was 15 he was 23 and was my "boyfriend" for about 3 or 4 months although thinking back he was obviously sleeping with other people.
He is famous now, really famous and in the media alot.He didn't force me, actually I was flattered but now I can't stop thinking about it. My daughter is now 15 and I can't imagine her with someone this age or why he would want to be with her!
Do I need to just forget about it and move on, he doesn't come across as creepy or sleazy, quite the opposite in interviews but I'm struggling to see him without feeling angry.

OP posts:
Hm2020 · 20/06/2021 15:22

I was 16 he was 38 5 years together and a ds makes me wince aswell I wonder when my ds grows up and realises the age difference how I explain it Sad

DontDrinkDontSmokeWhatDoIDo · 20/06/2021 15:38

@Hm2020

I was 16 he was 38 5 years together and a ds makes me wince aswell I wonder when my ds grows up and realises the age difference how I explain it Sad
Oh wow, @Hm2020 . That sounds as thought it's still very recent.

Do you have anyone to talk to about your situation?

Hm2020 · 20/06/2021 16:32

No my ds is 7 his dad is recently deceased wAs just having this conversation last night with a group of friends. My ds hasn’t seen his dad since he was 4 months old

billy1966 · 20/06/2021 16:34

@Hm2020

I was 16 he was 38 5 years together and a ds makes me wince aswell I wonder when my ds grows up and realises the age difference how I explain it Sad
OP, When the time comes you will have an answer. The question is where were the responsible adults in your life to allow this to occur.

You poor woman.

Flowers
neroforte · 20/06/2021 16:45

Not quite as bad but one of my friends dated a 19 year old when she was 14, only broke up a few months ago.

ExtraOnions · 20/06/2021 17:26

I was 16, he was 22 … ended up moving into my mum and dads house with me. We were together for 4 years.

He was an abusive rapist, who forced me into sex when I didn’t want it. It was my first sexual relationship, and I didn’t know any better.

HangingOver · 20/06/2021 18:00

Has anyone else watched the second seen of Feel Good btw? I adore the whole thing anyway but I especially love Mae's portrayal of how incredibly emotionally complex this particular dynamic is.

I have no idea how I feel about him now. Love and hate both at once.

HangingOver · 20/06/2021 18:01

A big hug to everyone else on this thread, by the way.

Original poster
Blissbiz · 20/06/2021 20:27

Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who shared their own experiences and opinions it really has helped me Flowers

OP posts:
twittertwotter · 20/06/2021 20:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 20/06/2021 20:59

In the 80s girls really didn't want to go out with boys the same age. But you usually went for someone a couple of years older, not in their late 20s.

But I did meet someone at uni when I was 19 and he was 26. I did snog him (and very nice it was too) but someone else (an older student) warned him off saying I was too young for him. I think it's slightly different when everyone is a student though, the age thing goes away a bit, he wasn't a lecturer.

My DH is 9 years older though and I met him when I was 23! However if I had met him when I was 15 it would not have been good, even in the 80s.

looptheloopinahulahoop · 20/06/2021 21:01

She wasn't 16 when she was dating Charles

I think she was 20 when she married him. Was he about 31? It really wasn't great.

Starisnotanumber · 20/06/2021 21:20

Prince Charles was born in 1948. According to Wikipedia and the Crown which I know are not reliable sources Diana Spencer was known to Prince Charles at the age of 16 as he was dating her sister Sarah.
Diana Spencer was born in 1961 so quite an age difference.
The Queen as head of the church of England obviously approved the marriage

Royalbloo · 20/06/2021 21:22

If you were 15 then that's rape and child abuse. Report it.

me4real · 20/06/2021 21:33

There was also another guy who I met on holiday. He was 21 and his 'girlfriend' was 15. He also flirted with me. I was 15 too. It's definitely perverted although of course I didn't realize it at the time, I was really proud that an older guy was interested in me. That's how grooming work or what groomers exploit. If the child is really into the adult it still doesn't make it ok.

If I was his mum I would've said/done something about this 'girlfriend' (child he was raping.)

The age of consent should be a strong red line.

I worry about his children now TBH.

bettyfloormop · 20/06/2021 21:35

A girl at my secondary school was only there for a couple of terms before she got pregnant.

She was 12..the man was in his mid 20's Sad

motogogo · 20/06/2021 21:35

School friend of mine had a 32 year old boyfriend at 15, moved in with him straight after GCSEs and had a baby 3 months later (was wearing baggy T-shirt's instead of uniform to take exams of course!) married at 17 divorced at 19. Don't recommend it

me4real · 20/06/2021 21:37

Diana Spencer was known to Prince Charles at the age of 16

@Starisnotanumber Maybe, he wasn't dating her then or when she was underage though.

I suppose some 19-year-olds are different. It's always been made a thing of that Diana was innocent, didn't know what she was letting herself in for etc.

But stiill, she was an adult.

userxx · 20/06/2021 21:39

@motogogo

School friend of mine had a 32 year old boyfriend at 15, moved in with him straight after GCSEs and had a baby 3 months later (was wearing baggy T-shirt's instead of uniform to take exams of course!) married at 17 divorced at 19. Don't recommend it

Yeah, that's a bit nasty.

Whoscoatsthatjacket · 20/06/2021 23:02

When I was 15 I was seeing a 21 year old. We were together for about 5 and half years. He was young for his age and I was a bit older than my age I guess. We had a lot in common. By the time I was 20 we finished as I’d kind of outgrown him. We’re still in touch and I never think of it as creepy.

After we finished, I started seeing a guy in his forties. Again we’re still friendly.. it was very respectful snd the best sex I’ve ever had. I’ve had a few relationships with older guys over the years.

I don’t think it’s necessarily creepy, it depends on the two individuals x

Louise1051 · 20/06/2021 23:13

Do what you feel is right - if you feel in your heart you were groomed or taken advantage of then pursue allegations.

I know lots will say it’s against the law and it is if you look at things from a purely black and white viewpoint. If I were in your shoes and I felt I entered willingly into the relationship and wasn’t put under any pressure to do anything I didn’t want to do then I wouldn’t pursue any criminal charges. That’s just my personal opinion. Xx

gingganggooleywotsit · 21/06/2021 12:20

In my 40s now, when I was 14 I was with a 21 year old for several years. He groomed my family too as they all thought he was great. He used to force me to have sex and was very controlling. I wasted ten years with him and was scared to leave. He was pathetic.

Skysblue · 21/06/2021 12:31

That must be upsetting seeing him in press.

Suggest you have a session with a counsellor to see if they can suggest some strategies for healing.

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