To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

@AnnaMagnani

Butter totally belongs in a risotto. Cream cheese no. And fish risotto traditionally doesn't have cheese.

However aside from that you need a conversation about the fact that you are making a lifestyle change and can he please cook to accommodate that. Personally, as the cook, I find it easiest to do this low-carb by just making a meal and then doing a portion of potatoes/rice/pasta for DH but not me.

100% this^ Another thing that you want to consider is the temperature oils start to go rancid, the healthier ones are at low heats and once heat damaged (rancid), they become incredibly bad for you. Butter is far safer in this regard (or high temp resistant oils).

If you need a set calorie count for your food then you have to discuss that. And be prepared, he might ask you to cook.

I assume because he tastes as he goes along. Butter and cream cheese would have been added just before serving. Most likely he tasted it before he added them and found the dish lacking hence why he added them. Risotto is relatively time consuming to make and perhaps he did not want a bland meal after all his stirring.

Good grief. I tweak recipes all the time. I only stick religiously to the recipe where beaking's concerned, because baking relies on science. But main courses are tasted along the way, so they can be tweaked if necessary. Or I lack an ingredient so substitute with another, or just think a dash of something or other would improve it.

Obviously, if I was on a diet or cooking for someone who was, I wouldn't mess about. But tweaking of itself is absolutely fine, and I assume that most people do it. Otherwise there's precious little that's creative about cooking.

YABU and extremely ungrateful.

My DH does that!! I don’t say anything though as he loves cooking and his food is divine. It just feels really rude to expect him to cook most days and not to let him have autonomy over what ingredients to use! Yes if it were me I’d make it normal/healthy but it’s not me. So. I just eat a small amount of the modified recipes and eat lost of salad or veg with it

YABVVU. Only beginners follow recipes exactly. Unless he added something you don’t like and expressly told him not to he’s done nothing wrong. And you didn’t expressly tell him that you’re on a diet!

The number one skill for a health conscious person is cooking. If you’re really serious about this you should learn ( from your OP you clearly don’t know how)

My husband rarely follows a recipe when he cooks, so I’d struggle to moan that he’s deviated from it.

Not that it would occur to me to do so.

If you haven't told him you are wanting to eat more healthily and don't want to eat high fat food like cheese and butter, then you can't be angry at him.

You need to tell him this. Or if you want more control over what you eat then cook instead and your DH should do different jobs.

Just have a smaller portion and enjoy?

That’s a horrible comment.

@smallgoon

OP is fat. no chance they'll go for a smaller portion. They'll go full size and then moan that it was unhealthy (after they've eaten it all of course...).

Aren’t you up a little bit late?

I don't think you are being unreasonable.
He knows you are trying to loss weight. He has one job. And he's not supporting you in doing this.

I don't know wheren you go from here to be honest, but I'd be pissed off and having to pick more chores because he can't do the one job in the house.

Good cooks generally read a recipe and then adjust it to how they think it should be.

I do all the cooking and it can take a lot of energy trying to think about what someone else will or will not eat, especially of they are not clear.

@sillysmiles

I don't think you are being unreasonable. He knows you are trying to loss weight. He has one job. And he's not supporting you in doing this.

I don't know wheren you go from here to be honest, but I'd be pissed off and having to pick more chores because he can't do the one job in the house.

But the OP specifically asked for risotto. Risotto is not a diet food so how was the cook supposed to know that's what the OP was after?

You’re not fat because of eating rich risotto though, are you?

I have had two (ex)partners who have ballooned when living wih me.
Both blamed me for their weight increase. I enjoy cooking and spening time making meals was a pleasure.
Strange that I ate the same food and remained slim.
One partner wanted me to " support him" to make healthy low calorie meals, which I bent over backwards to do, but then noticed he would come home from work with his breath smelling of chocolate or have a few cans of beer while watching TV.

We are all responsible for what we put in our mouths. And unfair to expect others to pander to our failings.
OP cook separate meals if you don;t ike what your OH is cooking.

I agree risotto is not a diet food anyway, even without butter. Mostly carbs.

But I think it's usual to finish a rissotto with some butter. If you don't want butter, then maybe ask for a meal that doesn't ordinarily contain it.

Yabu when you don’t do any of the cooking

But I think it's usual to finish a rissotto with some butter. If you don't want butter, then maybe ask for a meal that doesn't ordinarily contain it.
Yes- or better still don't ask for a meal that is mostly white refined carbohydrates.
How is that helping with weight loss?
I think that is a bigger issue than the butter- a plate of food that is 95% starch.

I think it's rude to be angry at someone who has made you a nice meal, in this case I would have a small portion and just politely ask next time if he could make a "skinny version"

If you want to control what you eat you need to cook.

@MorganKitten

Cook your own food then

This.

If you don't like the way I drive, get out of my car. If you don't like what I cook, cook it yourself. You're not an infant are you?

If you’re serious about weight loss, and using calorie counting as part of your approach, it’s important IME to have control over your food . (Unless you have exceptional, active support from the person cooking).

Suggest a re jig of who does what at home.