I was 15 he was 23

[Blissbiz]

I was 15 he was 23 and was my "boyfriend" for about 3 or 4 months although thinking back he was obviously sleeping with other people.
He is famous now, really famous and in the media alot.He didn't force me, actually I was flattered but now I can't stop thinking about it. My daughter is now 15 and I can't imagine her with someone this age or why he would want to be with her!
Do I need to just forget about it and move on, he doesn't come across as creepy or sleazy, quite the opposite in interviews but I'm struggling to see him without feeling angry.

I'v always wondered about the long term impacts of this. I was fairly dull and studious at school but had friends who did these kinds of things which made me feel a bit square and envious.

For example in the late 80s at age 13-14 (so 3rd year) my friend starting going out with an 18 year old in the upper sixth. He was a nice boy and apparently normal but I did think it was a bit odd that he couldnt find anyone his own age or slightly younger. We felt jealous; she was hanging around the pubs/clubs etc in our town whereas my friends and I wouldnt be let in due to looking our actual age. She then went to see him and stay with him at his university, 80+ miles away, which all seemed very glamorous to us. Not sure what her parents thought; and it must have been very weird for his friends at university to see him hanging out with a 14 year old.

At age 16 (started just before GCSE and lasted 6 months) she had a relationship with a 26 year old policeman which did feel really weird and wrong; it was weird because by that stage we were going to the pubs but he and my friend wouldnt because of the danger of him being found with an under 18 buying drinks in a pub.

The relationship only lasted a few months partly because my friend was frustrated at missing out on pub/club visits etc. I think he ended it after being spoken to by his superiors but thinking about it now how did he ever think it was acceptable? As far as I knew he had joined the police age 18 and then moved to our town so wasnt still living with his parents type.

Having daughters myself now of a similar age I was thinking about her the other day - I'm not sure what I would do if my 14 year old started a relationship with a university student for example or other greater age gap.

[quote Benjispruce3]@youaresunshine that’s not what meant at all.[/quote]
Oh well, that's OK then

I met my sons dad when I was 14 and he was 22, had his baby at 16 and left him aged 19.

newtb
Your story is horrific, Churches had and still have, so much that they are guilty of. I'm really sorry that you haven't got justice. I would have probably killed the bastard.

@Jonnyhatesjazz

It seems from this thread that the 80s/90s were a sweet spot for some men where they knew exactly what they were doing but girls didn't.

The 70s even more so (I was born 1960). Things noticeably started to change for the better in the 1980s for young people, especially young women, who seemed to grow in confidence. Children were gradually given a voice and heard. It was long in coming. We still need more!

@youaresunshine backatcha. You obvs want a fight. I’ve said it’s not what I meant but you’re not interested.

I just wanted to say, I was told that when my wife was in school, her and her friends, would humiliate girls that were virgins. They would ask girls to describe sex acts, if they couldn't , they were ridiculed. We are in our late 50's now. I met her when she was 25 and I was 27. I was never bothered about her past, although when she was 15 her boyfriend was 23. He would show polaroids and go into graphic detail about their sex life . I was told about her school days in 2016, up until then I never spent any time thinking about her past. So all these years later she seems different to me . just different. not better or worse just different. She is very angry with me , because I said she was a bully. Guys always looked down on 23 year olds with 15 year olds always. and still do

One day, I will tell my own story. Perhaps under a different name. It's made me feel dirty and guilty for many years. Perhaps to unburden myself, even to strangers on MN, is better than feeling that way.

I was stupid, I know. But he was charming and I was flattered.

Playedout, she was a bully, I have never done anything like that in my life

I was stupid, I know. But he was charming and I was flattered
I think it's more likely that you were naïve (as we all are when young) and he took advantage of that, of course you were flattered but he was in control and knew exactly what he was doing, and exactly what he could get away with.

For me in the mid 80's it was the other way around. I was 18, he was 15, my first boyfriend. No one said a word, though we didn't sleep together until I was 22.

I'd forget it tbh. An awful lot of girls i knew had 21 year old boyfriends by age 15. None of them seem scarred , but I recall none of them lasted long , they were soon with boyfriends their age & the 21 yr olds were v v immature tbh. What I found really disturbing was my 33 yr old landlord sleeping with a 16 year old he worked with on the night of her 16th birthday. She'd been working there p/t since age 15.

Noncing was pretty common back in the 80s. 20+ year old blokes picking up their teenage girlfriends at the school gates in cars that they owned and drove and taking them to the pub. It was a different time and I dont know anyone on heres individual stories, but there was some pride in it and the belief that boys our own age were stupid (they were) and immature. Bagging someone who worked and took you out was a source of pride. Reading that back is strange now, but that is how it was then. I've got no regrets and look back on the time fondly, but nothing bad happened for me so can only speak to my own experience.

