To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

Because they had looked at the recipe and chosen recipe without a load of butter and cream.

Any food can be eaten while loosing weight, but by loading it with loads of butter then the OP couldn't eat the same qty of food, because per gram it is now much higher in calories.

Meals sound hard work in your house,

If someone cooks for you they can cook as they please. No criticism of the chef is allowed.

Risottos are finished by mixing in butter and cheese.
Fish risotto doesn't have cheese in it traditionally so it was perfectly fine not to add it.

My partner is a tweaker. He’s never followed a recipe to the letter and it’s almost always for the better. He’s trying to cook you a nice meal? I’m so confused by the sabotage thought process. I’d be so grateful and would just have smaller servings.

I read quite a few articles etc about nutrition, diet, health. There is a belief expressed in many of them that fat is better than sugar and starch in killing appetite and therefore, paradoxically might be better diet food. I have lost quite a lot of weight (6kg over several months) by avoiding sugar and lovely buns, cakes etc, and eating lots of vegetables in raw salads and cooked - even for breakfast. I was really not fond of vegetables since childhood, but eating lots of them has left me feeling better and craving the other stuff less.

Anyone who knows how to cook will tweak a meal to their own taste. Nobody follows a recipe to the letter unless they’re a complete beginner. Does he know you’re trying to lose weight? Because risotto really wouldn’t be a good choice for someone on a diet. When I’m trying to lose weight I cook for myself because it’s my responsibility to get my calories and macros right - not DH’s. If you’re not happy with how he cooks just make something for yourself?

Because risotto really wouldn’t be a good choice for someone on a diet.
I disagree. It would be fine without the extra butter and cheese!

Put together your own salad & add a small portion of whatever he has.

Fat is not the enemy

I made a very creamy pasta dish, it was richer than normal and we all automatically ate a bit less, as we were fuller quicker

Stop blaming DH, stop blaming butter. A bit more butter in a nice home cooked meal alone does not make you fat

If you want full calorie control, cook yourself

*diamondpony80
Anyone who knows how to cook will tweak a meal to their own taste. Nobody follows a recipe to the letter unless they’re a complete beginner. *

I completely agree.
If I look a a recipe I will get the gist of it and tweak to requirements.
I rarely follow a recipe to the letter.
I will add more/less garlic/chilli etc, add more mushrooms, or a different type if I have them in the fridge.
I am a confident and experienced cook though.
Going off piste too much is not for a beginner cook.

ChubbyLittleManInACampervan
Fat is not the enemy

Totally agree wit this too.
Refined carbohydrates- like white rice - is why we are getting fatter,
A diet high in veg, protein , fat and some unrefined carbs will help prevent obesity.

My oh is the same. He has no concept of reducing calories, cutting out fat, making healthy choices

This is why I like to do the meal planning and cooking. Otherwise I'd have every meal deep fat dried in butter

Neither cream or butter will spike your insulin so you would lose weight if you lived on butter and cream. They are not bad foods. Carbs are the foods that are keeping you fat.

Or what ChubbyLittleManInACamperVan said.

TBH, if I did all the cooking and tweaked it a little, and DH was ‘pissed off’ at me, I would suggest to him that he learnt how to cook, quickly, so that he could create his own perfect dishes. YABU.

I feel your pain OP - I don't have a gallbladder anymore and last week my DH 'tweaked' a pasta recipe to put about four times as much butter in it than previously which led to me throwing it all back up ten mins later as it hit my stomach and was refused...he was very apologetic but it didn't occur to him to think "can she eat that much butter" as he knows that I 'can' eat butter and have had some as in ingredient in that dish before (eg: I'm not lactose intolerant etc).

He does sound like he doesn't care about your health - you need a complete rethink - you should do your share of the cooking and he should share in all the other chores

If he wants butter and cheese why can’t he serve up yours then add the extra.
Does make me think he is sabotaging you.

Red flag - he’s a feeder

It was OP who suggested the risotto, now her DP is being branded a feeder.

Strewth!

How lovely to have someone cook all the meals. I would much rather do all the housework if someone else would cook.

Unless you have specifically told him that you would prefer to avoid cream and butter being added to meals, then I think you are over-reacting.

I'm not even sure that adding these ingredients is such a bad thing, provided it is your main meal and your breakfasts and lunches don't contain many calories - and you don't snack.

Men tend to tweak food though. I've someone buy a ready made pizza then spread it with fenugreek and pesto, and someone else smother a pizza with olive oil before cooking it.

Why? One was weird and the other was too oily.

Learn to cook or exercise more

Men tend to tweak food though.

I think you mean 'people tend to tweak food'.