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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour complaining about noise

281 replies

YoureGoingToHateMe · 08/06/2021 23:06

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

Neighbour complaining about noise
OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 09/06/2021 06:48

Let your kids play outside, she's being precious. If she wanted dead silence she should've bought her second home in the middle of nowhere...what a cow.

thepeopleversuswork · 09/06/2021 06:51

You have my sympathy: I have a neighbour who basically is on a mission to get me about everything and is endlessly complaining to the council and the freeholder of my property about everything. It's exhausting.

I'm on the point of reporting her to the police for harassment as I'm not prepared to be endlessly told what to do by a virtual stranger. Would you consider this?

Dashel · 09/06/2021 06:54

Noise really bothers me so I moved so there isn’t another house within 1.5 miles of me. It’s my issue and I’m the unreasonable one as most people like the sound of children playing and every day life.

I think if anything you are being to restrictive on your dc and could let them outside more.

Phillipa12 · 09/06/2021 06:56

My oldest dc is partially deaf and yes when he's in the garden minus his hearing aids he is rather loud, but even then its not loud enough to warrant a noise complaint, actually the neighbours toddler from 3 doors down can be more vocal! Your neighbour is being ridiculous, general noise from children playing outside is perfectly normal, let her complain to the council she won't get anywhere.

Clymene · 09/06/2021 06:59

Please don't worry and let your children play outdoors as much as they like. Goodness knows we have few enough nice days in this country.

I'm sure the council will laugh in her face if she reports a disabled little boy for being noisy. Actually I hope they tell her that her behaviour is bordering on harassment.

updownroundandround · 09/06/2021 07:00

Tell her it's summer and they are children ffs !

If she doesn't like it then tough shit !

Does she really expect you to keep your DC indoors in the summer heat, just so that she can enjoy her garden ??

I'd argue with her that it is an unethical request, and so NO, you will NOT be keeping 3 DC inside your house in the heat of the summer, to facilitate one persons 'enjoyment' of their garden !

She's just a CF !

Disfordarkchocolate · 09/06/2021 07:08

If you're being accurate here then that's absolutely fine. We have a young child near us that's a screamer/squealer, not related to any condition it's just what they do when they're playing outside and running around having fun. It's fairly annoying but it's a perfectly normal noise to hear for a few hours a day. It's actually getting a bit better now they are old enough to friends around to play.

I would keep my own noise diary and make a few recordings too. She sounds like she is going to complain.

Billandben444 · 09/06/2021 07:10

Any loud repetitive noise for 45 mins can be highly irritating and presumably this is her second home to escape the stresses (and irritating noises) where she usually lives so is doubly sensitive. There are two issues here - your children being excessively noisy (and irritating to her) in their own garden at a reasonable time of the day: and that you feel you can't let your children out so you are no longer comfortable in your (only) home. The first is easier to deal with than the second - let them play and enjoy themselves in their own garden, she can always plant a quick-growing noise barrier. Feeling tense and uncomfortable about your neighbour is harder to resolve but I'd suggest you put all thoughts of official action out of your mind (it won't happen and she's a bully if she says it again) and concentrate on your own little family. It sounds as though she 'had a little moment' and may even be regretting it now the reason for the noise has sunk in but she is the one responsible for how she reacts, not you and she may even decide to spend less time there. I hope you get the diagnosis you're looking for and have a lovely summer 🌞

Rexasaurus · 09/06/2021 07:19

She’s basically saying your kids can’t enjoy their own garden.

Good advice re keeping your own diary of when they’re out/own recordings.

Speaking to the council yourself might also help give you some peace of mind if she does come round again.

I have 2 autistic kids, one with hearing issues so I know where you’re coming from.

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/06/2021 07:25

she sounds awful, ignore her op

AbsolutelyPatsy · 09/06/2021 07:26

join in with the singing, invite the choir round

Brefugee · 09/06/2021 07:26

Kids should be allowed to play in the garden and make reasonable noise. However, if he is really loud and singing the same thing over and over and it is annoying her, knowing he's deaf/potentially autistic doesn't help her.

So is there any way he can do that somewhere further from her house?

Pinkypink · 09/06/2021 07:29

Your neighbour would love mine. You have my full sympathy.
Even though mine shout terrible things at my kids (because a garden is not for playing and shouting in that's what the park is for!) I still feel horrible that we are bothering them and that they clearly hate us.
In fantasy land I would deliver her a parcel containing a personalised noise diary (decorated as you see fit), the soundtrack to pirates of the Caribbean and perhaps a mug with world's greatest neighbour on it.

