AIBU to think weddings are a massive hassle

[Mexicantortilla]

Just realised the wedding we were invited to about a year ago is in 4 weeks, 1 I don’t have time to shop for an outfit, 2 I’ve just looked online and discovered dresses cost over £100! 3. It’s on a Friday so means booking an annual leave day 4. Just also realised riding boots or work shoes won’t be suitable and I don’t think my feet have worn anything else for years! Seriously think I’m giving back word, ..,,,and god knows about a gift....this is a total headache! Why would anyone want to go to a wedding?

I haven't bought anything new for a wedding in years. I have 1 smart dress and 1 pair of smart shoes, they'll do.
If you have something that is reasonably smart already wear that, there's no reason to buy new anything if you don't have to.

Weddings are nothing but a massive PITA. I absolutely hate them with a passion.

YANBU.

DH and I went away and got married abroad just the two of us because neither of us can be arsed with fanfare.

My brother is getting married later this year and it's a total PITA. They've booked a Thursday because it was cheaper, but DH and I both need to take two days off work and neither of us are in roles that allow for easy annual leave. Or we can take one day off and leave early to travel 50 miles home for work the next day.

Then there's the outfits, hair and make up, the cash gift they've requested toward a house deposit, schlepping the dog down to FIL's house, travel time, plus hanging around all day making shite chit chat with people.

I'd rather shit in my hands and clap but my family would never forgive me if I didn't go.

@NoviceGardenLady

Weddings are nothing but a massive PITA. I absolutely hate them with a passion.

Why? That is quite an extreme reaction.

I don't get the drama on MN, and I am also confused how can someone not own at least ONE outfit suitable for an event, and why others feel they MUST buy a new outfit every time they receive an invitation

I agree. I'm baffled at the extreme hatred of weddings.

Maybe it is because none of the (not very many) weddings I have been to have been over extravagant affairs where the couple have been self absorbed bride/groom-zillas. Most of them have been lovely and informal family get togethers where the happy couple have been at pains to make sure their guests were well looked after and catered for. None of the family weddings have been child free, and I don't think any friends weddings have been either.

Why? That is quite an extreme reaction.

I don't get the drama on MN, and I am also confused how can someone not own at least ONE outfit suitable for an event, and why others feel they MUST buy a new outfit every time they receive an invitation

I agree. I'm baffled at the extreme hatred of weddings.

Maybe it is because none of the (not very many) weddings I have been to have been over extravagant affairs where the couple have been self absorbed bride/groom-zillas. Most of them have been lovely and informal family get togethers where the happy couple have been at pains to make sure their guests were well looked after and catered for. None of the family weddings have been child free, and I don't think any friends weddings have been either.

@RampantIvy

Why? That is quite an extreme reaction.

I don't get the drama on MN, and I am also confused how can someone not own at least ONE outfit suitable for an event, and why others feel they MUST buy a new outfit every time they receive an invitation

I agree. I'm baffled at the extreme hatred of weddings.

Maybe it is because none of the (not very many) weddings I have been to have been over extravagant affairs where the couple have been self absorbed bride/groom-zillas. Most of them have been lovely and informal family get togethers where the happy couple have been at pains to make sure their guests were well looked after and catered for. None of the family weddings have been child free, and I don't think any friends weddings have been either.

I find them a massive PITA because I don't really have much interest in watching two people sign a bit of paper which is, fundamentally, what's at the centre of the whole thing.

Aside from all of the deeply engrained sexism, I don't like giving up a weekend day (or using an annual leave) to be a spectator in someone else's life.

Plus, there are all the practical issues of, for example, where the dog goes for the day. Plus, there's the expense. Plus, there's the awkwardness of it all.

If there's a good disco at the end, fine. But otherwise, nope.

No wonder some people are actually enjoying the lockdown if they have so little friends and interest in their friends or family members life.

Weddings are happy occasions, the hatred against any fun event is depressing.

But I even enjoyed the long hen weekends abroad, let alone the actual weddings, so I clearly live in a different world than some posters.

So don’t go, misery guts! Nobody is forcing you.

@fashionablefennel

No wonder some people are actually enjoying the lockdown if they have so little friends and interest in their friends or family members life.

Weddings are happy occasions, the hatred against any fun event is depressing.

But I even enjoyed the long hen weekends abroad, let alone the actual weddings, so I clearly live in a different world than some posters.

