Do you “judge” people based on how they look?

[Enid9]

I don’t know why I’m like this but I feel like I’m always analysing people on how they look.

If I see someone I don’t know, I look at them and wonder what their life is like, they’re slim, well dressed, nice hair.
I imagine they have a good job, own their own home and have a lots of friends with a nice social life.

If I see someone plain, overweight, not very stylish, I think the opposite of them.

I see groups of girls together who all look the same and couldn’t imagine them socialising with someone who looked different to them (as in the plain overweight person)

I have a weird belief that you need to look a certain way to be happy, accepted or fit in with society.

I have absolutely no idea where this has come
from.

I find myself stalking people on Facebook.
So if one of my friends meets another friend, I will
look at their pictures to see what they look like and how pretty / slim they are.

I met up with one of my friends a few weeks ago, she’s so slim and pretty and I felt good about being with her, but I felt bad about her being with me.

I wondered how many people would question why a good looking slim girl would want to hang out with an overweight ugly girl (me)

How can I over come this obsession with looks / weight? Where could it have come from?

I have a weird belief that you need to look a certain way to be happy, accepted or fit in with society.

But surely life experience has told you this is not true. If not you maybe you need to get out more. People of all shapes and sizes are happy and successful in a range of ways. And Facebook is not reality.

We all have prejudices, it's what you do with it that counts. I'm not into looks at all, other than keeping clean I don't do any personal grooming etc. I've become quite overweight in the last few years and people definitely judge me for that, (they seem surprised that I have a degree and am in a professional role 🙄) and I'm ashamed to say I now too look at overweight people differently for an instance, before I check myself and wind my neck in.

I judge people if they look too done up and too perfect. Try-hard is not a good look.

If you are slim I wouldn’t assume the worst, but if you were very overweight (like me) I would assume you were not bothered about yourself and just didn’t want to make an effort
Honestly your whole post screams I'm not slim and pretty, I'm not as good as those people, I'm so unhappy with who I am and woth my life

You clearly sound like your projecting your own insecurities onto other people. You see me and you see all the parts of you you think others are judging you on, and that you're unhappy with.

@Flippanty

The judgements you make of other people are just an insight into how you feel about yourself. You’re not a bad person you just obviously have incredibly low self esteem!

I’ve noticed myself judging people’s image since I’ve put on a bit of weight and comparing myself to strangers in the street. I absolutely never did this before I had my own body image issues. I noticed recently I only do it to other women which as a feminist I hate! So I’ve started trying to flip it round when I catch myself doing it. So if I see a woman out running with her pram, instead of thinking is she bigger or smaller than me, I think good for her getting out with the baby. If I see a couple in the street, instead of thinking ‘oh she’s bigger than me and she’s wearing that?’ I think ‘they look so happy together and you go girl wearing whatever the fuck you want!’ It’s making me feel a lot better about myself being kinder to strangers in my head!

Kudos to you for challenging yourself this way. I really respect that!

This is something that makes me very paranoid. I am slim, young, and good looking by what others have said. But no one knows i have very low self esteem due to having Social Anxiety my entire teen and adult life so i have very few friends and not enough confidence to pass a job interview anywhere. flattering clothes and makeup makes me feel good enough to leave the house but still not good enough for the workplace. Being called sexy by DH makes me feel good, but i cannot enjoy sex after being raped in my teen years. My eldest DS has SEN but no one would know it looking at him. I would rather have a happier, more fulfilling life than my looks anyday.

You aren't a nice person. You are a horrible person. I am basing that on your behaviour and not your looks, by the way.

@SleepingStandingUp

If you are slim I wouldn’t assume the worst, but if you were very overweight (like me) I would assume you were not bothered about yourself and just didn’t want to make an effort Honestly your whole post screams I'm not slim and pretty, I'm not as good as those people, I'm so unhappy with who I am and woth my life

You clearly sound like your projecting your own insecurities onto other people. You see me and you see all the parts of you you think others are judging you on, and that you're unhappy with.

@SleepingStandingUp

I think you are most probably right. 😓

Your life seems so bleak. I think you have a very skewed view of others, rooted in your own lack of self worth. You say you have no life apart from eating, drinking and sleeping which says to me that you are starving yourself of activities, culture, companionship and other ‘food for the soul’. I hope you find the help you need to lift yourself out of this mindset and to see yourself and others as unique, worthwhile human beings.

I judge them, they judge me.
They judge me on my broken front tooth, I judge them on their filthy, downtrodden fake uggs that they slop around the office in.
I judge one bloke because he wears the same pair of polyester trousers every day and smells fusty. I judge another woman who wears vest tops with a dirty grey bra showing most days with too much flab showing. They probably judge me for being 3 stone overweight and wearing pop socks with my open toe sandal type shoes.
It’s normal.

@Wombats12

I am plain, overweight and going grey.

