husband got back at half 5 this morning

[bubblegum02]

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

What a knob. Chuck a pint of cold water on him at 10, hand him the 1 year old and get ready

Exactly this ^^

I was going to say you were being a bit premature and let him sleep a bit but then I read the history and see that this has been a pattern for a while. Not cool.

If it was just today ok, but you have DC now, and he needs to change his behaviour simple as that. Don't know what the answer is but just wanted to send you op. Are you close to your in laws? Could his dad have a chat with him?

The early years are tough and you need to feel as though you are pulling together as a team. It's really demoralising and almost easier to do it on your own otherwise.

It’s all very well and good saying wake him up at 10 and still go out but I wouldn’t be leaving my 1 year old with someone who is going to be irritable and likely to fall asleep at any moment either!

A one of is annoying but he’s taking the piss, I’d be getting the hoover out, turning loud music on and then throwing a bucket of water over his selfish head!

I think you’re making an issue of this way too early, you said the 1 year old slept through so I’m assuming you’ve had a good nights sleep.
Keep your toddler downstairs and let him sleep, wake him up at 10ish give him some paracetamol and crack on with your plans.
Failing that ask your mum which you’ve mentioned already. If you can get her to have your child it’s a non issue.

Ok well you don’t need to leave the house for 3 hours. Let him sleep for another 2 and a half, then try waking him. Last resort, Chuck water over him and then remind him you’re going out and off you go.

I'd be waking him up now and demanding to know where he'd been.

I just cant stand this kind of nonsense. I'm only 31 but think I'm old for my time! What the fuck is the point if drinking for an entire night and coming home at 5.30 when you're totally.miserable with hangover? It's even worse when you have children and here, its unbelievable because he knows he is responsible for the child today. I just cant.

I'd be rolling him out of bed and onto the floor at half 10, handing him the child and going to get ready. And he'd be getting hell from me for the rest of the weekend. Next time he says he is going out, I would just grab my stuff and leave him with the kid and then I'd come home at half 5.

He's done this 3 weekends in a row? Your turn. Just hand him the kid ever Friday night and go out. Stay with your friends or mum or something and come back Saturday morning, then go lie in bed.

Or just kick him out. He wants to behave like a single man, so of he can go.

@NormanStangerson

You need to be angrier than you are. ‘Irritated’ isn’t enough. He’s a selfish, immature twat. Why on Earth does he think he gets to carry on like this every weekend now he’s a father with a pregnant wife? No.

Well maybe, but at the moment the irritation is for a supposed situation. He hasn't not yet looked after his own child and the OP hasn't missed her lunch.

The anger can be reserved for when that situation actually occurs.

Mind you OP, I would suggest, rather than your mother, contacting a person who he'd be embarrassed about knowing he was such a loser to have put you in this situation.

You don’t get a free pass as a parent. He needs to get up now, have a shower and get himself organised for looking after his DC.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

I think you’re making an issue of this way too early, you said the 1 year old slept through so I’m assuming you’ve had a good nights sleep. Keep your toddler downstairs and let him sleep, wake him up at 10ish give him some paracetamol and crack on with your plans. Failing that ask your mum which you’ve mentioned already. If you can get her to have your child it’s a non issue.

lol the one year old doesnt sleep through but it is not unusual for him to sleep in the spare room due to his snoring and especially if he has been out he sleeps in there so not to wake me.

okay I suppose it's okay for my day to be ruined though to accommodate?
Your day isnt ruined though. Theres still time for him to get up and you go out.

he is a fully grown man, why should I be trying to quiten the 1 year old because of the choices he made?
To be kind? Sometimes when the kids were that age I would let my hair down and have late nights like this and Dh would keep the kids quiet si I could sleep and later being me coffee. I would also do it for him as well. It worked both ways and meant tbe relationship was balanced and we were both treated as adults rather than being only parents always in duty.

why is it always on the women on here to pick up the slack?* maybe women on here as you say but I don't agree that is a rule of thumb that women always pick up the slack. There are many , many relationships where things are balance. Its only because things have become one sided it gets discussed on here.

Your pregnant with a 1 year old, I think given he’s had 3 weekends of fun and your likely exhausted and needing a well deserved nice time he should have made sure to be home at a reasonable time regardless of the Scotland game being a rarity.
Extremely selfish of him.

