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Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out
303

Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:23

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

StarryStarrySocks · 16/06/2021 11:28

It's really not that hard for most competent adults to look after two small children for a few hours so yes I think you are being a bit precious. They can always skip bathtime just for tonight if that's the bit you're most worried about.

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Wimpeyspread · 16/06/2021 11:30

YABU to have reached the ages of 3 & 5 and not located a suitable local babysitter for occasions such as this

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Adelino · 16/06/2021 11:32

I think yabu I'm afraid. She is in her 20s, not 13.
Worst case scenario the kids make a fuss and don't go to bed so DH comes back to grouchy children curled up in front of the TV when he gets back.
I can understand you being annoyed that the one time he needs to look after the kids, he isn't. But there really doesn't seem to be a good reason not to just get a babysitter.
Hopefully she will be great and then you'll have found yourselves a regular babysitter!

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PassionfruitOrangeGuava · 16/06/2021 11:32

YANBU. It's the fact that he's asked someone to babysit your children without discussing it first that would bother me. I wouldn't just choose someone to babysit my DC on my own, it'd be a discussion to ensure we were both comfortable with it. I wouldn't leave my children with essentially a stranger.

I'd be really annoyed at this.

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bloodyhell19 · 16/06/2021 11:35

He really just couldn't give it a miss for one evening? I wouldn't be happy with a stranger my kids have never met before doing bath time and bedtime to be honest, especially from a safeguarding POV. But I would put it on a list to find someone trusted and local to do the odd babysitting when needed for future reference...

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FlyNow · 16/06/2021 11:35

I think yabu. When you said an unknown I thought you meant someone off an app or something, but you actually do know this person. As for doing bath time safely... Just skip the bath for the day.

If you don't have any close family or friends that regularly babysit, that means if you ever want a baby sitter you will have to start getting to know one at some point. I'm also in that situation and my dc only ever being with me or DH just isn't realistic, so babysitter it is sometimes.

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viques · 16/06/2021 11:37

Sounds like a good idea to have local , reliable people who you can call on for baby sitting, or emergencies.

But I think on this occasion, since yours is a work commitment, and his is for fun he should have given it up, because it is very short notice and the children aren’t prepared .

Get to meet the prospective baby sitter , build up a relationship with her and the children, then the situation won’t arise in the future.

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Underpaidsnackbitch · 16/06/2021 11:39

YANBU. Your DH has been underhand in arranging this without consulting you. You both need to feel comfortable with who you trust to look after your children.

I would not be leaving my children with a stranger.

DH needs to stay at home in this instance, but you could find someone in the longer term who you are comfortable with to babysit.

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Bksjshsbbev2737 · 16/06/2021 11:41

I wouldn’t leave my DC of that age with someone they’d never met as I know my DD would get upset and just not go to bed with someone she doesn’t know. If you’d had the chance to at least introduce her to them etc then it’d feel different. I also wouldn’t be expecting a stranger to bath them; I teach my kids about their bodies being their own and that only certain people should help them wash etc so to then bring in a stranger and say this is ok wouldn’t sit well with me. This could be gotten round though by skipping a bath and getting them into pjs quickly when they come home.

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PoliceDogWoof · 16/06/2021 11:42

A neighbour's dd and in her 20s!
Id bite her arm off if she will do it

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Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:45

You are absolutely right - we do need to sort out a babysitter. But we recently moved to the area and what with covid and all we haven't had time to do this.

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Clickbait · 16/06/2021 11:48

I think this is fine. We always used neighbours' children to babysit - and they were a lot younger than 20!

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Clickbait · 16/06/2021 11:50

Honestly, there are SO many threads on here about lazy husbands who don't seem to do anything around the house or sorting out childcare and leave it all to their wife. Then on this thread you have a husband who has taken the initiative and sorted out a perfectly reasonable childcare solution and posters are saying he has been underhand and should have consulted his wife!!

