To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

Sabotage. He wants you to be fat. The question is, why?

Does everyone have to suffer because one person is on a diet?

Having said that, maybe he could have just added the extras to his portion.

But you liked it? Sounds like he is just a good cook tbh.
Are you trying to lose weight? Have you told him? If you are really that fussed then you should probably do the cooking for yourself.

So have you had a conversation with him about wanting to eat better and what that entails?

It's all very well wondering why he tweaks a recipe but most people who can cook will add extra, substitute ingredients to their own taste unless they have a specific reason not to.

Other option is you learn to cook.

Sabotages it? Wasn’t he just trying to make a nice meal?!

It’s fine to tweak recipes but since he knows your goal is to lose weight than it’s odd he’a not taking that under consideration when cooking.

Do you not cook because you hate it or just not very skilled in the kitchen?

He should stick to the recipe if you've agreed it and he knows you're trying to lose weight. It's not like butter and cream aren't famously calorie laden.

I love cooking and if I felt that a dish tasted better with extra cream I might add it. I wouldn't like to cook diet food if I don't need to diet.

He doesn't get it maybe
My dad is quite fattist and I'm quite fat. Yet for my cooked breakfast (yes!) he made me these delicious garlic mushrooms which involved vegan Mayo, olive oil and margarine and that was just part of the breakfast. He said I should make them sometime and I was thinking there is about 500 calories just in that little breakfast side ingredient. He has no idea about what makes people fat because he's never been fat. Maybe your partner is like that? You need to spell it out to him. He can add high calorie ingredients to his own meals.

Surely you could just have a tiny amount of what he cooks and bulk it out with loads of salad. Everyone else can have normal portions of the meal he cooks. Seems a bit harsh to dictate to such a degree, to the person actually doing the graft.

Are you actually on a diet?

Funny these tweakers never add extra salad.

If your partner is watching their weight you don't really add extra butter and cream cheese! Inconsiderate at best, sabotage at worse, though I think unlikely. I'd find it a turn off that he never thought of me while making it though.

Learn to cook.

Cook your own meals?

Nowhere in your OP have you said that you're on a diet, or have told him you're trying to lose weight. Unless you've made this clear to him, he's just doing what most good cooks do.

YABU to expect someone else to do all the cooking and then complain they've focused on making the dish nice.

I've followed some recipes on GoodFood, got 3/4 of the way through and it doesn't taste as nice as I thought so will add in appropriate ingredients to improve it.

If you're not willing to cook then could you ask him to serve a smaller portion of any higher dairy/carb dishes and you'll have it with some salad?

Funny these tweakers never add extra salad
Because a side salad doesn't improve the taste of the components I'm cooking.

Why would adding lettuce leaves improve the taste of a quiche, or a pasta dish, or a risotto?

If you don't trust him not to "tweak" then cook your meals separately.

Tricky one
Though I find it quite weird to always follow a recipe from a book or online, maybe sometimes or to get ideas but doesn’t he just cook from his head too?

I’m afraid I think basically if you don’t like the way he does it you need to cook

I am assuming his "tweaks" rarely involve extra herbs or less sugar, for example? YANBU if his changes always involve calorie-heavy extras and he only tells you after you have eaten.

Are you on a diet? I'm not sure I'd consider a risotto particularly diet friendly: it generally has a tonne of butter in it so is basically just carbs and fat. And your DP is "right" that it would taste better with more fat.

If you don’t like the way he cooks or what he cooks, cook for yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

If you’ve told him that you’re trying to lose weight or you’re counting calories, then YANBU.

I sense a drip feed here.....

Or a reverse