Do you “judge” people based on how they look?

[Enid9]

I don’t know why I’m like this but I feel like I’m always analysing people on how they look.

If I see someone I don’t know, I look at them and wonder what their life is like, they’re slim, well dressed, nice hair.
I imagine they have a good job, own their own home and have a lots of friends with a nice social life.

If I see someone plain, overweight, not very stylish, I think the opposite of them.

I see groups of girls together who all look the same and couldn’t imagine them socialising with someone who looked different to them (as in the plain overweight person)

I have a weird belief that you need to look a certain way to be happy, accepted or fit in with society.

I have absolutely no idea where this has come
from.

I find myself stalking people on Facebook.
So if one of my friends meets another friend, I will
look at their pictures to see what they look like and how pretty / slim they are.

I met up with one of my friends a few weeks ago, she’s so slim and pretty and I felt good about being with her, but I felt bad about her being with me.

I wondered how many people would question why a good looking slim girl would want to hang out with an overweight ugly girl (me)

How can I over come this obsession with looks / weight? Where could it have come from?

@Frankola

I work for a fashion retailer in the marketing and brand department. It's actually my job to judge which models we cast. I also have sign off on all imagery and if the model doesn't look right in the image for any reason I won't approve it.

It's genuinely my least favourite part of the job as it makes me feel so mean, but models are very used to it and don't take it personally. Well I really hope so!

Because of that I try never to judge any other time lol

That’s not true is it? Becayse you cast the model first. Cringing for you.

@Enid9

I should add that I am a nice person. ☺️

You're not you know. Yes we all judge from time to time but actually you go further and you aren't the sort of person I would want in my life based on what you've said here.

Most do it, but hopefully mainly in a transient way which changes after further exposure, if any.

I would be thinking she’s nicely dressed, probably has a good income, a good job. Probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like me (ie someone who didn’t look like her)

I don’t understand why you make it about you though? It’s not really about you judging other people, it’s about making odd links between yourself and others who you don’t know and have no relationship with.

@Rosesareyellow

I would be thinking she’s nicely dressed, probably has a good income, a good job. Probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like me (ie someone who didn’t look like her)

I don’t understand why you make it about you though? It’s not really about you judging other people, it’s about making odd links between yourself and others who you don’t know and have no relationship with.

@Rosesareyellow

I don’t understand it either.

I guess I just look at the person and compare them to me.

If they look like me (overweight, crap hair, not attractive) then I would think badly of them, like I do myself.

If they’re slim, pretty, great hair, I think highly of them.
They’re a better person, probably have a lot going for them. Not lazy etc.

@exybusiness

Okay I’m not a nice person. If that’s the impression I’ve given you then I totally own that.

I think it's natural to judge people to some extent, but it sounds as though you have become a little obsessed with doing it. I think you need to notice yourself doing it, and then focus on doing some inner work. Think about the how nice they might be, or what they could be going through. Purposefully make yourself focus on internals not externals.

No not really.
I will take a second glance at an alternatively dressed person to check out their style.
I do nosey in shopping baskets and gardens.

[quote Enid9]@exybusiness

Okay I’m not a nice person. If that’s the impression I’ve given you then I totally own that.[/quote]
Nice people don't do what you do.

Not sure what you would make of me, sometimes I dress smart casual otherwise I vere towards smart.I always wear makeup and my hair varies. But sadly I am not tall and thin.I never ever wear heels (I have arthritis) But your comments have made me wonder do people watch me and judge me. If so I don't like it .I use a walking aid, so do you think I am a benefit scrounger who looks ok so has to be fiddling the system.
You are not alone op I have been judged before. It's not nice.

@gwenneh

I don’t harm anyone. I don’t say these things to people.

I guess a lot of it is that I feel really unaccepted because of how I look.

Therefore I favour people who look nice because I want to be like them. I want them to like me.

@Cryalot2

Not sure what you would make of me, sometimes I dress smart casual otherwise I vere towards smart.I always wear makeup and my hair varies. But sadly I am not tall and thin.I never ever wear heels (I have arthritis) But your comments have made me wonder do people watch me and judge me. If so I don't like it .I use a walking aid, so do you think I am a benefit scrounger who looks ok so has to be fiddling the system. You are not alone op I have been judged before. It's not nice.

@Cryalot2

Walking aids and benefits wouldn’t even cross my mind!

I also have arthritis. (Psoriatic)

So OP you only want to be friends with attractive people ?

@Forumqueen

So OP you only want to be friends with attractive people ?

