To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

Sorry all, no reverse, and no exciting drip feed! I have recently started exercising (which he has seen) and trying to eat healthier, he knows this but maybe just hasn't realised I mean it as a long term change. Haven't exercised in last 3 days as has been too damn hot, maybe he thought I was off the wagon already.

To the PP who mentioned Gordon Ramsey, he watches him and James Martin too much, I definitely hold them accountable!

The risotto had no cheese in it apart from some gran pedano, sauce was all stock so for a Saturday night I thought that was a nice enough "treat" meal.

Totally off piste but can you link the risotto recipe? I've been craving fish risotto

@godmum56

I sense a drip feed here.....

Indeedy.

somebody wake me up when it happens..

If I were you I'd start making my own meals and DP would have to do more around the house

Why did he show you the recipe? Does he always do that?

When you're trying to lose weight (I've been doing so for the last few months, all going well) your portion size is important too. So if he's making a meal with extra butter, cream etc, how about a smaller portion with a bit of salad on the side? That's what I do if we decide to have something that's quite hearty. I'm losing weight, DH is building muscle so where I'm very concerned with not eating over a certain amount of calories, he doesn't have the same concern.
The other alternative is cook yours separately and make your own meals for the week and maybe have something nice together at the weekend.

Learn to cook then. It’s not difficult.

Do the cooking yourself

Heart attack in a plate... nice

It is, actually. And most people manage not to have a heart attack after some.

I’m with you, I hate it when my DP cooks with loads of oil or butter when he knows I’m trying to lose weight.
Why don’t you just tell him you want diet food?

No one ever lost weight eating risotto, no matter what the recipe.

I get why you'd be cross if you'd asked him to make you a nice green salad with grilled chicken and he made you risotto loaded with cheese.

Cook yourself OP.

Don’t eat diet food ! Just have what he cooks and leave a third of it. Best of both worlds

Most people tweak recipes.

Also unless you had a very tiny portion, or it was the only proper meal of the day, risotto is far too carb heavy to remain in a calorie deficit.

Don’t eat diet food ! Just have what he cooks and leave a third of it. Best of both worlds

Is it?

The amount of food we waste is obscene. Why leave one third if you can just put one third less on your plate?

If I went out of my way to cook for someone and they complained about it, I'd not cook for them again.

Why can't you cook your own meals?

Yanbu - aside from anything else, butter and cream cheese do not belong in risotto! Toast the rice with olive oil and if you make it properly, stirring constantly, the creaminess comes from the starch of the rice not from adding cream or cream cheese.

I don't think he's wrong to tweak the recipe if you haven't mentioned you are dieting, as a good cook likes to tweak recipes. I would talk it over and see if he will agree to cook some diet friendly recipes, which he might be, esp if you make it clear what you want and it's no harder than normal for him. You could get him to make double portions of things that freeze well and then if he wants something high calorie himself he can just reheat you one of the frozen meals. Maybe try the hairy dieters books for good calorie controlled recipes that are interesting enough for foodies.

@worriedaboutN

Don’t eat diet food ! Just have what he cooks and leave a third of it. Best of both worlds

No not really. Far better to do that occasionally if you really want something but the majority of the time get into the habit of having at least semi dense/low cal food. Instead of risotto and fish for example, fish with veg, rice and a tomato based sauce would be better. A good mixture of different food groups, could have a decent size portion for the calories, and would taste good!

You can actually lose weight while eating risotto sometimes. I’ve done it! If you’re using more calories than you take in, then it doesn’t matter if those calories come from risotto or from a load of Wright Watchers wafers, your body doesn’t care.

What you probably can’t do is lose weight if you’re taking in far more calories than you realise. So if you’re doing calorie counting and he’s offered to cook, you need to be really clear with him that you’d like him to stick to that exact recipe or at least tell you if he’s added stuff before you start eating it.

@SimonJT

Most people tweak recipes.

Also unless you had a very tiny portion, or it was the only proper meal of the day, risotto is far too carb heavy to remain in a calorie deficit.

What? Carbs and calories are not the same thing nor are carb heavy foods higher in calories. Calories per 100g dry arborio rice = 118, calories per 100g uncooked chicken breast = 137.

When we (in our sixties) decide that we need to shed a few kilos, we tend to eliminate the carbs... We substitute green veg as a base for the sauce we'd normally have with pasta or rice. I agree it helps erase the pain that I only like bread and pasta carbs but DH grew up eating rice as his staple. It's much easier in summer than winter.

Risottos are finished by mixing in butter and cheese. The cream cheese is a bit weird, but I would always add butter at the end of cooking a risotto, regardless of what the recipe said.
I don’t really see what your DP has done wrong. I know you think that it might have tasted just as good without it, but butter makes everything taste nicer. Maybe just ask in future what is in the dish before eating so that you can adjust your portion size if there’s extra butter/oil/cheese compared to the recipe. The other option is to cook more yourself.

I'm not fat, but I'm small + do lots of exercise and my DH has to be told explicitly in no uncertain terms when I'm watching my food intake either for calorie control or to support training for an event. He's a 6' bloke and he just doesn't get it that being 'a bit off' eyeballing something I would weigh (butter, cheese, oil etc.) would quite quickly result in weight gain for me, whereas 200kcal here or there is nothing for him. Are you logging these recipes somewhere and if so have you been explicit that you are using the recipes as part of a calorie controlled diet? If you haven't, YABU.

TBH even if you have been, I'd feel a bit restricted if I was doing all cooking for both of us and the calories / macros / whatever had to be run past the person doing no cooking. We share the cooking and while we most often have the same evening meal, will quite frequently do something a bit different for other meals as we have different needs & tastes.

I'm trying to lose weight, a LOT of weight, hence the name and if I asked my partner to cook a 'healthier' meal, I can probably bet that it wouldn't be and would probably be worse than what I'd cook. He's thin and eats what he wants, I don't think he fully gets it and I don't really expect him too. Hence I do most of the cooking or we just do our own sometimes