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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think weddings are a massive hassle

243 replies

Mexicantortilla · 08/06/2021 20:56

Just realised the wedding we were invited to about a year ago is in 4 weeks, 1 I don’t have time to shop for an outfit, 2 I’ve just looked online and discovered dresses cost over £100! 3. It’s on a Friday so means booking an annual leave day 4. Just also realised riding boots or work shoes won’t be suitable and I don’t think my feet have worn anything else for years! Seriously think I’m giving back word, ..,,,and god knows about a gift....this is a total headache! Why would anyone want to go to a wedding?

OP posts:
JaJaDongDing · 08/06/2021 20:57

Fair enough weddings can be long days and expensive to attend but YABU because it’s your own lack of organisation causing you problems.

BagORats · 08/06/2021 20:58

You knew all that when you accepted the invite. And dresses don't need to cost £100

Bksjshsbbev2737 · 08/06/2021 20:59

I like getting dressed up for a wedding and wearing something nice I wouldn’t normally get to wear but I get where you’re coming from

Ostara212 · 08/06/2021 21:00

It's such a pain isn't it, a showy wedding

The village hall or pub kind can be okay.

One friend put a lot of pressure on me to attend his wedding two weeks after my nanna died. Then he moved away and forgot his friends existed....until he hassled me to go to his son's christening.

Didn't care how I was in the interim 2 years.

Meh.

Original poster
Mexicantortilla · 08/06/2021 21:00

Yes, I guess so, I tend to ricochet from one week to the next! Shops and weddings, make up, beauty stuff just isn’t a feature of my life!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 08/06/2021 21:04

You could have said no, it’s an invite not a summons.

It would have to be really close family for me to use annual leave and i would not be spending £100 on a party dress which is essentially what most of a wedding is in reality.

Ostara212 · 08/06/2021 21:06

@Mexicantortilla

Yes, I guess so, I tend to ricochet from one week to the next! Shops and weddings, make up, beauty stuff just isn’t a feature of my life!
Same Can you borrow an outfit?

Last time I just wore a fairly plain top and trousers with a multi coloured shawl. I had two requests for people to borrow the shawl for upcoming weddings 😂

converseandjeans · 08/06/2021 21:08

YANBU and they cause so much drama! The amount of money wasted is ridiculous.

Elbels · 08/06/2021 21:10

I bloody love a wedding, getting dressed up? Seeing two people in love celebrate their relationship? Hanging out with my friends for the day? Lovely food and booze? Everyone is a good mood? Music? Dancing?

It's the best!

I find the bummer attitude towards weddings from people on Mumsnet absolutely baffling.

Shoxfordian · 08/06/2021 21:11

Yabu

Presumably you knew all this when you said you’d go

Original poster
Mexicantortilla · 08/06/2021 21:17

Yes, but I think I expected it not to happen due to lockdown really, have to say I’ve not watched the news for a week or 2 either....are weddings going to be allowed? Might actually be my saviour if they’re not and they might just opt for close family!

OP posts:
DanielRicciardosSmile · 08/06/2021 21:19

Plain trousers, treat yourself to a pretty top, and sandals from Primark or similar. Outfit that you can wear again for less than 40 quid.

MargosKaftan · 08/06/2021 21:25

It might well be allowed.

If you are going to pull out of going, do it ASAP, usually couples need to confirm numbers they are paying for 2-3 weeks in advance.

I'm surprised someone accepted a working day invite a year ago and didn't book the day off or even factor in when accepting it that it was a week day.

Just wear whatever you've worn to other weddings /christenings or would put on for lunch out somewhere nice, you don't need to wear a new outfit.

Trousers and nice top is fine. And yes, flat work shoes are also fine.

55378OO8 · 08/06/2021 21:26

I thought this was going to be about organising your own wedding in which case I would have said yanbu. However, other people's weddings are great, all you have to do is rock up and get drunk.

MargosKaftan · 08/06/2021 21:28

But in the future, please please make more effort to think about what you are being invited to before saying yes. The logistics and costs should have been a consideration before accepting a year ago, not waiting until now.

DaphneMoonsSeattle · 08/06/2021 21:28

Yanbu. Seriously CBA. That includes having a big, showy fuck off wedding. I'm too lazy for all that palaver.

WellLarDeDar · 08/06/2021 21:29

You don't need to spend £100 on a dress though. You don't even need to buy a whole new outfit.

Serpenta · 08/06/2021 21:30

I enjoy a good wedding so have said YABU. I think organising a wedding looks like a massive hassle though. All those months chatting about place settings and wedding favours. No.

ComDummings · 08/06/2021 21:31

I like the ceremony and food but all the waiting around while they do the photos is so boring. Oh and the evening do is boring too. I do like an excuse to dress up a bit though so I like that side of it!

shivawn · 08/06/2021 21:32

Nope can't agree with you there, I love a wedding! Love getting dressed up, celebrating a special time with friends and family, meeting new people and dancing the night away! I'd generally love all social occasions and parties though. I have a wedding coming up next month and I can't wait for it! This one is a bit harder to find a dress for as I'll be 7 months pregnant by then but I never spend anywhere near €100, it's pretty easy to find cheap occasion dresses in these days of online shopping.

newnortherner111 · 08/06/2021 21:33

Whilst I applaud/admire anyone who has a small wedding, or even just goes to the registry office with two witnesses, it is their choice ultimately.

OP, are you that bad a time planner that four weeks is not enough time to visit a shop or order online? I would hate to work with someone who cannot do what I would call basic planning, assuming no disability or being neurodiverse.

MadameQuaver · 08/06/2021 21:36

I agree weddings can be a hassle and also very expensive to attend.

DH's friend is getting married in August. It's over 200 miles away and we're only invited to the evening 'do'.

It's in a posh location in the middle of nowhere so we've had to book a room at the venue for the night, which is £400. DH is going on both the groom's stag do holidays which will total around 1k. Then there's travel costs, a wedding present, and possibly new outfits for DH and I as it's at a very posh venue and we've not been to anything like that in yonks.

So yes, lots of hassle and lots of expense. I'm sure we'll have a good time though.

StillCoughingandLaughing · 08/06/2021 21:36

Try Vinted for a frock.

JonSnowsCloak · 08/06/2021 21:38

I'm glad you're not on my invite list if that's how you feel!!
Dresses don't have to cost a fortune, and being a bride to be who may or may not be able to have all her guests there next month, I'd have appreciated you letting me know now if you weren't planning to come.
With 4 weeks to go table plans will be being finalised and they will have paid for your meal. Pandemic or not thats where they would be up to.
As someone else said its an invite not a summons and I bet you've had more than 4 weeks notice.

Original poster
Mexicantortilla · 08/06/2021 21:49

I think the real crux of the issue is the outfit, I’ve literally got nothing I could wear, I live in the sticks, shudder at the thought of looking on the high street for something as it’s futile trying to find something in a size 20 for 5’9”, everything is too short, I tried posting on fashion board thingy but got no response, just bloody stuck!

OP posts: