Neighbour complaining about noise

[YoureGoingToHateMe]

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Perhaps introduce him to star wars so he can vary the tune

I disagree. She seems to expect to have things on her terms for the time she's there - presumably more during the summer months which everybody wants to make the most of, not just her, and then the people who are still there the rest of the year can have whatever she's happy to leave them with. It's a bit like telling somebody that you must share an umbrella and you will get it on the days when it rains, but they can have it all the rest of the time.

that makes absolutely no sense.

Why would anyone complaint about noise when they are not physically there? confused

You could complain about someone trespassing or damaging your property, but noise? Ridiculous, who would?

Of course I'm not saying that she would care about noise when she isn't there, but that she seems to have the idea that this is her special holiday home, that she's using when she can during the nice weather months.

Maybe she's thinking that 'all she's asking' is for some peace during the limited time that she's there - even though that time happens to (obviously) coincide with the good weather - and school holidays - for everybody.

Similar (well, sort of reverse) scenario to when some parents think they should get all of the school holidays off as annual leave, as their colleagues without children 'have all the rest of the year that they can go on holiday', conveniently ignoring the fact that the weather is likely to be much worse during most of term time.

Surely most people have heard of the concept of children - and of most other people wanting to enjoy their gardens in ways that might not be completely silent?

Why don't people check the area and the neighbourhood before choosing which house will most suit their needs and preferences? It would be like a vegan actively choosing to go for a meal at a 'Bob's 100% Steakhouse' and then being surprised and upset when it turns out to be wholly unsuitable for them - when there are plenty of other restaurants that would fit the bill.

There are some pretty villages under the main flight path of Heathrow - why not tell her to buy a holiday home in one of those instead and, if she finds that she doesn't like the noise of the planes overhead, simply ask them to suspend all flights for 16 weeks a year....

@LST asked

What do you suggest then?

I suggest that none of us should be too noisy, outside. For example if my dog barks I bring her in. Give and take for me means being considerate to others but also not getting too upset with some noise from children playing. It’s all to do with the amount of noise.

lightswitchesoffatnight what would you suggest I do in my situation though? Am I expected to bring dc in every time he starts making noise or is it allowed for X amount of time during the day?

Yes

Absolutely tell her to do one. If she doesn’t like it she can holiday elsewhere.

Sorry op. Some people are selfish.

Are second home owners expected to put up with noise more than a single home owner?

Are second home owners expected to put up with noise more than a single home owner?

Nope, but they can't expect silence from first home owners because they've gone to their "get away"!

I'm a second home owner and don't expect silence because it's me getaway.

Tell her to stick it up her arse OP. The council will tell her to do the same.

She can fuck all the way off.

I wrote a big long reply detailing why, but then decided that was the only important bit.

The only reason I mentioned that she was a second home owner is because she was claiming it had gone on for months everyday but she hasn’t been here and that she actively chose a second home in a very built up, noisy area.

I don’t expect her to put up with it because shes a second home owner.

@MintyMabel

Are second home owners expected to put up with noise more than a single home owner?

Yes.

Tell her to carry on and call the council. She will get nowhere with them.

Am I expected to bring dc in every time he starts making noise or is it allowed for X amount of time during the day?

well no, but loud singing on a loop for 45 minutes, is annoying, so acknowleding that, yes, it is annoying, and yes, you're trying to teach DS that it's annoying and to be aware of that but it's a long process, will go a long way, i suspect, to placating the neighbour without having to keep your DS inside.

@Brefugee

Am I expected to bring dc in every time he starts making noise or is it allowed for X amount of time during the day?

well no, but loud singing on a loop for 45 minutes, is annoying, so acknowleding that, yes, it is annoying, and yes, you're trying to teach DS that it's annoying and to be aware of that but it's a long process, will go a long way, i suspect, to placating the neighbour without having to keep your DS inside.

^ this

well no, but loud singing on a loop for 45 minutes, is annoying, so acknowleding that, yes, it is annoying, and yes, you're trying to teach DS that it's annoying and to be aware of that but it's a long process, will go a long way, i suspect, to placating the neighbour without having to keep your DS inside

Out of interest, how did you manage that with your child with additional needs? I'd be happy to listen to your method, mine still does the verbal stuff on a loop at 14.

well no, but loud singing on a loop for 45 minutes, is annoying, so acknowleding that, yes, it is annoying, and yes, you're trying to teach DS that it's annoying and to be aware of that but it's a long process, will go a long way, i suspect, to placating the neighbour without having to keep your DS inside

Can I get some tips on this.
I have a 28 year old and 15 year old who still does the loop and screams just because.

Let the CF go and make her wee noise diary and when she does, the council will tell her to do one.
If you're keeping her up all night that's one thing, but to complain about kids making noise playing outside at 6pm is a joke. If she can't hear the radio or TV, she can turn it up or get a fan.
She sounds like an absolute dose.

Lots of things are annoying though aren't they? I have a low tolerance for things being annoying and it would probably irritate me too, but having been told the reason why I would accept that it could be much worse and having neighbours will mean noise.

Lots of people on MN seem to think that everyone should operate in hushed tones. We should never hear a peep of anyone's music, conversations, home improvements... It's really not realistic to expect people to walk on eggshells in case a neighbour becomes aware of their existence during normal daylight hours.

If it's Pirates of Caribbean he's humming then I'd probably join in to be fair

I'd much rather live next door to a bush slaying, singing child than a weed smoking drummer or the woman who used to drop all her cigarette butts in my garden 😠
If he's not actually causing any damage or being rude or unpleasant then it seems mean to be so outraged.

People are so intolerant..,, it’s a small child who is playing in his garden. I’d say as long as he’s not screeching or screaming it’s fine and within the bounds of ‘normal noise’. She needs to get a grip. Let her do her ridiculous noise diary and tell the council about the deaf child playing out and signing a bit 🤷‍♀️

Am I expected to bring dc in every time he starts making noise or is it allowed for X amount of time during the day?

I’d bring him in when the volume rises above a certain level. Or sit out there with them so you can monitor the noise.

Otherwise how will he learn what an acceptable volume for the garden is?

People complain about children left outside in the garden to screech, shout and scream in play, I don’t think loud singing on a loop is very different.

Imagine if next door had a dog that was allowed to bark loudly and continuously for 45 minutes a day, or played the same song on max volume, how would you feel?

Maybe the neighbour likes sitting outside with a glass of wine or meal at that time, or has friends over, or is working or trying to take a call.

rattlesnakes he can’t learn what an acceptable volume is as he’s partially deaf - there is simply a volume he can hear and a volume he can’t. I’m hoping this will change in the future if he becomes more accepting of hearing aids and I get some help with his possible ASD or whatever else it is that is the cause of his repetitive behaviours. I live with him all the time and even when it is not the singing everything he says is top volume as that’s all he can hear. I promise you I have been trying to teach him as best as I can as it’s not enjoyable for me either.

Honestly op there is no problem here. If your neighbour can’t enjoy her moment of garden silence it makes not a bit of difference whether it’s a jet washer or a lawn mower of your boy. It’s just life.