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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Neighbour complaining about noise

281 replies

YoureGoingToHateMe · 08/06/2021 23:06

I have 2dc - 5yo and 8yo - and today a neighbour came over to ask me to take them inside as they were making too much noise. It was at about 6pm and they’d been playing outside for no more than 45 minutes. Dc2 is partially deaf and is currently being assessed for autism. He sings constantly, not screaming but it is loud and it’s repetitive. Generally it’s the theme from Pirates of the Caribbean while he’s in the garden, occasionally other similar tunes but always the same tune once he has started iyswim.

Neighbour claims it has been going on for hours (it hadn’t, it was definitely around 45 minutes, that she is unable to open the windows in her house as it means she can’t hear her tv/ radio: husband talking and that it had been going on all summer, she just couldn’t stand it anymore and unless I did something about it she would be reporting me to the council.

This neighbour is a second home owner, she only came down around a month ago and is generally here 3-4 days a week. Both our gardens are fairly large and have tress planted down the side. I’ve hopefully attached a diagram as it’s hard to explain that she’s not our direct neighbour but also is, if that makes any sense at all.

I don’t doubt she can hear him while she is in the garden but there is absolutely no way the noise is drowning out her tv etc as she’s claiming. It’s also only been going on for the last couple of weeks as the weather has been so awful lately that we’ve barely been in the garden anyway. The most we’re ever in the garden is a couple of hours a day and most of that time I’ll be out there with them anyway and when I’m there I always make sure dc2 is keeping noise down and distract him from his otherwise constant singing. For the last couple of weeks they’ve been going out for half an hour or so after tea while I’m inside clearing up. It’s never later than 7pm and never before about 10 in the morning.

I explained to her that dc2 was partially deaf and being assessed for autism. She said that’s not her problem (fair enough but I was just trying to explain why he does it) and that next time she heard it she would be recording it and making a noise diary as she had seen suggested on the council website.

AIBU to let dc play in the garden despite knowing how much noise dc2 makes while I’m inside?

TL:DR neighbour expects me to keep my admittedly noisy child quiet while in the garden even though it’s only ever for short periods of time during the day

OP posts:

abstractprojection · 09/06/2021 00:57

She can write as many diaries and make as many complaints as she likes and your kids can be out singing all day. It’s not a valid complaint

GammyLeg · 09/06/2021 01:14

She sounds awful, and I agree @gamerchick hit the nail on the head.

Unlike your neighbour, your little boy doesn't have another house to go to and make noise. Let him be himself, in your garden. You've done nothing wrong, and the council will just roll their collective eyes at such a complaint.

User52739 · 09/06/2021 01:56

Ignore her. Even if she does complain to the council, it won’t go far when they realise she’s talking about a couple of hours of noise in a garden within normal daytime hours.

BlankTimes · 09/06/2021 02:40

Keep a note of the times your children are in the garden so you can counter her 'for hours every day' claims with the true '40 minutes now and then.'

MoppaSprings · 09/06/2021 02:53

Ignore her, let her keep an noise diary.

If you are particularly concerned contact the council yourself for advice, so next time she complains about it to you, you can let her know that he is fine to make noise in his garden

FortunesFave · 09/06/2021 03:00

Ignore her. Someone reported my neighbour to the council due to her DD playing in a general way...the council came round and said "Children must be allowed to play and run around...and there would be nothing to worry about"

musthavebeenlove · 09/06/2021 03:17

She sounds awful! And very entitled.

Your poor DS. He’s just a little boy, enjoying himself .

If she keeps bothering you, I would complain to the council myself about her behavior.

IAmDaveTheSerialShagger · 09/06/2021 03:18

Tell your son to sing even louder and her to fuck off!

SympathyFatigue · 09/06/2021 03:20

Dear diary, today a child played and sang in the garden. I've recorded it like an absolute idiot.

She's a twat.

CrazyCatsAndKittens · 09/06/2021 03:23

I can only imagine how the council will react to this kind of complaint. They really won't care at all. My neighbor's daughter squeals like a banshee when out playing, another neighbor's dog barks, another neighbor has a noisy bike. It's just life noises.

Suzi888 · 09/06/2021 03:30

@Stripyhoglets1

Kids playing in their own garden, even noisily, is not something the council will take action over. Especially when the noisiest child is noisy due to disabilities.

^ that. I work for a Local Authority. You seem very considerate of your neighbours to be honest. Children are noisy at times, there’s not much your neighbour can do apart from get ear plugs/ shut windows/turn her tv up/move to a detached home in the middle of nowhere. Does she work shifts or something?

Scottishskifun · 09/06/2021 03:35

Completely ignore her!

If she pops round again then simply state they are being children and suggest she can always go back to her other house if it annoys her so much.

Can tell you that the council although suggesting a noise diary on their website will do nothing about children at 6pm in the evening! It's more for loud music playing or a dog barking all day and night etc. You will not get a noise abatement order for children playing!

custardbear · 09/06/2021 04:44

What a horrible woman, ignore and let your poor kids play

romdowa · 09/06/2021 04:53

Take absolutely no notice at all. Let her go to the hassle of contacting the council and making her self look like a massive asshole. She sounds like a miserable and bitter woman.

