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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

husband got back at half 5 this morning

941 replies

bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:39

hello,

based on some of the threads on here, I'm assuming I'm going to get a lot of kill joy comments and the fact it's the euros too but I am annoyed.

my partner said he was going for a "couple" last night. I am 4 months pregnant and we have a one year old. I went to bed at about 10 and heard him come in. when I looked at the time, expecting it to be about half 11 as the pubs round here are still shutting earlier than usual it was half 5!

what has pissed me off about this is, one year old has woken up at 7, we went down about half 7 and of course, he is totally dead to the world. he has slept in our spare room downstairs which is something I suppose.

he was meant to be looking after the one year old for me whilst I go out for lunch today but he isnt responding to me at all. or the one year old.

he was out all day for the game last sunday too, was out pretty much the whole of the bank holiday and last Saturday too.

I'm getting fed up now, I'm not going to be able to leave the one year old with him, it is like he is unconscious and I'm meant to be going at 11.

not cool - pre kids, it wouldnt of been an issue but think he needs to grow up a bit. not against having a bit of fun but rocking in at that time when you are supposed to be looking after your child the next day is taking the piss.

has ruined my day too now and he will inevitably be feeling very sorry for himself.

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 19/06/2021 07:51

He’s not ruined your day, or your plans, you don’t need to go out for over three hours yet. I know you’re annoyed but try not to focus too much on him and his daft behaviour or that will actually ruin your day by putting you in a shit mood.

ContadoraExplorer · 19/06/2021 07:51

I would let him sleep until 10 and then wake him up, tell him you're leaving in an hour and suggest he has a shower now before you go. He is an adult, he knows he had responsibilities today, tough luck if he feels rank!

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 19/06/2021 07:52

At eight am I wouldn't be worrying. Give him a couple of hours and around ten, tell him that you're going out at (what, twelve thirty, one?) as planned and he'll need to be in a place where he can look after your child by that time.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:52

@TooTiredForToday

Why are you trying to get him up now if you're not leaving until 11? Confused
I'm not, I said hello when I came downstairs and turned off his alarm that has been going off since 7.

the one year old ran in and said dada. it isnt my problem that he decided to stay out until half 5 lol, he is a fully grown man, why should I be trying to quiten the 1 year old because of the choices he made? why is it always on the women on here to pick up the slack?

OP posts:
BeBloodyBold · 19/06/2021 07:52

YNBU but don't martyr yourself, wake him at 10:00 with strong coffee and food. It's perfectly possibly to look after a small child on too little sleep and not feeling great (whether self-inflicted or a stomach bug). I'm sure he won't enjoy it, but that's his problem not yours.

Alannawhorideslikeaman · 19/06/2021 07:52

@bubblegum02

he is going to be in an absolute vile mood. he cant cope with hangovers.
Not your problem!
Clickbait · 19/06/2021 07:52

Leave him for a couple of hours OP. Then wake him up and go out to lunch as planned.

Sciurus83 · 19/06/2021 07:52

This really isn't on he is taking the mick. You've had no down time to yourself for a month now, you've been more than accommodating of him going out and having fun for weeks on end and you deserve some gratitude and recognition of that from him by not ruining your plans. Still go to your lunch, wake him up at 10.30 and let him suffer

NeedNewKnees · 19/06/2021 07:52

@bubblegum02

he is going to be in an absolute vile mood. he cant cope with hangovers.
That’s a bummer for him.

10 am, wet flannel and a coffee. Have a brilliant time out, who cares how Mr Grumpyknickers feels about it. He doesn’t get to destroy your day out with his self-indulgence.

MaMaD1990 · 19/06/2021 07:52

@bubblegum02

he is going to be in an absolute vile mood. he cant cope with hangovers.
Diddums. He knew he was looking after HIS child today so should've made an adult decision to come home earlier or not get so drunk. Go and enjoy your lunch and let him learn the hard way. What a dick.
cocoloco987 · 19/06/2021 07:53

Well it's not even 8am so I'd not write your day off yet

PurpleyBlue · 19/06/2021 07:53

@Posieandpip

Unless this happens regularly I wouldn't be bothered at all and unlike all of MN I actually think it's fine for adults to have a proper night out every once in a blue moon!
Not if it ruins OP's day the next day it isn't.