MrsBongiovi · 09/06/2021 07:31

Ignore her completely from now on. Let her report, nothing will come of it, he’s a child playing.

maddening · 09/06/2021 07:33

She can keep whatever noise diaries she likes, let her complain away, I can assure you that environmental health will tell her that there is no case.

If she does go to environmental health you will get a letter but just carry on as normal. The letter is something they have to send before they investigate, but your noise is normal.living noise, you are doing nothing wrong.

Richter235 · 09/06/2021 07:37

This is tricky. I know every child a blessing and all that, but someone else’s noise is a sapper of joy in life. I don’t believe anyone on here would truly relish living next door to it, though I agree it’s pointless to complain because what can OP do about it in any case.

BackBeatTheWordisOnTheStreet · 09/06/2021 07:42

I do think it's fair that people without children have some peaceful time in their gardens, I always have mine come in or play quietly after about 6 or 7pm and discourage pointless noise (i.e. screaching) the rest of the time. I also wouldn't spend all day every day outside even in the summer. I think that makes me very considerate and if a neighbour asked me to do more (e.g. bring my child in after 45 minutes) I'd tell them politely to do one.

Redbottle · 09/06/2021 07:43

I'd attempt to prevent stress whenever you use the garden by checking with the council and a disability charity yourself. Maybe also speak to the other neighbours. Then put it in writing in case you ever need a paper trail. Something like,

'Dear neighbour, further to your complaint on X date about our disabled child singing in the garden, I have taken advice from X at X council and X at X charity. Whilst I understand that you find the singing irritating, it is well within the acceptable boundaries of living in a built up area. In fact, although our children only use the garden between X and X time, any similar noise between X and X time would be allowable. Our mutual neighbours have expressed no concern. Please do contact X at the council or X at X charity if you have any further questions. Kind regards, '

BathwaterBaby · 09/06/2021 07:49

Maybe they need to play in the garden more so she can acclimatise. Ignore her she's a twat.

Emmylou1985 · 09/06/2021 07:53

DS has ADHD and is currently awaiting testing for ASC. And I won't deny that he is loud, constantly singing. I am forever telling him to keep the noise down. But his brain isn't wired that way and he can't help it. We've lived in our terraced house for 8 years. A few years back, a couple moved in (in case it matters to anyone, I'm a single mother in my 30's, they're in their 50's. I think it matters because the maturity level of the behaviour I'm about to explain may sound as though they are much younger) next door. Not long after, the woman would be screaming and banging any time DS made noise. It all came to a head last year and we had a row on the front (v. embarrassing) and they said they were reporting me to the council. I told them to go ahead, because harassment is a crime and I would be involving the police. I think they thought it was a threat, until the police showed up at their door the next day. The bloke spoke to them at the door and said the woman wasn't home. She was, I'd literally just heard her and she never really leaves the house. They were told under no circumstances were they to continue disrupting our lives with the banging and screaming and if they did continue the police would seek and ASBO for them. I now live in constant anxiety that they're going to do it again and am constantly begging DS to keep the noise down. It's a horrible feeling. For context, I'm a great neighbour. No parties, the only visitors we get are my parents and DS' dad and sister, and I very rarely play music, which is always at a low volume and never past 6pm. I'm very boring.

WitchDancer · 09/06/2021 07:54

Are there other neighbours with children playing in the garden at different times to yours? Maybe she's thinking all the noise comes from yours. Not that it would make any difference, you are doing nothing wrong from what you have told us.

BusyLizzie61 · 09/06/2021 07:54

@YoureGoingToHateMe

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website Let her, child noise is not counted for such complaints.
Emmylou1985 · 09/06/2021 07:55

An*

DancesWithTortoises · 09/06/2021 07:56

I can understand why she's upset. The relentless repetition would annoy me as well. It did when my DCs got a tune in their heads and sang it constantly.

If there is a way you can lessen the impact on her then I think you should try. It must have reached a peak for her to talk to you about it. If she says she can't hear the TV then why doubt her word? I couldn't hear ours when next doors' kids were shrieking on the trampoline.

I agree she should be more sympathetic but she seems to be at the end of her tether.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/06/2021 07:57

Nah-you’re all good. She’s being a knob. Let your kids enjoy life and your garden. You’re now prepared if she comes again and can just tell her that no, you won’t be keeping the children inside on a lovely day and no, you won’t be policing their playing as they and you have a right to enjoy your garden. I’d also say-please do complain to the council about children playing in their own garden because I’d love someone else to laugh at your suggestion just as much as we have. Good day to you madam...

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