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Unknown babysitter because DH wants to go out

303 replies

Rosieposie79 · 16/06/2021 11:23

I am not sure if I am being over cautious or whether other mums would think this okay.
I have to go out to a work event this eve - a very rare evening thing that has been in calender for months.
DH decided yesterday that weather was perfect for him to do his sport tonight. We don't have any local family or regular babysitter and without consulting me he has asked neighbours' daughter (in early 20s) to babysit our children (3 & 5). I am sure this girl is lovely but we hardly know her, she has never met our kids and to my knowledge has very little experience of young children. She would need to put them to bed because children would be home from afterschool club just before we both need to leave at 6pm.
Not only do I feel uncomfortable dumping young children with a stranger for bedtime when they would usually expect stories and cuddles with us. But there are also all the activities of bath time when I just feel it needs someone with a bit more experience to do this safely.
I just feel DH is being unreasonable and there will be lots of other opportunities to do his sport. He should just stay and look after kids as agreed.
He is having a big old sulk and thinks I am being overprotective.

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

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ArchbishopOfBanterbury · 16/06/2021 13:42

Sounds like she might be a potential candidate for babysitting like this one day, but it'd be better if she got to know the children, and you got to know her, first. I'd certainly expect that DH stayed for the bedtime routine and didn't leave her until the children were asleep. He's selfish and short-sighted.

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OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 16/06/2021 13:44

And how do people cope with agency sitters? My dd currently au pairing and she does agency babysitting for extra money- not once has she met the kids before her initial job. Agencies often seem to be suggested on here.
But your dh however is a dick, he’s prioritising his hobby (it’s cycling isn’t it?) over looking after his kids but also trying to sabotage your rare night out.

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Notaroadrunner · 16/06/2021 13:45

Kids don't need a bath. I'm sure a 20 yr old can manage to get them into their pjs and read a bedtime story. We've had lots of babysitters through the years. They came, played with kids and put them to bed. Kids were always fine with them. You go out first and leave Dh to do the introductions. If the kids totally freak out then he'll be the one who has to stay, not you.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 13:47

Interesting thread keep and bring back every time a mother is posting about being told to stay home looking after her own children when her husband is working,

How would she DARE find a babysitter and have life.

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NameChange2PostThis · 16/06/2021 13:48

YANBU to refuse to accept an untrained stranger as a babysitter.
YANBU to think your DH is selfish.
YABU to bath your kids every night Grin

But you do need to sort out a trustworthy babysitting service, even if you only need it occasionally. Try sitters.co.uk - yes they will be strangers (at least initially) but they will be vetted, trained, experienced childcarers with first aid certificates and DBS.

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deathbypostitnote · 16/06/2021 13:49

13:44OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow

That's different because they are known to be checked and experienced. Children may be used to it and prepared for it to happen. However I feel sorry for children who are regularly palmed off on a series of them.

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Scarydinosaurs · 16/06/2021 13:49

Agencies have vetted the adults working for them. There is a formal application process.

This is a stranger to the children.

I wonder if it is was a neighbours son if posters would be so keen?

I’d see this as a massive safeguarding risk. I’m shocked others think it’s okay. Inviting a stranger into the house and even suggesting she might do bath time?? Fuck that.

YANBU.

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deathbypostitnote · 16/06/2021 13:50

Kids don't need a bath.

Said no mother of small boys ever.

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1forAll74 · 16/06/2021 13:53

I would have to have a chat with the babysitter first, not just let a babysitter in randomly, Also are your children ok with new people around, as in how they react to a stranger. You don't need to go through all the bath time stuff, just for this one time. I am sure a 20 year old would be fine to babysit,and like having a bit of extra cash,

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HopeYourHighHorseBucks · 16/06/2021 13:56

I would lean towards more YANBU. Bath time etc can be skipped for one night and I'm sure she is not a threat but not having met your DC and them being so young I dont think it's a great idea. I would be clock watching the whole night to get home.

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Stovetopespresso · 16/06/2021 13:59

@edwinbear

YANBU. You're working at an event that has been in the calendar for a long time, presumably you discussed this event with your DH before committing to it and he agreed he'd look after the DC.

Now he's changed the goalposts completely to play sport (my money is on golf, not cycling, but could be either) and to facilitate that, he's palming your DC off on a virtual stranger? I'd be furious too.

this!!
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Bibidy · 16/06/2021 14:00

I totally get your annoyance that he's not just looking after the kids himself on this rare occasion when you are out. He could have had his sports night another night. That would be my issue.