I am also very successful with my business and retired early with my gorgeous husband of many years, so we potter along very happily.

I'd be sad you'd judge me harshly. I'm unique and every person deserves respect, regardless of looks, etc. I'd be getting some help with my self-esteem, not looking at others.

Making natural assessments based on looks isn't the same as not giving them respect though. They don't automatically go hand in hand.

I can dress as a right scruff some days, and don't look attractive or like I'm taking care of myself. A lot of people are likewise in the park recently with so many outdoor workouts going on. But everyone is cheery, encouraging and respectful of each other.

Subconsciously I’m sure I judge them in some way!

But it doesn’t necessarily correspond to what you’ve said in your OP.

Things I don't like and judge:

• people caked in too much makeup
• fake orange tan
• little girls wearing sexualised clothes
• visible bum cracks

Apart from that if people are clean then I am happy.

Yes and no

I don’t do what you do and I don’t stalk folks on line, or make decisions on being seen with them based on weight or looks, that’s I feel is very odd

I do judge based on how well dressed someone is, their hair and personal grooming, as in I’d make assumptions about them, generally you can tell if someone is dressed in cheap clothing, or expensive stuff, even if done in, and if their hair is expensively cared for etc, you can tell.

So I guess I’d make a financial assumption, but I’d not focus on weight. The only time I’d focus on weight is if someone is very under or over and it caught my attention.

People do make assumptions tho. I've been told that the bargain furniture shop is around the corner... :-)

But then I'm scruffy every day. Getting upright is enough of a challenge for me, never mind anything else.

The cliche birds of a feather flock together is broadly true though. Most friendship groups are of similar ish people. I visit clients at home and when they recommend me to friends the friends are pretty much always same age / class / type - always.

@AuntMasha

Your life seems so bleak. I think you have a very skewed view of others, rooted in your own lack of self worth. You say you have no life apart from eating, drinking and sleeping which says to me that you are starving yourself of activities, culture, companionship and other ‘food for the soul’. I hope you find the help you need to lift yourself out of this mindset and to see yourself and others as unique, worthwhile human beings.

@AuntMasha

I wouldn’t say it’s bleak.
I do need to do more.

@MrsDThomas

Those who say they don’t judge, are lying.

We all do it.

wrong

godmum56
They're not wrong at all. Everyone judges. Everyone makes initial assessments based on external factors. Anyone claiming otherwise is kidding themselves and it makes me wonder why they feel the need to claim they're somehow more enlightened than everyone else.

@workwoes123

Of course. It’s normal, it’s our first impression of people and trying to work out what they are like.

The trick is not to judge solely on this and remember that there’s a lot more to it than appearance.

My mum taught me to judge on appearance, and she judged herself hardest of all. Grabbing her upper arms and saying how flabby they were; grabbing and prodding at her spare tyre and saying how horrible it was; despairing of her double chin. All she did was teach me to hate me body, im exactly the same body type as her and getting more similar as I reach menopause sadly. So I automatically notice excess weight, on men too but especially women, I’ve been trained to.

you are not your mother or your training. If you want to change you can.

It’s not wrong,it’s batshit to pretend other wise. We all make assumptions based on how someone presents

@Bluntness100

Yes and no

I don’t do what you do and I don’t stalk folks on line, or make decisions on being seen with them based on weight or looks, that’s I feel is very odd

I do judge based on how well dressed someone is, their hair and personal grooming, as in I’d make assumptions about them, generally you can tell if someone is dressed in cheap clothing, or expensive stuff, even if done in, and if their hair is expensively cared for etc, you can tell.

So I guess I’d make a financial assumption, but I’d not focus on weight. The only time I’d focus on weight is if someone is very under or over and it caught my attention.

I think what Bluntness describes is "normal" though.

Like you're thinking, "she's expensively dressed, probably has a lot of money".

But if you were OP, you'd be thinking, ""she's expensively dress, probably has a lot of money. I bet she's a stuck up bitch".

That's the difference between the normal assessments we all subconsciously or consciously make and what OP does.

.... you're not equating what someone's wearing with a character flaw, is basically what I meant to say.

I work for a fashion retailer in the marketing and brand department. It's actually my job to judge which models we cast. I also have sign off on all imagery and if the model doesn't look right in the image for any reason I won't approve it.

It's genuinely my least favourite part of the job as it makes me feel so mean, but models are very used to it and don't take it personally. Well I really hope so!

Because of that I try never to judge any other time lol

@AllieBallyBee

But if you were OP, you'd be thinking, ""she's expensively dress, probably has a lot of money. I bet she's a stuck up bitch".

No, I wouldn’t be thinking that, at all!!!

I would be thinking she’s nicely dressed, probably has a good income, a good job.
Probably wouldn’t want to be friends with someone who looks like me (ie someone who didn’t look like her)

I wouldn’t think she was a stuck up bitch.
Not sure what you’ve assumed that.