To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

Have you actually COMMUNICATED that you're choosing a specific dish in order to know it's healthy and is low calorie? Cook for yourself if you want to know exactly what's going into it - and a risotto is not a good meal choice if you're aiming to lose weight anyway tbh.

It's very rare indeed that I follow any recipe to the letter. What does "trying to eat well" mean? In my mind that means avoiding ready meals, maybe processed meat. Not not putting whatever amount of butter I think correct (be that more or less than the recipe!) into a risotto. Obviously this would be different if someone is formally dieting. I'm overweight, but not currently dieting.

Risotto is never going to be diet food, sorry.

If you want your food a certain way you can cook it yourself.

Have you asked him not to add extra ingredients like that or does he need to work on his mind reading skills? Communicate.

The only way I could successfully lose weight was to prepare all my own food. That way I knew exactly what was in it and the quantities. Take charge of your food. It will be a lot easier.

@burritofan

Learn to cook.

This ^^. If you want to eat more healthily then why don't you cook healthy meals yourself?

Gordon Ramsay will tell you that butter is a chef's secret ingredient.

Unless you've explicitly told your partner you want lower fat meals or are trying to lose weight, how is he to know?

He may have seen it as just improving a dish. If he cooks a lot, he'll look at a recipe and know what would make it better - I do all the cooking and often add extra ingredients such as in your example.

I'd say give him the benefit of the doubt and say explicitly that you're calorie counting / cutting down on x y z. You could ask him about his meals and if it's not suitable for you, say you'll have a half portion with salad, or whatever. Be clear with what you will and won't eat. I agree with pp you can't tell him what to cook, but you can be clear about, well if you follow this recipe, I'm fine to eat it, but if you're making a full fat version, i'll get myself something else.

When I cook risotto, I taste it towards the end and adjust with more cheese, salt , pepper etc Does he know you want to lose weight? If not, he's just cooking to taste. It was only when I went on a diet that I realised the impact. A "glug" of olive oil could be anything from 100-300 calories if I didn't measure it out.

If you're concerned about your weight and don't feel you're being supported, take control and prepare the meal yourself. We have the odd disaster here, but it's no big deal. Something like cold salmon, salad and new potatoes is fairly easy and you can have as much or little as you want potato wise.

Could it be that he loves you and he accepts you the way you are?

@TimeForTeaAndG

So have you had a conversation with him about wanting to eat better and what that entails?

It's all very well wondering why he tweaks a recipe but most people who can cook will add extra, substitute ingredients to their own taste unless they have a specific reason not to.

Other option is you learn to cook.

But he did have a specific reason not to - his wife is trying to lose weight!

I’m finding all the ‘Just learn to cook’ comments a bit sneery. Have you all ignored the bit where the OP says she does everything else? If I was married I’d happily cook every meal for the rest of my life if it meant I never had to wash up or clean the kitchen.

If I were the chef and knew you were trying to loose a few kg, my tweaks would have been to reduce the calorific load, not increase it. I think you are within your rights to be a bit miffed.

If he knows you're trying to lose weight and he's ignoring it deliberately sabbotaging it that's horrendous. Is that what's happening though? I do tend to add butter and cream to recipes because it will taste nicer (none of us are overweight so it's not an issue). Does he just prefer it that way and decide that since he's the cook he decides on seasoning and extras. Have you told him explicitly that you want lower calorie dinners?

@StillCoughingandLaughing But he did have a specific reason not to - his wife is trying to lose weight!
OP didn't say that, she just said she's fat. If she hasn't even said here that she's trying to lose weight then what are the chances she told DH that?! He's not psychic.

If he were intentionally sabotaging OP's weight loss attempts by trying to sneak additional calories into meals then he wouldn't have voluntarily told OP that he added butter and cream cheese!

But risotto, whilst perfectly healthy as part of a balanced diet is never going to be diet food? It's supposed to have butter and cheese.

@XingMing

If I were the chef and knew you were trying to loose a few kg, my tweaks would have been to reduce the calorific load, not increase it. I think you are within your rights to be a bit miffed.

I agree with this. I’m surprised by the comments tbh. If you do everything else, surely your dh’s role is to cook you healthy food.

Does he know you're trying to eat healthy?

Why don’t you cook?
If I was your dp I’d be pissed off at you complaining about my cooking if I was the only one that did the cooking . It would get to the point that I wouldn’t cook for you at all

Heart attack in a plate... nice 😏

I never follow recipes to the letter, I tweak them to make them to my personal taste. If it's calories you are concerned with, does he know? He could take your portion out first (as I do with my vegetarian dd often)

Hmm, complicated.

I remember a friend of mine was convinced by her boyfriend to chop off her long, curly black hair. She looked like the woman from Wallace and Gromit afterwards with the triangle cut.

Why did he convince her and why did she do it? Who knows.

I’m finding all the ‘Just learn to cook’ comments a bit sneery. Have you all ignored the bit where the OP says she does everything else? If I was married I’d happily cook every meal for the rest of my life if it meant I never had to wash up or clean the kitchen
In this situation it's irrelevant if she does everything else because the issue is complaining about what someone else is doing that she won't so.
It would be similar to seeing someone load the dishwasher, but complain it wasn't stacked your way. See your partner cleaning up and then complain that although they've used perfectly adequate cleaning products, you wanted the floral Zoflora in the living area.
If someone wanted to complain that they're unhappy with the meals I cook every night, they'd be given an apron and told to sort themselves out whilst I did something else.

Wow, so many posters going on about how bad the OP's DP is for sabotaging a diet that we don't actually know exists.

Cook your own food then