Do you “judge” people based on how they look?

[Enid9]

I don’t know why I’m like this but I feel like I’m always analysing people on how they look.

If I see someone I don’t know, I look at them and wonder what their life is like, they’re slim, well dressed, nice hair.
I imagine they have a good job, own their own home and have a lots of friends with a nice social life.

If I see someone plain, overweight, not very stylish, I think the opposite of them.

I see groups of girls together who all look the same and couldn’t imagine them socialising with someone who looked different to them (as in the plain overweight person)

I have a weird belief that you need to look a certain way to be happy, accepted or fit in with society.

I have absolutely no idea where this has come
from.

I find myself stalking people on Facebook.
So if one of my friends meets another friend, I will
look at their pictures to see what they look like and how pretty / slim they are.

I met up with one of my friends a few weeks ago, she’s so slim and pretty and I felt good about being with her, but I felt bad about her being with me.

I wondered how many people would question why a good looking slim girl would want to hang out with an overweight ugly girl (me)

How can I over come this obsession with looks / weight? Where could it have come from?

I should add that I am a nice person. ☺️

Everyone judges everyone all the time. What they’re looking at and what they extrapolate from it will differ but we’re designed to constantly make assessments, we teach our children to do the same partly as a way to keep them safe. Anyone who claims not to make judgements is lying.

Your self esteem seems to be very poor so work on loving and accepting yourself and you may be less unkind to others. Stalking randoms on Facebook is surely time you could spend more productively!

you need a hobby. or a better job.

I try not to judge based on looks, but it’s human nature to look at a person’s appearance. Studies have shown beautiful people are often believed to be kind, caring, clever, sociable: even if they’re not.

I notice hair; is it clean, styled, natural colours.

Clothes I just judge on the appropriateness and if they’re flattering eg a fur coat in summer looks odd. Clashing colours, outfits that don’t match accessories, vivid clashing patterns or stripes put me off. Clashing or mixed prints and colours suggest the person didn’t plan their outfit eg zebra pattern dress with yellow shoes, blue bag, pink hair band, polka dot cardigan, orange watch strap. To me it sort of suggests they don’t take much care of themselves.

I don’t notice weight unless someone is very obese or underweight.

Yes, I find that I do tend to make judgement s based on outward appearances. Often those initial assessments are proved utterly wrong once I get to know the person concerned.
I think it's human nature to make initial, knee-jerk assessment of people that we meet. It probably goes back to our earliest evolutionary history, when it was vital to assess whether someone represented danger or not.

@CatsArePeople

you need a hobby. or a better job.

@CatsArePeople

I have a fantastic job ☺️

Whether consciously or unconsciously, I do make a very quick judgement when I first see someone and yes it’s based on their appearance as at that point, I have nothing else to go on.

yes.
and they judge me.
it's normal.

I guess at least you are aware of it

I work with the unemployed. I keep an eye on them. If they dress inappropriately then its my job to tell them. Oterwise I notice appearance but dont judge if that makes sense.

Everyone judges people by appearance, whether that be clothes or their physical attributes. It’s human nature, and the only thing you can do is to consciously challenge your own assumptions about people based on their looks.

I am plain, overweight and going grey.

I am also very successful with my business and retired early with my gorgeous husband of many years, so we potter along very happily.

I'd be sad you'd judge me harshly. I'm unique and every person deserves respect, regardless of looks, etc. I'd be getting some help with my self-esteem, not looking at others.

I'm sitting in the car waiting for my DS3 to pick up DS5 & DD.
I'm wearing pj bottoms, my long faded pink nightie, no underwear, blue crocs, DS2's huge red Adidas hoodie (he's 6' 7", I'm 5' 4"), and DH's jacket that has a broken zip but it's thin and warm. and a wide, orange headband. I wear no make up.

my style could be described as "comfy, warm and doesn't give a flying monkey's left bollock about what people think" and it shows🤣

I'd be sad you'd judge me harshly. I'm unique and every person deserves respect, regardless of looks, etc.

@Wombats12 I’m sad I’d judge you too.
I don’t know why I’m like this but I don’t want to be.
I’m not slim / pretty so I judge myself a lot and maybe I’m protecting. I’m not sure.

projecting*

I think you need to work on your self esteem OP and try to stop thinking people are better than you based on how they look. You may not think it but there will be people who envy things about you and how you look. We all do it. Just enjoy who you are and embrace it.

Yes we all do it and anyone who says they don't is lying or deluded.

I rarely think someone is ugly (very few people are) but I will notice if someone is wearing something really horrible (lets face it though, that's a matter of taste and my taste doesn't matter) or if they are grossly overweight. And I judge men for taking their shirts off as soon as the sun comes out, I don't need to see their hairy beer bellies. Yuck. But I don't make assumptions about wealth - well actually I probably do as I always assume that the blonde yummy mummy with her jeans tucked into knee-high boots is comfortably off.

I think grasping this self awareness and challenging your thinking would be a start.

Can’t relate to anything you wrote.

I actually felt really sad that this is how you think.

Do you also judge men, or is it only women?

@YouShouldLeave

Can’t relate to anything you wrote.

I actually felt really sad that this is how you think.

Do you also judge men, or is it only women?

@YouShouldLeave

Women. 😔

I don’t do it because I think I’m better than them, or anything like that. Because I absolutely know I’m not.

I don’t know why I do it.

Also to ask: Do you place peoples (womens) worth on these superficial things?

@YouShouldLeave

Also to ask: Do you place peoples (womens) worth on these superficial things?

@YouShouldLeave

Yes, I think I do.
I know I do my own.

@Enid9

*I'd be sad you'd judge me harshly. I'm unique and every person deserves respect, regardless of looks, etc.*

@Wombats12 I’m sad I’d judge you too.
I don’t know why I’m like this but I don’t want to be.
I’m not slim / pretty so I judge myself a lot and maybe I’m protecting. I’m not sure.

How did your mother talk about women?

My own mother speaks still very harshly about women.
so growing up i internalize a lot of her false beliefs and had to work on to changing my mind set.

It can be done, although i wasn’t anywhere near as bad as you are.

The judgements you make of other people are just an insight into how you feel about yourself. You’re not a bad person you just obviously have incredibly low self esteem!

I’ve noticed myself judging people’s image since I’ve put on a bit of weight and comparing myself to strangers in the street. I absolutely never did this before I had my own body image issues. I noticed recently I only do it to other women which as a feminist I hate! So I’ve started trying to flip it round when I catch myself doing it. So if I see a woman out running with her pram, instead of thinking is she bigger or smaller than me, I think good for her getting out with the baby. If I see a couple in the street, instead of thinking ‘oh she’s bigger than me and she’s wearing that?’ I think ‘they look so happy together and you go girl wearing whatever the fuck you want!’ It’s making me feel a lot better about myself being kinder to strangers in my head!

@YouShouldLeave

How did your mother talk about women?

I never remember her speaking badly when I was a child.

Now as an adult I see that she’s quite judgmental,
but my mum isn’t what I’d class as someone with nice clothes / hair.
She’s very slim, and she does look nice when she makes an effort, but she doesn’t always make an effort.

I think this upsets me and affects how I feel. Not really sure why.