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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

220 replies

StartingGrid · 12/06/2021 20:14

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 13/06/2021 19:46

@MerryChristmasToYou

Men tend to tweak food though. I've someone buy a ready made pizza then spread it with fenugreek and pesto, and someone else smother a pizza with olive oil before cooking it.

Why? One was weird and the other was too oily.

Sexed up pizzas are the best. Garlic puree and extra cheese at the very least!
SunglassesSeventy · 13/06/2021 19:49

YANBU my DH does this and it's annoying.

speakout · 13/06/2021 19:55

Men tend to tweak food though. I've someone buy a ready made pizza then spread it with fenugreek and pesto

While fenugreek is a step too far- I often but supermarket pizza and pimp it up. When pushed for time I may buy a pizza, add veg, mushrooms, a few sun dried tomaoes, extra mozerrella, chilli oil, a few olives etc. Can turn a plain pizza into something more interesting.
Why not?

1forAll74 · 13/06/2021 19:56

It's nice to hear that a man does all the cooking, and some interesting meals,instead of horrible takeaway food. But the ball is in your court for what you eat, and to eat less., or do your own food. You must be eating too much all the time, if you are overweight.

speakout · 13/06/2021 19:57

Sexed up pizzas are the best. Garlic puree and extra cheese at the very least!
Yup! Love it!! Saves money too.

LolaSmiles · 13/06/2021 20:05

Men tend to tweak food though. I've someone buy a ready made pizza then spread it with fenugreek and pesto, and someone else smother a pizza with olive oil before cooking it.
It's not a man thing.
Hmm

I often do what speakout does. Why would I want to eat a nice but slightly bland pizza when with a few tweaks it can be really enjoyable?

It's not unusual for people who enjoy their food to want to make food that they enjoy eating.

LaProcureure · 13/06/2021 20:09

A bit of extra butter an cream cheese in a dish is not the reason anyone is fat…

Einszwei · 13/06/2021 20:13

YABU....the extra butter in a well balanced meal is not making you fat. It will be larger portion sizes, snacking and lack of exercise.

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/06/2021 20:21

@LolaSmiles, there are tweaks and tweaks. Adding ingredients that taste different doesn't improve it.

Adding more cheese and garlic is ok, but adding fenugreek and pesto was just weird. They just didn't go together.

LolaSmiles · 13/06/2021 20:25

MerryChristmasToYou
That's all in the mouth of the chef though isn't it? I've been to some fancy restaurants and found the food combinations odd but other diners clearly love it. Same on The Great British Menu, even the judges regularly disagree if certain combinations work or not.

I'd not put fenugreek on a pizza, but if someone did then that's up to them. It doesn't make tweaking meals a man thing.

Paq · 13/06/2021 20:30

You need to take responsibility for your own food. It's not your husband's fault you're fat.

MerryChristmasToYou · 13/06/2021 20:31

They weren't chefs.

BertramLacey · 13/06/2021 20:38

A bit of extra butter an cream cheese in a dish is not the reason anyone is fat

This. It's not bad or unhealthy. It would be if you ate it every meal but adding a bit to a risotto is neither here nor there. It's also more sustainable to have a diet that includes a bit of these things than to try to cut them out altogether.

Armi · 13/06/2021 20:45

@Paq

You need to take responsibility for your own food. It's not your husband's fault you're fat.
He’s not helping though, is he? A dollop of butter and a tablespoon of cream here and there really does add up, and it’s the principle of it when you are trying to lose weight. Perhaps the OP had planned to use that number of calories on a snack later on. This now takes away something she was looking forward to. If you plan a day’s calorie in take and factor a 600 calorie dinner into that ( I know this is more than many MN types consume in a fortnight, but bear with) it’s a complete pain in the arse to discover you have accidentally wolfed down 1000 calories instead.

My DH does this, too, OP. I love him to bits and the food tastes amazing, but it does make me want to throw a non-stick pan at him, now and then.

Paq · 13/06/2021 21:02

@Armi there is nothing healthy / weight loss inducing about a risotto, the changes the DH made were marginal.

LateAtTate · 13/06/2021 21:06

@Armi but she didn't tell him expressly that she was trying to lose weight, did she? Just that she was 'exercising and eating healthier', not going on a full on diet. Also she didnt say 'this recipe was chosen to fit my calorie count for today, please follow it exactly, did she?

Anybody who's serious about losing weight has to cook their own food. That way they have complete control and can track calories etc properly. Instead OP is getting angry and blaming her DH for something perfectly normal...

Adiscoveryofbitches · 13/06/2021 21:56

Don’t blame butter for what sugar did

Fluffmum · 13/06/2021 22:41

Is he a feeder? I’m overweight and my husband loves to buy cake as a treat for me. He doesn’t understand f all about diets😂

Zilla1 · 13/06/2021 23:16

Diet research is very contested but what @Diverami says. Everyone's genetics and gut biome is different and can have hugely different reactions to the same food but, in general, focusing on fat = bad as adds calories will tend to be counter-productive. Adding butter may well have made someone likely to ingest fewer calories and moderate their glyceamic response to an otherwise carbohydrate-heavy dish.

Good luck, OP, but unless you've posted active sabotaging behaviour, YABU in expecting someone who cooks and might seem to enjoy cooking to not try and make a meal taste better if you've not said this is the recipe I want following to the letter and, even if you did, is he your DP or an employed chef?

TheChosenTwo · 14/06/2021 07:45

Butter definitely belongs in a risotto.
Risotto is not ‘diet food’ (not just because it contains butter, it’s just not low in calories which is what I suspect you were aiming for), all foods can be eaten in a healthy balanced diet.
Cook for yourself.

4PawsGood · 14/06/2021 07:57

Are people missing that the husband cooks and the OP does everything else? That’s already really unbalanced. So if she cooks as well then then he’s doing nothing.

RampantIvy · 14/06/2021 08:16

@4PawsGood

Are people missing that the husband cooks and the OP does everything else? That’s already really unbalanced. So if she cooks as well then then he’s doing nothing.
They need to swap some of the chores around then.
altiara · 14/06/2021 08:26

I think the person cooking interprets recipes how they see fit.
Unless you specifically said use this recipe with no changes.

Blossomtoes · 14/06/2021 08:31

If you don’t like his cooking, perhaps you should learn. Good cooks tweak recipes all the time, that’s why cooking is an art not a science.

Sleepingdogs12 · 14/06/2021 08:35

The one who cooks gets to decide what we eat in this house. You can ask him before serving if he has added anything like extra cream , I couldn't be having back and forth conversations about options and recipes and everyone here is aware this is not a restaurant where they get to quibble about the food provided. Obviously I try to cater to likes dislikes as I don't want food thrown away and for people to enjoy what I cook. I think you need to cook more often.