I do think you're being a bit over the top re the actual babysitter though. A 20-year-old woman can easily look after a 3 and 5yo for a few hours in their own home, and presumably her parents are just nextdoor too if she needs a hand. I wouldn't have her doing bathtime though, I think that's an unfair ask. They can skip bath this one day.

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TopTabby · 16/06/2021 14:00

YANBU, there's no way I'd have left my 2 at that age with someone they'd NEVER MET & I doubt a lot of the posters telling you that you're being unreasonable would either!
It's not even an emergency is it? It's because your dh wants to do something. Kids have to have a stranger at bedtime because dad would rather play golf, go on a bike ride or whatever. Nice dad.
I feel a bit sorry for the dc of posters that think this is fine tbh.

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babytops · 16/06/2021 14:02

Wow I'm shocked by the yabu posts!
I would never leave my kids with a random person they don't know! Wtf!
My kids wouldn't appreciate it either!
Your husband is a dick.

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StillWaters77 · 16/06/2021 14:03

@rachelstriffle

Back in the real world, people employ babysitter chosen by recommendation, friends, neighbours...

Only on MN planet must a babysitter meet the children in advance?! Confused

If this thread was reversed, posters would be outraged at the husband expecting for his wife to stay home when he's out.

@rachelstriffle

Yes they do but they also meet them first. Much the same as visiting a nursery or school. You want to get a feel for the people looking after your children. When our DC was starting nursery I visited 4 before I made a decision and the one I liked the least, well it was in the news not long ago.
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LadyOfLittleLeisure · 16/06/2021 14:05

@Eilidh1003

You are being massively unreasonable. It’s time to loosen up a bit. We are in danger in this society of doubting everyone and thinking they are dangerous or some sort of threat. Unfortunately those types do exist but it’s rare. Most adults can cope with a couple of kids for a few hours. She’s not a stranger altogether she’s a neighbours daughter. You’re acting like it’s some random off the street!

@Eilidh1003 I agree, I see so many posters on threads that jump to really extreme safeguarding conclusions, including 'your husband is really defensive of his phone, could he be a paedophile?' and '14 year old doesn't like to be without their phone, are they involved in county lines?'
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EscapeToTheMountains · 16/06/2021 14:06

Most likely she's fine, but I wouldn't be happy that you hardly know her and the children have never met her before. This is something both parents should discuss and agree to before bringing in the third party.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 14:07

I don't know anyone who insisted on meeting the babysitter first!

Ask any babysitter if they have been paid for an hour of "meet up" in advance of a booking, and see what they say.

You can't compare a nursery and a babysitter.

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rachelstriffle · 16/06/2021 14:08

Kids have to have a stranger at bedtime because dad would rather play golf, go on a bike ride or whatever. Nice dad.
I feel a bit sorry for the dc of posters that think this is fine tbh.


I feel sorry for the women who have been brainwashed and don't dare doing anything, study, hobby, sport because of people talking nonsense like you are and shaming anyone who has a life while being a parent.

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deathbypostitnote · 16/06/2021 14:09

I don't know anyone who insisted on meeting the babysitter first!

That's odd. I don't know anyone who would dream of leaving their children with someone they don't personally know and trust as a suitable carer, unless an agency has undertaken to confirm that.

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Notaroadrunner · 16/06/2021 14:09

@deathbypostitnote

Kids don't need a bath.

Said no mother of small boys ever.

I have boys. They certainly didn't need a bath every day.
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LadyOfLittleLeisure · 16/06/2021 14:09

Although I'm not sure it would work very well for a 3 year old and 5 year old with someone they've never met. I think there would be lots of tears and you wouldn't relax and then someone would have to come home early :/ DH should just look after them as planned originally

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Blossomtoes · 16/06/2021 14:09

@deathbypostitnote

Kids don't need a bath.

Said no mother of small boys ever.

Never put them to bed filthy because they’re absolutely shattered? I must be a really shit mother.
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Yaya26 · 16/06/2021 14:10

@deathbypostitnote

Kids don't need a bath.

Said no mother of small boys ever.

😂Totally. by 7pm I'm wondering if the powerhouse is a better option.
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BellaNutella88 · 16/06/2021 14:10

There is no way I’d leave my child with someone they didn’t know and I wasn’t 100% comfortable with. Especially for your DH reason ! I’m surprised anyone has said YABU.

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