@Forumqueen

Maybe. But only because I am not attractive.
I guess it makes me feel validated if people who look better than me want to spend time with me?

[quote Enid9]@gwenneh

I don’t harm anyone. I don’t say these things to people.

I guess a lot of it is that I feel really unaccepted because of how I look.

Therefore I favour people who look nice because I want to be like them. I want them to like me.[/quote]
That you do it at all means you aren't a nice person. Doesn't matter what you subsequently do with your petty little judgements.

@Somuddled

You aren't a nice person. You are a horrible person. I am basing that on your behaviour and not your looks, by the way.

Do you think that comment makes you a nice person Somuddled? Op clearly isn't happy in herself and is silently judging people who look like her. How does telling her she's horrible actually help?

I'm a big, fat, goth. I like to look spooky, wear dreads in my hair and probably a bit too much make up, I am aware that I am probably being massively judged by more than a few people but I honestly could not give a rats arse. They can assume what they like. Doesn't make it true. I like me, I'm working to change what needs to be changed (my weight) but on the whole I'm happy with myself.

I don't judge people on their appearance, mostly because it would make me a MASSIVE hypocrite. Initial assessments maybe (gym gear may mean they like to work out, walking boots may mean they have a dog, if I see someone like me I think we might be able to have a nice discussion about just how good an album disintegration by The Cure is). The clothes on someone's back or the way they present themselves tells me nothing about who they are as a person. I prefer to know a bit more about that before I make any judgements on people.

I think it's natural to judge people to some extent, but it sounds as though you have become a little obsessed with doing it. I think you need to notice yourself doing it, and then focus on doing some inner work. Think about the how nice they might be, or what they could be going through. Purposefully make yourself focus on internals not externals.

Or just go about your day without going into a whole inner monologue about some stranger you’re walking past? I’m sorry but I think it’s strange. I don’t agree with those saying you’re not a nice person OP, but you sound a bit obsessive and I wouldn’t be comfortable knowing some random person standing behind me in a shopping queue is having all these thoughts about what I might or might not be like and if I’d be their friend.

Maybe because I’m a bit of daydreamer myself. I don’t even notice people I know when I walk past them (people shout and say hello, if they didn’t I’d be clueless) never mind think about the secret lives of strangers. I’m in a completely comfortable world of my own. You should try it OP, what you’re doing sounds stressful.

But you prove your own judgements wrong? You assume that fat/plain/unstylish people don’t own their own homes, have good jobs, or have friends, but you’re fat and have a good job?

You sound very hard on yourself and other people. I wonder if there are ways you could bring more compassion into your life? Volunteer, spend some time in nature, write a gratitude list, there’s lots of excellent short courses on places like coursera taught by experts in positive psychology.

I can't relate to how you think. I'm overweight and average looking, mid forties. I notice how other women look and often feel admiring, but it wouldn't affect friendships. I have lots of wonderful friends, some more attractive than others. I've always had great friendships.

Firstly not all skinny people are gorgeous looking. Not all fat people are ugly.
I think you're still stuck in teenage mode.

I would confuse you. I drop my kid off at private school, no make up, dressed for comfort, single parent, the boy is perfectly turned out though, and goes to all the other external activities the other kids do, david lloyd membership for sports. You would never guess I’m a part time worker in admin in the NHS. How do I do it? Why do I do it? You will never be able to guess what goes on and has happened in others lives if you just look at the outside of people only.

[quote Enid9]@AllieBallyBee

But if you were OP, you'd be thinking, ""she's expensively dress, probably has a lot of money. I bet she's a stuck up bitch".

No, I wouldn’t be thinking that, at all!!!

I would be thinking she’s nicely dressed, probably has a good income, a good job.
Probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like me (ie someone who didn’t look like her)

I wouldn’t think she was a stuck up bitch.
Not sure what you’ve assumed that.[/quote]
It was just an example to illustrate the sort of unhealthy jump you make in your mind when you go "she's fat.... therefore she's lazy"

"She's rich, therefore must be stuck-up" is a similar sort of unpleasant leap of judgement.

My point was really that Bluntness' level of judgement (nicely dressed = money) is normal. Yours (fat and not "well put together" = lazy) is not normal IMO.

Plain. Overweight due to steroids. Often a bit scruffy. Successful career, own house, car etc. Also autistic.

You keep saying your a nice person, but surely you see how your coming across on this thread I think unless you acknowledge your views so horrid, you are not going to change it and constantly judge people just on appearance. When I am at my happiest I always have more weight on me as I'm happy. When I'm stressed and miserable I barely eat.