To not expect meals to be "tweaked"?

[StartingGrid]

I should preface this by saying I'm fat, and don't cook. The arrangement is DP cooks, I do most everything else. He will ask me for suggestions as to what I'd like, and like today if not following a book or tried and tested recipe will google one.

I suggested a fish risotto, he sent me a link, all fine. We then sit down to eat and after I said it was lovely, he said he'd added extra butter and cream cheese. I'm seriously pissed off as he keeps doing this, what is the point in trying to eat well if he just sabotages it. His argument is it tastes better, but how could he know it wouldn't have tasted just as good had he stuck to the agreed recipe?

I do actually get the frustration when you are trying to lose weight and others aren't (My exdh was the king of sabotage) .

That said its a basic rule that if you choose to eat outside the whole group its on you to make the adjustment. I fully get you do everything else but it would be like your DH then saying he specifically wanted a certain pattern hoovered into the carpet and being annoyed when you didn't.

It's hard I really get it when you are losing weight. I lost 8 Stone nearly 3 years ago and it was eating very differently to everyone else. I still do mostly to maintain (it also supports my health in a massive way as I have had issues there ) so whilst DP would happily cook for me I don't eat the same as everyone else so I cook mine.

It's just one of those things , you can't really complain at him but I do honestly get the frustration.

The risotto had no cheese in it apart from some gran pedano

Eh? So it DID have cheese in it

@NewlyGranny

Sabotage. He wants you to be fat. The question is, why?

That's a bit of a leap, how ridiculous!

I regularly "tweek" as I cook. I can't remember when was the last time I actually followed a recipe.
In here it goes "This looks good? Should we have that?" Which means "something like that".

Then i go, cook, keep tasting and add stuff as I fancy. That's just normal cooking

Why don't you ask him to serve yours first, then tweak his afterwards?
Risotto is better with added butter, which is obviously what your DP prefers!!!!

Agree, he is just adding ingredients to add flavour, they just happen to be high fat. Definitely think you should explicitly say you want yours to be healthy, so he can dish yours up first before adding flavour.

Whats the reason you don't cook?

Well it was still healthy...
There is a difference between healthy and diet food

If you don’t like the way he cooks or what he cooks, cook for yourself

I agree. Why shouldn't he be able to tweak meals if he wants to? He's the one doing the cooking, it's not up to you to make demands.

DH is trying to lose weight and be a bit healthier. I still add extra butter and other tasty things to our food as he's not explicitly asked me not to and I think it would be a bit presumptuous of me to assume that he wants "diet" food. You could always take a smaller portion next time?

I tweak by adding extra of stuff but also, at DH's request, do smaller portion sizes. I do find tweaking recipes necessary, they tend to be a little bland if you don't.

All confident cooks tweak recipes all the time, he’s not a robot, so on that you’re being unreasonable.

And a risotto has tons of carbs in it, so it was never going to be a dish to help you lose weight, so that’s also unreasonable. You could suggest he cooks meals that have carbs on the side, and then you don’t have any of the carbs or have a much smaller portion. Then you have more control over what you’re eating without being ungrateful to the person who cooks for you. Things like spaghetti Bolognese, you could have courgetti or cauliflower rice instead of spaghetti and your meal would be massively lower calorie than his but be just -almost- as nice. You can get them pre prepared to microwave if neither of you wants the faff of making them.

YABVU. Firstly, if you want him to cook according to your diet, you need to actually inform him that you're on one, and explain what kind of things you want him to avoid, rather than assume he'll some how read your mind.

Secondly, good home cooks have no need to slavishly follow recipes. Dh and I are both good cooks. A lot of the time we don't use recipes at all, and when we do use recipes we adapt them according to the ingredients we have and according to our taste. That is a totally normal thing to do.

Oh and risotto is usually full of butter and often cheese. It's very much not a diet food.

Oh and risotto is usually full of butter and often cheese.
Maybe British risottos are but traditionally they have a little butter (or just olive oil) and non-fatty cheese e.g. parmesan. Fish risotto doesn't have cheese in it at all. You can't really blame the risotto for someone ruining it with loads of butter and soft cheese!

Can you not just learn to cook? Instead of projecting, why are you really angry?- I don't understand why you would get mad at him tweaking a meal.

Risotto is a perfectly acceptable food, as are most things. It’s down to portion size. A regular portion is less than 450 calories, add a salad or even better some veg, and you have less than half your days calories. But no, don’t add butter and cream cheese. Totally unnecessary, risotto is naturally quite creamy in texture. If her husbands cooks and she does most other stuff, why would she cook as well. He just needs to follow the recipe.

Wow, a lot of replies here! Have read and appreciate every one (even the troll post that got deleted, reading it quoted made ne chuckle like Muttley), it's definitely given me some perspective.

I didn't moan at him as I'm not a complete cow (just mostly), but a lot of you are right and I need to take more responsibility and communicate better. I also shouldn't project my personal frustration onto him, I was fat before he discovered a love of cooking, just because I haven't had the motivation to exercise in this heat isn't his fault.

To the PP who asked for the recipe, I'll have a look for the link, obviously yours may differ from the one I had

Passive aggressive behaviour... He objects to having to cook so changes things. Learn to cook... Follow the recipe you want and he can do the housework you do now. Then see if his behaviour changes. Bet it does.!

Imagine taking six days to come up with that valuable addition to a thread

@Mirw HOW is he being passive? Why are you encouraging mind games? Bit of a silly comment..