AIBU to think weddings are a massive hassle

[Mexicantortilla]

Just realised the wedding we were invited to about a year ago is in 4 weeks, 1 I don’t have time to shop for an outfit, 2 I’ve just looked online and discovered dresses cost over £100! 3. It’s on a Friday so means booking an annual leave day 4. Just also realised riding boots or work shoes won’t be suitable and I don’t think my feet have worn anything else for years! Seriously think I’m giving back word, ..,,,and god knows about a gift....this is a total headache! Why would anyone want to go to a wedding?

@55378OO8

I thought this was going to be about organising your own wedding in which case I would have said yanbu. However, other people's weddings are great, all you have to do is rock up and get drunk.

I concur. Who can be arsed to go through the stress and trauma of throwing a massive wedding ceremony?? However I'd happily attend another person's wedding and have the time of my life 😂

You'd think after the last year or so, the chance to get dressed up, spend time with friends and family, nice food and drink and a dance would be something to look forward to, not an imposition.

Attending weddings is expensive, a hassle, etc. Often I don't want to go, but I always end up having a great time once there and am glad I went to the trouble.

The last two weddings I went to many years ago, and very over the top weddings, no expense spared, months and months to organise,, one marriage lasted one year, and the other lasted 2 and a half years. Both sets of parents for both of the couples paid thousands and thousands of pounds out for the weddings.. I think the women had these big dreams of the fairy tale wedding, but they married the wrong men. !

Long Tall Sally. You'll get the size and decent length. I've just bought a lovely dress from them

Yanbu. I secretly hate weddings. I find them way too long with too much small talk. The last wedding I went to I hid in the loo for an hour just to get some peace and quiet. I don't mind the ceremony bit but the rest of it.

Can't you just decline a wedding invitation @garlictwist?

I would hate to think that I had guests at a wedding/party/other social event who were there under sufference, especially if it was costing me a lot of money. I appreciate that not everyone likes a party or social gathering, and it is perfectly OK to decline an invitation.

I find them a massive PITA because I don't really have much interest in watching two people sign a bit of paper which is, fundamentally, what's at the centre of the whole thing.

Aside from all of the deeply engrained sexism, I don't like giving up a weekend day (or using an annual leave) to be a spectator in someone else's life.

Goodness, you do sound rather joyless @NoviceGardenLady. Do you hold the same views about same sex weddings?

I'm sorry but it comes across as jealousy or sour grapes.

I don't really get the hate for weddings on here. It's an excuse to dress up, see friends, dance etc. And surely you don't have to buy a whole new outfit every time?

I love a wedding! Dressing up for family time, food, drink, bit of a dance. Bonus if sunny in a gorgeous setting!

They're expensive but marking milestones and sharing experiences with friends and family makes life worth living for me.

@RampantIvy

Can't you just decline a wedding invitation *@garlictwist*?

I would hate to think that I had guests at a wedding/party/other social event who were there under sufference, especially if it was costing me a lot of money. I appreciate that not everyone likes a party or social gathering, and it is perfectly OK to decline an invitation.

I find them a massive PITA because I don't really have much interest in watching two people sign a bit of paper which is, fundamentally, what's at the centre of the whole thing.

Aside from all of the deeply engrained sexism, I don't like giving up a weekend day (or using an annual leave) to be a spectator in someone else's life.

Goodness, you do sound rather joyless @NoviceGardenLady. Do you hold the same views about same sex weddings?

I'm sorry but it comes across as jealousy or sour grapes.

Pretty much the same for same-sex weddings, yes. Ultimately, it's still a day of my life I'm giving up to be an extra in someone else's show.

I'm not jealous or sour grapes at all. I have all the necessaries to have a normal wedding if I wanted to, I just don't want to.

I should say I don't mind wedding receptions too much - it's the daytime business that I find a massive PITA. Weddings in my home city are bad enough but weddings involving an over-night stay are awful. Sorry.

It depends how expensive and how much time it takes I think.

