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Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out

303 replies

Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:23

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

billy1966 · 16/06/2021 12:44

YANBU, i wouldn't dream of it.

What an underhand thing to do and now to sulk ? Twat.

You have a rare work thing and he couldn't just do it without causing drama.

No I would NOT leave bath time and bed time with a stranger.

Absolutely not.

This isn't about the woman involved, it's that you don't know her and neither do your children.

Bath time with a stranger.🙄

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WeAllHaveWings · 16/06/2021 12:46

If he organises it, gives the babysitter the details of bedtime/books etc and is available to come back reasonably quickly if the dc are upset then ok.

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randomkey123 · 16/06/2021 12:49

He's shown some initiative by asking someone, but doing so without talking to you first and checking your OK with it? Not cool.

Don't be the one to give up your plans, though, OP.

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2021 12:49

YANBU, op.

It astounds me that many posters on MN would be happy to scrape together any random off the street to do the "easy" task of looking after their kids so long as it lets them keep up with the important task of getting on with their hobbies.

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PussGirl · 16/06/2021 12:49

If it's cycling it's light till 10pm in the UK so DH can help with bath / bed then go out, leaving the neighbour's daughter in charge.

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georgarina · 16/06/2021 12:52

YANBU

Her age and the fact she's a neighbour is irrelevant, I wouldn't want someone my kids had never met and I hadn't vetted looking after them and being in my house alone.

I'd always want them to meet the kids first, and for me to have a conversation with them.

The fact your DH has done this behind your back is not on.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 12:53

But I think on this occasion, since yours is a work commitment, and his is for fun he should have given it up, because it is very short notice and the children aren’t prepared .

STOP right there!

A parent has every right NOT to give up something because it's "just for fun"!

No wonder mothers are treated like second-class citizens with attitude like that.

What do you need to do to "prepare" the children? Confused
It doesn't take that long to tell them they are spending the evening with "neighbour" as a treat and they'll have fun together.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 12:54

@FourTeaFallOut

YANBU, op.

It astounds me that many posters on MN would be happy to scrape together any random off the street to do the "easy" task of looking after their kids so long as it lets them keep up with the important task of getting on with their hobbies.

yes, the neighbours daughter, that's a random from the street..Hmm
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HelloBunny · 16/06/2021 12:55

The one night you’re off doing something else, he wants to go out.

Your DH is being so unfair to you & the kids. There will be loads more chances to do his sport, this summer.

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2pinkginsplease · 16/06/2021 12:55

He is being unreasonable! You clearly had plans so he stays home. That's how being a parent works. Compromise and working together.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 12:57

@2pinkginsplease

He is being unreasonable! You clearly had plans so he stays home. That's how being a parent works. Compromise and working together.

so if the husband has plans, the wife MUST stay home?

Are you for real?!
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Moorelewis · 16/06/2021 12:58

YABU To be concerned about her age.. she is an adult. Women in their 20's have children too! YANBU to not want a random stranger to look after your children, I wouldn't!

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Itsafineday · 16/06/2021 12:59

Good for him for sorting out the logistics and not assuming it's your job!

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2021 13:00

yes, the neighbours daughter, that's a random from the street...

The one that has never seen the kids before...that random...Hmm

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partyatthepalace · 16/06/2021 13:03

You are being over protective. She’s 23, the kids are 3 and 5. It’s not that hard.

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haveaday · 16/06/2021 13:05

The neighbours daughter aside (I'm sure she's lovely) I would be massively pissed at my husband for this. It's something that's been in calendar for months, it rarely happens and he has decided that he MUST do this thing tonight without giving a shit about you or his children. Completely not on and I'd be livid.

Do meet the neighbours daughter though and get her to meet the children if she's interested in earning a bit of cash because she will come in handy for when you're dating again after throwing your dickhead husband out.

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romdowa · 16/06/2021 13:05

Why is his judgement of the neighbour not acceptable? These are his children too . If this was a man complaining about his wife's choice of childcare , the replies would be a lot different.

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minipie · 16/06/2021 13:07

I am amazed so many posters have children who would be totally fine with someone they have never met before putting them to bed, at age 3 and 5.

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Liverbird77 · 16/06/2021 13:07

You are not being at all unreasonable.
I was a nice, responsible person in my early twenties. Did I know how to bathe/do bedtime/comfort small children? Absolutely no clue!

I have friends locally with a daughter of 23. She's a great young woman and loves the kids. Even so, I would not have her babysitting alone because she simply doesn't have the knowledge or experience to deal with young children.

And you're not being unreasonable not to have found a local babysitter, as a pp said. You fully expected your husband to be doing it. This isn't an emergency. He is being selfish.

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tolerable · 16/06/2021 13:07

yanbu. no.no.no. you are not sure shes lovely-no

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Anotheruser02 · 16/06/2021 13:07

Interesting views. I'm on the fence about this, before I was a parent I would have agreed with you. However as a single parent when my child is with his Dad he leaves him with people I don't even like and I'm told that's not my business, on his time he decides what is appropriate.
I suppose when you are together with your child's other parent the reminders that they are just as much a parent don't hit you as often, it must be more of a shock when they make a choice you wouldn't have. You did give him tonight though, that was his time and he decided what was appropriate care.

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2021 13:08

There's nothing about the babysitter having parents living next door that would negate all of the usual safeguarding concerns about leaving your child with a stranger to both you and them, surely?

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PassionfruitOrangeGuava · 16/06/2021 13:08

@romdowa

Why is his judgement of the neighbour not acceptable? These are his children too . If this was a man complaining about his wife's choice of childcare , the replies would be a lot different.

Both parents have to be happy with childcare imo, it's not a decision that one person gets to make alone. Equally if OP chose a nursery that she was fine with but DH wasn't happy with the quality of care there then it wouldn't be okay for her to dismiss his concerns.

I disagree the responses would be different. This is one case where it really doesn't matter who is male and who is female.
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Dozer · 16/06/2021 13:09

YABU not to have set up any paid childcare options before now.

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rainbowstardrops · 16/06/2021 13:09

Nope, I wouldn't be happy with my children being put to bed by a complete stranger that they've never met!
Is it crucial that your DH goes out tonight? If he can do it any other night of the week then he's being an utter dick.

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