How old are you now?

He wasn't after her when she was 15 though, was he?

Um she was 16? And he was 29?

Move on OP.

I was with a 27 yr old at 15.
Life was different.

I left school and home at 16. Worked full time since way before I was supposed to have left school. Rented my own home and paid bills in my own name.
Literally got on with adult life.

Now I'm 20 years older with a 14 yr old daughter.... and my god that has had a major effect on me. Got worse the older she has got.

He used to come for his tea at my parents... They thought he was a nice guy.
WTFFFF that's the worst bit to get my head around.

No way could I bring this up to them.
Tho I hold a lot of resentment that no one protected me. And they bloody well should have.

It has had a serious effect on my mental health over my life.
No point at all going to police as to take it all up again and again knowing they will do fuck all most likely. And even if they do knowing a lot of people hold views about how that shit is fine.

Not me but a friend, she was told by an "uncle" that she was his girlfriend. She was 14 and he was definitely sexually assaulting her, if not raping her. I still feel as guilty as he.ll that I didn't convince her to tell a responsible adult.

When I was 18 my boyfriend was 20 but when I was 21 I had a relationship with someone in his 50s, amazing sex and it was as much from my side as his. DH is 9 years older than me but Its only become noticeable since he retired.

@bullyingadvice2017

I'm so, so sorry that happened to you.
You were badly let down.

You sound amazingly protective of your own daughter xxxx

@bullyingadvice2017

I was with a 27 yr old at 15. Life was different.

I left school and home at 16. Worked full time since way before I was supposed to have left school. Rented my own home and paid bills in my own name.
Literally got on with adult life.

Now I'm 20 years older with a 14 yr old daughter.... and my god that has had a major effect on me. Got worse the older she has got.

He used to come for his tea at my parents... They thought he was a nice guy.
WTFFFF that's the worst bit to get my head around.

No way could I bring this up to them.
Tho I hold a lot of resentment that no one protected me. And they bloody well should have.

It has had a serious effect on my mental health over my life.
No point at all going to police as to take it all up again and again knowing they will do fuck all most likely. And even if they do knowing a lot of people hold views about how that shit is fine.

I am so sorry that your parents were SO poor to have allowed this happen.

This is a massive failure on your parents behalf.

Loads of posters happy, proud and ebullient about their experience.

The truth is that whatever their acceptance of their memories....yours is the one that is the reality of parents stupidity and neglect.

I certainly wouldn't hold my parents up for any parenting awards...I really wouldn't but jesus christ....allowing some guy 5-10 years older "date" your daughter??? WTF?

Honestly, unbelievable to me.

Completely neglectful, stupid, obtuse, dim parents.

Me and my friends definitely pulled the wool over our parents eyes when we were in our teens a few times but boyfriends 5-10 years oldet than us?

Nope, our parents definitely weren't that stupid nor negligent.

Same ages for me and my first boyfriend and then second. The second, we were together five years, I left home at 16 to live with him. Can't say I think of it that he was breaking the law or being untoward, even though he was really. My first boyfriend married someone I went to school with in my year, we were friends. She once contacted me via Facebook to say hi to an old acquaintance. She then suddenly unfriended me and there was radio silence. I'm fairly certain it was because she found out her husband took my virginity when I was just 15 and he was 23. It was far more acceptable back then than it is now and rightly so it is not acceptable now.

Regardless of the social mores. A 15 Yr old is UNABLE to CONSENT LEGALLY. At the very least it's US I...

Nope, our parents definitely weren't that stupid nor negligent

Rude.

Or it could've been because our parents were a different generation to yours? Thinking about it, my parents were wartime generation, where a lot of sex sent on between 14/15 year olds and servicemen in their early twenties. My DM married at 17 to a 23 year old.

The fifties were supposedly more restrained, but then you had the swinging sixties, and my older brothers and SIL's certainly had a good time then as well....... We do seem to be becoming more conservative.

Well one thing is for sure, the glorified hero worship we see in the music industry making it totally acceptable and normal for young teenage girls to get worked up and go crazy for young men in their 20s has been there and shoved down our throats for generations.

Does that blur the lines when it comes to what young girls desire in a relationship with regards to age?

If your 15 year old daughter develops a massive obsession for a 21 year old K Pop singer do you make a fuss and tell her it’s wrong to desire someone of that age?

@MolyHolyGuacamole

He wasn't after her when she was 15 though, was he?

Um she was 16? And he was 29?

Are you talking about Princess Diana?

She wasn't 16 when she was dating Charles.