Borderterrierpuppy · 09/06/2021 05:41

Ignore her, your children are absolutely entitled to make noise in their own garden. We once had a downstairs neighbour complain about the children running in our flat, they were one and two at the time hardly elephants:)

lobsterkiller · 09/06/2021 05:51

The kids next door to me are very loud and i can hear them over the tv and at times its bloody annoying.

However i wouldnt say anything, they're playing, doing what kids do and the trade off is they're in bed at a decent time so i get some quiet time. They also have had to put up with me WFH.

She should have bought a place more remote rather than expecting others to fall into line with her expectations. You explained yourself when you didnt need to. Id just give a cheery hello ehen you see her and then let the kids crack on.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 09/06/2021 06:02

What a nasty person. Tell her that, if she reports a child making normal noise during normal daytime hours, you will report her for her anti-disability hate speech. I wonder which one would interest the council/police more....

Making a noise diary is for people who have neighbours playing thumping loud music and adults screaming all through the night - not a child being a child for 45 minutes in the early evening. I'd also tell her to check with the shop she bought her TV from, in case they sold her a faulty one, as they're supposed to come with a control to adjust the volume to suit your surroundings. As PP said, if you expect to live in silence, you buy a home on a remote island - not one in a community. She sounds like the sort who moves to a rural farming community and then starts immediately kicking off about the noise of cockerels and the smell of fertiliser.

I'm not one to jump on the bandwagon of assuming that all second home owners are automatically the worst people in the world, but she certainly does seem to tick most of the boxes. Dreadfully entitled to think that her constant quiet always trumps children playing. It reminds me of the recent thread, that descended into bigotry against people who live in council houses, where the OP who WFH considered it unacceptable for her neighbours to use their garden.

If your neighbourhood were MN, she would be the one who joins as a new user, reads through for half an hour and then starts demanding that all of the non-parents and men who've been posting on here for a decade or more have to leave instantly.

Seriously, she's prioritising her own idealised comfort - even just for short periods, no more than somebody might reasonably use a lawn mower, hedge trimmer or power tool for - over a young disabled child's right to enjoy their childhood. She's a disgrace - if she persists, tell her that everybody in however many neighbourhoods she decides to be a part of is important and not just her.

EverythingRuined · 09/06/2021 06:17

Your neighbour sounds rude and unkind. However I would find the noise of a kid singing loudly and repetitively extremely annoying. I'd probably stay outside when your kids are outside and try and encourage your DC2 not to be as loud because it would be less annoying for everyone. Does he make the same amount of noise in the house or at school? I wonder if it's something you should try and get him not to do so that it doesn't become an ingrained habit and become more of a problem for him iyswim
My neighbours kids make plenty of noise but it's normal play noise and it doesn't bother me however they have a friend who comes over who literally screeeches almost constantly. She seems to make noise for the sake of it. I'd never say anything as it's not very often and I have no idea if she has any SEN. It drive me crazy if I were her parents.

Beachhuts90 · 09/06/2021 06:18

She sounds horrible. YANBU. Pirates of the Caribbean sounds way better than some of the songs kids get obsessed with, get him a pirate hat

garlictwist · 09/06/2021 06:21

I will be honest, I hate any kind of noise and feel lucky I don't live near any children as it would ruin my time in the garden. That said, I understand that kids are kids and that that kind of noise is to expected and not unreasonable so I'm afraid I think your neighbour has to just suck it up.

user1471538283 · 09/06/2021 06:22

I am very sensitive to noise but this wouldn't bother me. Children have to play! One of our ex neighbours little girls used to sing all day in the garden. I think its sweet.

Let her complain to the council.

SadieCow · 09/06/2021 06:40

Live your life, let your DS sing, let your children play and ignore the neighbour.

Jesus, now children can't play on gardens!

NotATreacleTart · 09/06/2021 06:41

You are not doing anything wrong, neither are your children. If she wanted silence she should have her second home in a secluded location.

If she approaches you again just repeat I am sorry you feel that way. And if she says she'll report it tell her it is up to her, all in a very non-confrontational manner. You do not need to explain yourself to her again, she already knows the situation.

Noise and reaction to it is very subjective. For some trains running past the end of the garden or motorway noise would be intolerable and yet how many people have this?

I used to work at the council on the section next to Environmental Health, this is not something they will prosecute you for. They may come out to appease her but noise from a garden because children are playing in it is not the same as drumming at 4am. So please don't worry.

TwoAndAnOnion · 09/06/2021 06:45

@LizzieW1969

You should take no notice, any complaints she might make won’t get anywhere. I can understand why it’s upsetting, though.

Except they will be logged with the council and that in its self complicated the house selling procedure as you legally have to disclose any neighbour disputes.

LFQuery · 09/06/2021 06:48

We have a neighbour who is similar to your DS. I don’t think he is deaf or partially deaf but he does have autism and he sings in the garden loudly for reasonably long periods, also often the same song on “repeat”. It’s quite high pitched and I admit it can be a bit annoying but HE IS A CHILD SINGING IN HIS OWN GARDEN so I would never even dream of saying anything negative about it to his family.

My own kids aren’t quiet anyway.

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