If you haven't currently got any nice 'wedding' clothes - which possibly includes shoes, make-up, hosiery, hat etc - that adds up to a fair bit. And expand that for spouse plus kids potentially.

If you have to travel across the country or further plus book a hotel for one or more nights.

If there are other wedding activities you are expected to attend which require other smart clothes. Plus gift etc.

It can easily run up to thousands of pounds.

If you already have suitable clothes and the wedding is local then it's not nearly so much expense or hassle and you can just enjoy it.

Nope. I hate weddings which was why mine had four people attend. It is hassle.

I’ve heavily involved in a family wedding this summer and I honestly can’t wait for it to be over. If they postpone it I may scream.

People on MN are disproportionately miserable about weddings. I bloody love them and am sad that I don’t have any invitations this year (the only potential one was a cousin who after about three goes at organising a wedding in covid times decided just to do a small immediate-family ceremony for now).

I wouldnt want you at my wedding, you sound like a right misery guts. I love a wedding. Excuse to dress up, see my mates or family, free meal, free booze for a short while normally. Been to loads of weddings too and dont think I've spent more than £35 on a dress. I normally get something off ASOS, Chi Chi London or Primark. Borrow a pashmina off someone if I dont have the right colour.

@BarbaraofSeville this is so true. Theres always a competitive 'I spent the least' too with posters claiming they got married in their dead aunt Margaret's dress they removed from her dead body and had 2 witnesses and they all shared a packet of Quavers in the local park after. It was beautiful

Why does not liking a wedding make you a misery guts? Aren’t we all entitled to enjoy different things?

Also - I think stage of life plays a big part in how much I have enjoyed a wedding plus how the people getting married are connected to me.

In my 20s and early 30s I really enjoyed weddings - that was the height of my disposable income, most of the weddings were friends, during my 30s I was planning my own wedding so it was fun to see what everyone else was doing.

Once you are in your 40s and 50s and you are more exhausted and a lot poorer often with all the time and expense of kids, less personal time and freedom, weekends and vacation time become a lot more precious.

Wedding plans involve either organizing multiple people's outfits not just your own, or childcare which is a big pain if you need 2 nights away to get there and back from the wedding. If you take the kids you have to deal with taking care of them all day and dealing with their needs and boredom so you can't just relax and let go.

I think I'll start to look forward to weddings again in a decade or so when I'm an empty nester and the weddings will be children and grandchildren and close family loved ones.

Also, I'm jealous of people who get invited to local weddings - every single wedding I've ever been to has been at least a day's travel and 1-2 overnight stays needed.

@Mexicantortilla
Next have these :)

Yanbu…I’ve got one in August but it’s very informal and I got a dress off Amazon for £20 😂

I can’t stand weddings- used to be ok when I was a teenager and only there for the free booze- but without that incentive the whole thing is a massive imposition and pain in the arse. Cant stand the formula which is always the same even if it’s a ‘bohemian’ festival style wedding 🤮. I felt the same about my own wedding day and would rather have had registry office followed by fish and chips. Aaaargh even that sounds like a wedding cliche!!

the whole thing is a massive imposition

It's an invitation. You can decline. I'm sure couples would rather you declined than went with the attitude that you're being imposed upon.

I felt the same about my own wedding day and would rather have had registry office followed by fish and chips.

Then that's what you should have done.

@CamborneMaid thanks, like the pink, I will take a look

If you don't like weddings, don't go, but I so don't get why the outfit is such an issue. At every wedding I've been to, I've seen plenty of people wearing simple/plain outfits (eg, plain blouse and black pants), office type clothes, casual clothes, no make up and everyday hairstyles. And they looked perfectly fine. It's hardly a £100 dress plus accessories or nothing.

@FlyNow

If you don't like weddings, don't go, but I so don't get why the outfit is such an issue. At every wedding I've been to, I've seen plenty of people wearing simple/plain outfits (eg, plain blouse and black pants), office type clothes, casual clothes, no make up and everyday hairstyles. And they looked perfectly fine. It's hardly a £100 dress plus accessories or nothing.

I wish I got invited to weddings which were like that!