Neighbour complaining about noise

[YoureGoingToHateMe]

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Tell the daft twat to fill her boots.

I'd say she can do one, you could be in your garden all day if you wanted. Pretty sure child noise doesn't count as noise nuisance and council would tell her to do one as well.

From your pic, I can't imagine it's that loud. Tiny neighbouring terrace gardens maybe, but plenty of space on yours.

If you buy a house near another one, you get neighbours.

I can understand her getting annoyed if she didn't know the reason why your son sings a lot but her response after you explained was completely insensitive.
The times of day and lengths of time your DCs are out for sound completely fine to me.

I'd tell her to bog off. She is utterly unreasonable based on what you've described as your garden usage. They're kids, it's summer and if she wanted total peace then buying by neighbours was silly. I can't imagine her recording or reporting will get her anywhere. Make sure you take note if there's any video recording though as that would not be acceptable of course. Enjoy your beatiful garden. I'm sure she can get headphones for the TV if she's really struggling.

Honestly I can see how that would be really annoying esp as it looks like if they're in the garden it's next to her house. Generally once you hear aj annoying noise once it's hard to drown it out. However, she is being absolutely out of order and a noise diary will get her nowhere with this, esp given your son's difficulties. However annoying your kids are, they are allowed to use their garden in a reasonable manner. There are much worse neighbours to be had than your kids and I fear she is one of those neighbours that's awful.
Please just keep an eye out on your fence line as some of these miserable sods sometimes throw or even spray water on people (our neighbour used to throw rocks at our cat and spray water on us!).

Op there's only one solution you need to bring a speaker out to the garden to play the backing music and have all the family join in!

No but seriously if she doesn't like the noise she should sell both homes and move to an island somewhere. Let your child sing its day time, like it or not kids can be noisy when playing and thats just part and parcel of life.

Kids playing in their own garden, even noisily, is not something the council will take action over. Especially when the noisiest child is noisy due to disabilities.

Tell her to crack on! What are the council going to do? Tell you your child with additional needs must be kept inside!?

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

Does your son only sing if you aren't in the garden? What does he do if you are there too? Does anything distract him to not sing?

45mins isn't that long (it could be ALL day!), but loud and repetitive singing from anyone- adult or child would drive me bonkers! Our previous neighbours used to let their kids scream and use a leaf blower after dinner every night and it drove me insane. I couldnt enjoy my own garden in peace, or my own meal. I agree that the neighbour should be more understanding given the circumstances. best of luck with the diagnosis x

She sounds awful. She can always go back to her other house if it bothers her that much.

Let her make her noise diary. If she keeps bothering you I'd tell her you'll pursue harrassment charges.

I didn't even read till the end because your kid is allowed to play in their garden in the day.
let her report the noise. they won't do anything- you are allowed to have your own children play in the garden

DH and I (both autistic adults) had neighbour trouble over the long lockdowns. Yes, autism is lifelong and stimming and occasional meltdowns do continue into adulthood. I completely sympathise, OP.

By the sounds of things, your DS is not doing anything wrong. I don't imagine that the local council will be too interested in a child singing. If he was older and playing loud music at unsociable hours or vandalising other people's property, then I could see this person's point. To object to a little kid having a stim and a singsong in his own garden, though? Well, she'll only make herself look stupid if she complains about that.

I do understand your position, though. It'a awful feeling like you're being monitored in this way in your own home - the one place where you should be free to be yourself.

I can't imagine the council will do anything about kids playing in their own garden during the day. The neighbours whose garden is directly behind my terraced house have loud children. Occasionally screaming, mostly shouting, singing and generally excited to be out in the garden on a rare sunny day. I can hear them if the when the back doors are open but not to the point that I can't hear my tv or my DH and we're much closer.

((Hug))

Ignore her. If she bothers you again, say 'As I have already explained to you, DS is deaf & autistic. The kids aren't allowed out before 10 or after 7 and not for hours on end. I'm sorry if it annoys you, but it is what it is. 🤷🏻‍♀️
so I think we're done here ' and close the door!!

You're doing all those things and that's as reasonable as you need to be!

My neighbours DD is 8, she screams as though she's being tortured When they first moved in I wondered if I was being awful NOT reporting her mum. She screams no mummy noooo & I won't I promise I won't' and that type of thing I worried about what to do a LOT but I got to know them and she has ASD and is exhausting

Kids over the back (several gardens) are full on in various ways - no indication of SEN (that's not to say there isn't any obviously) just noisy!!!

She's being a bitch and needs telling to piss off!

@gamerchick

Tell the daft twat to fill her boots.

As ever, @gamerchick has the best advice.

That's so bad! Why are people so miserable? The noise recording would only be taken seriously if it was noise they can hear within their house from within your house or at unsociable hours. I'm pretty sure the council would have to install a noise box themselves to take action.

It's unfair that you have to walk on eggshells. Do ignore her if you can and make note of all her complaints and when, as it could lead to harassment.

I went through this in my first flat with a nasty old bat downstairs. She constantly complained of noise even though I was scared to even turn the bathroom light on at night! She complained to the management company that I was violating section something-or-other. So I sent evidence of her continued harassment in breach of the 'causing a nuisance' section. She sold up and moved!

And 'the whole summer'?

Tell her we're only on day 8 of meteorological summer.

You need to tell your part-time neighbour to jog on.

My neighbour has three children and I hear them playing in the garden. If they have friends over the noise levels goes up, that's life.

I could understand your neighbour's frustration if your children were shrieking from dawn to dusk but they aren't and your children are entitled to use their own garden.

Fuck sake! My parents have an adult neighbour who is partially deaf and has a brain injury and he can be really loud (non-verbal guttural sounds). None of us would dream of suggesting he stay inside - it really isn’t harming anyone and gardens are for homeowners to enjoy.

It’s your family home. You and your family have every right to a normal enjoyment. Children make noise.
I don’t think she has a leg to stand on. Let her make her diaries.

She should have bought a house further away from any neighbours.

Now you can no longer be surprised by her I would laugh in her face and be merrily rude. What a ridiculous woman. My friend used to loan out the noise recording equipment and and deal with nuisance neighbours. They couldn’t stand people like this and quite enjoyed putting them straight. Bad neighbours can be hellish - but that’s her role not yours.

You should take no notice, any complaints she might make won’t get anywhere. I can understand why it’s upsetting, though.

I mean, I understand why you’re finding it upsetting, especially if you’re someone who doesn’t like confrontation and wants to get on with your neighbours. (As I am.)

That’s rather tough... for her.

I voted YANBU due to her reaction after you explained.