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Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out

303 replies

Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:23

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

3Britnee · 16/06/2021 13:20

Reading this thread, I can can see how that abductor next door or whatever it was on netflix actually happened. ConfusedShock

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Blossomtoes · 16/06/2021 13:21

@2pinkginsplease

He is being unreasonable! You clearly had plans so he stays home. That's how being a parent works. Compromise and working together.

It’s not how being a parent works in my world. Being a parent is ensuring children are properly looked after and not necessarily by a parent.
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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:21

I forgot it's MN, on another thread it was judged unsafe to leave a 16 year old alone.

I bet most of the posters commenting have no kids, or have family babysitting on tap, or just martyrs who are happy to martyr themselves while their husband has a life.

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panicpidgeon · 16/06/2021 13:21

No way - I have an almost 3 year old and an almost 5 year old and we've been talking for a while about finding a regular babysitter who they could get to know before we left them to do bed and bath etc so we could go out. there's no way I (or my kids) would be happy with a stranger putting them to bed. YANBU at all.

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2021 13:21

Grin How many mothers scan the neighbourhood for anyone willing to look after their kids so they can do their hobby the one night their partner has an engagement?

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:22

You do know that DBS only means someone hasn't been caught, don't you...If you are seeing murderers and tortures everywhere, do you realise that?
Most serial killers were not on any police file when they finally got caught, they would have passed their DBS with flying colours.

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Gemma2019 · 16/06/2021 13:24

I would be really pissed off about this. If it was my first evening out in ages I would want to take time getting ready and not have to wrangle kids and make sure everything is presentable and ready for a babysitter I barely know. Getting a babysitter adds extra planning and stress. Is your DH trying to ruin your evening? He should stay home, the selfish bastard.

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Killahangilion · 16/06/2021 13:24

I wouldn’t be impressed if my DH prioritised his needs above his children’s welfare, but luckily my DH isn’t a selfish dickhead.

The children don’t know this person and he’s expecting them to blithely accept a stranger looking after them for a few hours. Surely it would be better to pay and arrange for her to visit when you’re both there to get to know the children and vice-versa especially as it’s not an emergency.

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Oblomov21 · 16/06/2021 13:24

Moving on.
Have you asked her to pop round today?
She could be there at 4pm. You could decide you like her.
DD might like her too and decide she's thrilled she's coming back at say 7pm.

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Yaya26 · 16/06/2021 13:25

People should lay off attacking the OP. As she has said it's a rare and longstanding arrangement. Her DH is being selfish.

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SeaToSki · 16/06/2021 13:25

@Muststopeating

I would have wanted the kids to meet her in advance but I think there's a compromise here.

You get her round an hour before either of you need to leave to give her and the kids a chance to familiarise. Skip the bath. It is DHs responsibility to do handover (so if it doesn't go well he is late, not you). He has to sort out kids while you get ready and if need be you leave early and go and have a pre drink somewhere.

If there are any problems through the evening, DH gets the call. DH leaves his thing.

I don't think you can say fairer than that. Yours has been planned and is a work commitment. His wasn't. You will agree to the arrangement as long as he does all the necessary facilitation.

(I'd be less than impressed if it was my first time out in ages and I wanted to get a bit glammed up but had to be wrangling kids that he was supposed to be in charge of).

Fingers crossed everyone gets on great and you have a longer term option available.

This
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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:27

Or just ask a local friend to recommend a babysitter they KNOW if you have an issue against your neighbour (not the random from the street posters pretend they are) or pay for a certified babysitter from a nanny agency who will have all the certificate you need - and you pay accordingly.

it's not that hard.

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NessieMcNessface · 16/06/2021 13:28

Chamomile

‘The kids may well not drown and may well be put to bed but unless they are the most chilled out (or neglected) kids ever, they will find it distressing to do this with someone they have never met.’

Plus you will be distracted at your work do, worrying.’

This

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FourTeaFallOut · 16/06/2021 13:29

Murderers and torturers is a little hyperbolic? Is that the threshold for ruling out babysitting on MN?

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Overdueanamechange · 16/06/2021 13:29

Go to your work event. Yes he is being a dick, but this is a 20 year old neighbour from a family you know. Have your children in the pjs ready for bed, bathtime can be missed just this once. Give her your dh's number. If all works out well, which i am sure it will, you have a babysitter close by.
I have already said your DH is being a dick, but I find some of the comments about going behind your back and being underhanded, how dare he take it upon himself as a mere father to make decisions etc to be controlling.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:30

Unless your husband is a SAH dad, do you normally take the kids at work with you if you are so horrified about leaving them with someone else?

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Lemonandlime123 · 16/06/2021 13:31

No way, not nice for the children to be put to bed by a complete stranger?!?

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:31

@FourTeaFallOut

Murderers and torturers is a little hyperbolic? Is that the threshold for ruling out babysitting on MN?

that was in reply to the most ... outraged posters
like the one mentioning neighbours abduction.

There's a context.
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Bin85 · 16/06/2021 13:31

Aren't there storms forecast tonight where you are?

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roarfeckingroarr · 16/06/2021 13:33

Nope. No. Never.

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viques · 16/06/2021 13:34

@rachelstriffle

If it bothers you so much, YOU stay home. You don't demand that your partner gives up his plans.

Did you read the first post? The Op has a long standing event related to her WORK.Her partner has only just decided that this needs to be another hobby night.
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FightingtheFoo · 16/06/2021 13:35

@rachelstriffle

Or just ask a local friend to recommend a babysitter they KNOW if you have an issue against your neighbour (not the random from the street posters pretend they are) or pay for a certified babysitter from a nanny agency who will have all the certificate you need - and you pay accordingly.

it's not that hard.

So how come her husband hasn't done it? Why has he just asked the first person with tits he spotted?
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Sunshineandflipflops · 16/06/2021 13:36

I wouldn't have left my 3 & 5 year olds with someone they (or I) don't know very well, especially at a time such as bedtime. My kids were (and still are as young teens) quite particular about their bedtime routines and it would have caused me more stress that it was worth to go out through worry. They also had a habit of waking in the night at that age and would have wanted their parent/grandparent there to settle them if they did.

I think if you invite the neighbour over as others have suggested, so that you can all get to know each other better then I would be more comfortable but I would be very pissed off if my husband were to do this.

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FuckyouCovid21 · 16/06/2021 13:37

@Clickbait

Honestly, there are SO many threads on here about lazy husbands who don't seem to do anything around the house or sorting out childcare and leave it all to their wife. Then on this thread you have a husband who has taken the initiative and sorted out a perfectly reasonable childcare solution and posters are saying he has been underhand and should have consulted his wife!!

He is fucking lazy, he could have looked after his kids for ONE night!
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lemmein · 16/06/2021 13:38

Wow, he really doesn't want to look after his own kids alone for one evening does he? Hmm

YANBU OP

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