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Eilidh1003 · 16/06/2021 12:09

You are being massively unreasonable. It’s time to loosen up a bit. We are in danger in this society of doubting everyone and thinking they are dangerous or some sort of threat. Unfortunately those types do exist but it’s rare. Most adults can cope with a couple of kids for a few hours. She’s not a stranger altogether she’s a neighbours daughter. You’re acting like it’s some random off the street!

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Chamomileteaplease · 16/06/2021 12:10

I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children.

YANBU. You hardly know this girl and she has never met your kids before.

I think your husband is extremely selfish to put his sport above the emotional wellbeing of his own small children.

The kids may well not drown and may well be put to bed but unless they are the most chilled out (or neglected) kids ever, they will find it distressing to do this with someone they have never met Sad.

Plus you will be distracted at your work do, worrying.

I would say yes, meet this girl, have her round to tea one day with the kids so that you can see if she can babysit in the future. But not tonight. Don't let your husband's sulks stop you from protecting your kids.

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PixieDust28 · 16/06/2021 12:13

Your DH is a dick. His sport takes over the safety of his kids. Wow.

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Muststopeating · 16/06/2021 12:13

I would have wanted the kids to meet her in advance but I think there's a compromise here.

You get her round an hour before either of you need to leave to give her and the kids a chance to familiarise. Skip the bath. It is DHs responsibility to do handover (so if it doesn't go well he is late, not you). He has to sort out kids while you get ready and if need be you leave early and go and have a pre drink somewhere.

If there are any problems through the evening, DH gets the call. DH leaves his thing.

I don't think you can say fairer than that. Yours has been planned and is a work commitment. His wasn't. You will agree to the arrangement as long as he does all the necessary facilitation.

(I'd be less than impressed if it was my first time out in ages and I wanted to get a bit glammed up but had to be wrangling kids that he was supposed to be in charge of).

Fingers crossed everyone gets on great and you have a longer term option available.

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StillWaters77 · 16/06/2021 12:13

Should you let someone you don't know look after your children for the evening and have to deal with their 'personal care'? Erm no, just because she's your neighbours daughter doesn't mean a thing.. 'everyone' is someone's son or daughter, it means nothing.
I say he stays at home on this occasion and you get to know her and see her around the kids in a relaxed environment rather than this pressure to be comfortable when you're clearly not so in future she could be an option. You won't relax and your evening out will be a waste.

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PixieDust28 · 16/06/2021 12:14

And bathtime no way. This whole set up is weird.
He'll have to miss sports the inconsiderate arsehole.

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PixieDust28 · 16/06/2021 12:15

@Eilidh1003

You are being massively unreasonable. It’s time to loosen up a bit. We are in danger in this society of doubting everyone and thinking they are dangerous or some sort of threat. Unfortunately those types do exist but it’s rare. Most adults can cope with a couple of kids for a few hours. She’s not a stranger altogether she’s a neighbours daughter. You’re acting like it’s some random off the street!

When it comes to your children no you shouldn't trust random people. All sorts happen behind closed doors.

Keep your children safe.
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PacifyLulu · 16/06/2021 12:18

I don’t think yabu apart from in referring to your neighbour’s daughter as a girl. She’s a woman.

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Regularsizedrudy · 16/06/2021 12:20

I wouldn’t leave my kids with someone I didn’t know, especially if it was easily avoidable. Your husband needs to pull his weight.

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Aquamarine1029 · 16/06/2021 12:21

Your husband is a selfish, self-absorbed prick. I don't care if this person is in their 20's, she a total stranger to you and your kids. You have no idea what she's like or what she gets up to, yet you'll have her in your home, alone with your two small children? Not a chance in hell. I'd be furious with him.

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Laiste · 16/06/2021 12:23

No. 100% no. I wouldn't leave my kids with a perfect stranger to them.

The DC won't know who the hell is bathing them and putting them to bed!

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Fluffydust · 16/06/2021 12:23

Yes all sorts happens behind closed doors and in my case, and the majority of cases, it was a family member/family friend committing these 'all sorts'.

Keep your children safe but don't continue to push the stranger danger myth, it's dangerous

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