I guess there must be a background of him letting you down when you have plans OP?

I wouldn't be bothered (no idea what time my DH got in last night and he's still in bed too) but I know 100% that he'll be up by 9.30am ish and will look after the kids when I go for lunch at midday. I don't massively care if they have a lazy day in PJs with a hungover DH because he's an engaged and energetic dad most of the time.

@Willwebebuyingnumber11

Seriously? You think it's a non issue if the OP can arrange another woman to do his job for him? All so he could get shitfaced for the 3rd weekend in a row, when he knew fine well that he was responsible for his child today. But her, it's ok, because she can drag another woman into the situation to sort out the baby so the poor man can get drunk and do whatever the hell he likes, nevermind being a father.

@Posieandpip

Unless this happens regularly I wouldn't be bothered at all and unlike all of MN I actually think it's fine for adults to have a proper night out every once in a blue moon!

So OP's plans should just be cast aside? If he wants to have a huge night out that will leave him incapacitated the next day he could at least let OP know in advance.

I’d go. Ceebeebies session for the toddler while he nurses a hangover is good enough parenting for you to be out. Otherwise I don’t suppose his parents are near enough to babysit? And tell them it’s because he’s let you down by going out all night when he knew you had a lunch date with friends.

Then when he is sober, ask where he really was, who he was with, and whether he thinks it’s fair to leave you in this position week after week

@notacooldad

okay I suppose it's okay for my day to be ruined though to accommodate? Your day isnt ruined though. Theres still time for him to get up and you go out.

he is a fully grown man, why should I be trying to quiten the 1 year old because of the choices he made?
To be kind? Sometimes when the kids were that age I would let my hair down and have late nights like this and Dh would keep the kids quiet si I could sleep and later being me coffee. I would also do it for him as well. It worked both ways and meant tbe relationship was balanced and we were both treated as adults rather than being only parents always in duty.

why is it always on the women on here to pick up the slack?* maybe women on here as you say but I don't agree that is a rule of thumb that women always pick up the slack. There are many , many relationships where things are balance. Its only because things have become one sided it gets discussed on here.

please dont be so ridiculous

he has been out nearly every weekend the last month, I pick up all the slack and it was one thing I asked for.

please also note if I hadnt heard him stumble in at half 5 then I would have had no idea he wasnt hole by 11/half 11 after a "couple" like he originally said.

be kind - got to work both ways though?

home*

What was he doing till 5:30 am? tbh I'd want staying out all night to have stopped long before I had kids with someone - actually I'd want them over it before we even lived together. That's for young, free and single people IMO.

Honestly OP, it probably was deliberate.

He doesn't do much parenting and is quite happy to ruin a rare outing for you.

Not PC perhaps but I certainly wouldn't be having a second baby with him and would rethink this pregnancy.

He has zero interest in pulling his weight with one, you surely don't think he is going to improve with a 17 month old and a new baby.

That is going to be very hard on you.

I think you should think very hard about the future you want.

He sounds selfish and utterly disinterested in family life.

What does him being in "vile" form look like?

Not good.

He's a waster.
Protect yourself.

I’ve looked after a 1 year old while I had norovirus. Pretty unpleasant but certainly possible so I wouldn’t say you can’t leave him with a hangover. He sounds like a twat though

@bubblegum02

he is going to be in an absolute vile mood. he cant cope with hangovers.

Well that’s his problem, isn’t it? Wake him up at 10.3-, leave at 11.

It's only 8.19! Why are posters egging OP on into a panic? Unless there's a massive back story (and no chance of OP having a lie in tomorrow) I think it'd be really unkind to wake him up now just for the sake of it.

YANBU at all but there's no point getting yourself even more pissed off just now. I'd leave him until about 9:45/10 and then get him up so that you can get ready and go and have a lovely time. His behavior isn't great at all but perhaps that's for another day, it's one of those where you're still in control of choosing whether your day is ruined or not, choose not!

I’m completely with you, OP. This is totally selfish behaviour. To all those saying “it’s only 8am, don’t be a martyr” etc, the fact is, his choices have definitely impacted her day. I’m sure she doesn’t want to leave her toddler with a man who’ll be pretty much good for nothing. It just makes you worry and question why they don’t give any shits about your plans.

I feel for you, OP.