OP try banging saucepans. If that doesn't work are you sure he is OK?

timeisnotaline · 19/06/2021 07:54

Wake him and go. Stay out after so you can avoid his shitty mood. You can talk when you get home. He has been out for most of every weekend it sounds like for nearly a month, and you had one thing booked. One thing.

Original poster
bubblegum02 · 19/06/2021 07:54

@Sciurus83

This really isn't on he is taking the mick. You've had no down time to yourself for a month now, you've been more than accommodating of him going out and having fun for weeks on end and you deserve some gratitude and recognition of that from him by not ruining your plans. Still go to your lunch, wake him up at 10.30 and let him suffer
I actually think this is what's pissed me off too. after sunday he was very, I know I'm going out again friday but it's the Scotland game and it will only be for a couple down the local, I dont have much money to be going out. he also knew he was meant to be looking after our child today and I'm just irritated.
OP posts:
Orchidflower1 · 19/06/2021 07:55

If he’s going to be a vomity, grouchy mess at 11am then I wouldn’t leave a toddler with him. You need eyes in the back of your head at the best of times with ones that age.

I would however be making his day as noisy and uncomfortable as possible. I would then be having a very serious discussion with him.

mamamalt · 19/06/2021 07:56

I'm going against the grain a little and going to say it's not that bad, you've been up for 45 minutes and already written off your day?! He's got ages for a lie in and then get up in time for you to get ready and go. One year old will surely nap at some point too. It's not ideal, but far from a disaster.
All that aside if you have an issue with how often he's going out/late he's staying out then that's personal to your relationship and something you definitely need to discuss before it gets worse! Have a lovely lunch

Morgan12 · 19/06/2021 07:56

I'd let him sleep till 10ish and still go out.

DinosaurDiana · 19/06/2021 07:56

If my DH didn’t come home until that time I’d assume he’d been in someone’s bed.
Where does he say he’s been ?
He is a selfish twat.

ContinuousMonotoneBeep · 19/06/2021 07:57

It's too early to start thinking your lunch is a write off.

You're not unreasonable at all.

As for if anyone accuses you of being unreasonable and of being a kill joy. I'd say you're less annoyed that he's stayed out till 5.30 night and more iritated at the uneven leisure time and the prospect that his (yet again socialising) might impact on yours.

But as I said postpone your irritation for a few hours. Truly no point trying to get up someone drunk so soon after they fell asleep.

cocoloco987 · 19/06/2021 07:57

the one year old ran in and said dada. it isnt my problem that he decided to stay out until half 5 lol, he is a fully grown man, why should I be trying to quiten the 1 year old because of the choices he made? why is it always on the women on here to pick up the slack?

You don't need to quieten the 1 year old - he's sleeping through it anyway. Going to bed at 5.30 this is a normal time to be in a deep sleep especially after 1 too many but as is normal after a few that deep sleep won't last and he'll probably be awake before you go anyway. If not Wake him up at 10.30. So what if he's grumpy that's his problem. Just get ready in the mean time.

GonnaBeYoniThisChristmas · 19/06/2021 07:58

As PPs have said, please don’t martyr your self for this. Wake him at 1000, get ready and go. And don’t rush back.

And then tomorrow speak to him separately about how he can’t take this much leisure time at weekends if it leaves you picking up the slack.

LividBlabber · 19/06/2021 07:59

Would all those “just leave the baby with him and go” people REALLY leave a toddler with a possibly still drunk, maybe still catatonic man? REALLY?

As if. It’s not that simple, which is why “men” like this always end up ruining lives for women.

Allmyarseandpeggymartin · 19/06/2021 07:59

Where the fuck was he until 5:30? He’s taking the piss

LobotomisedIceSkatingFan · 19/06/2021 08:00

@DinosaurDiana

If my DH didn’t come home until that time I’d assume he’d been in someone’s bed. Where does he say he’s been ? He is a selfish twat.
I mean - he's probably not shagging around, but I'd definitely ask where he's been until half five? Did the local have a lock-in?
StealthPolarBear · 19/06/2021 08:00

I think you're right op. I wouldn't leave my one year old with a still drunk/hungover man in a vile mood

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