Totally!

Also deeply ingrained sexism? Wtf?

I went straight from a weekday wedding to a weekend hen party a couple of years ago which was just lovely. Judging by most responses here everyone else would have just fainted in shock at having to be present at such events. Heaven forbid two back to back!

dancealittleclosertome What I don't understand is, if all these weddings were such a pain for you to attend, then why attend them ?

I'm sure most couples would rather not have to pay for meals and drinks for people who don't want to be there. I don't understand why you didn't just reply "Thanks for the Invitation. I won't be able to be there but wish you every happiness and hope you have a lovely day" ?

I'm with so many of the later posters. I love it when I am invited to a wedding. I feel moved at the ceremony and then I enjoy spending the rest of the day eating, chatting, drinking, mingling, and usually dancing.
I never spend the ££££ that some posters talk about on here.
There's no "have to" about buying new outfits or getting your hair done specially.

I've got a friend's foreign hen weekend penciled in for next Spring. Cannot wait.

In order to turn down an invitation, you have to have a valid excuse. And dates are set so far in advance that it can be quite difficult to do that. I've had a 'save the date' for this December, for example, and not sure how to get out of it.

After more than a year of lockdowns, I'd give my right eye for a good wedding.

In order to turn down an invitation, you have to have a valid excuse. And dates are set so far in advance that it can be quite difficult to do that. I've had a 'save the date' for this December, for example, and not sure how to get out of it.

Well, I'd disagree with that - unless it is your sister or something. You just say "Oh, what a shame, we can't make it, hope you have a lovely day".

But, when you were talking about the "every weekend", then "sorry we are just wedding'd out" would be fine for most friends. A lot of B&Gs feel they have to invite a whole group together, but would actually be quite relieved if some can't make it.
Or just feign a clash of dates.

Oh honestly, unless the bride or groom is your sibling (or child) then of course you don't need an exciting excuse to decline an invite. Buy a nice "RSVP" card and write inside "dear bride and groom, thank you so much for thinking of me/my family, but unfortunately we won't be able to attend your wedding. We hope you have a wonderful day, love xxxxx" job done.

The drama some on here assign themselves, you are unlikely to be all that important to the bride and groom.

Oh and no one will notice if you wear the same frock to Andy's wedding to Anna as Bob's wedding to Betty and then again to Colin's wedding to Callum. Noone cares if you have a "wedding outfit" and wear it to 4 weddings on the run.

Weddings are seriously overdone. The planning and stress and cost that went into Dds 2 years ago was horrendous. Was actually relieved when she called it off and it all got cancelled. Have told her, next time just get hitched and tell us afterwards where the party is. Current bf told her its either a wedding or a camper van, as he cant afford both. She went for the camper van. Sensible girl.

YABU. You've had a year to work it out. Dresses don't have to cost £100. I live fairly rurally, am definitely not overburdened with smart clothes and haven't been to any kind of formal do since waaay before the pandemic. I'd live to go to a wedding!

Have you looked on simply be? There are tops on there that would be good for a wedding

Weddings are ok if you can drive there and get a taxi back. If you have to drive 3-4 hours there, pay a hotel a couple of night's , it becomes a fortune. And a pita.

Yes they are I’ve actually stopped going to a lot only going to one friends in recent years because I adore her family and knew it would be a brilliant relaxed occasion. I mostly can’t justify the expense so usually wish them well and decline. Sounds a bit mean but rarely do I enjoy them

@Mexicantortilla

I think the real crux of the issue is the outfit, I’ve literally got nothing I could wear, I live in the sticks, shudder at the thought of looking on the high street for something as it’s futile trying to find something in a size 20 for 5’9”, everything is too short, I tried posting on fashion board thingy but got no response, just bloody stuck!

How can everything be too short? Go for a maxi dress? 5'9" isn't huge you're not a giant.

Don't most people have something they can waer already? I mean I know a lot of people enjoy buying something new, but it isn't necessary. I am going to a wedding and just wearing a nice blouse I already have.

t's such a pain isn't it, a showy wedding

The village hall or pub kind can be okay.

Is it a showy wedding? OP just mentioned needing to buy a dress and not wearing work shoes, I would say that's a bare minimum for any wedding.

The time to decide not to go was before you accepted the invitation, not just before the wedding. And you've had a year to find something to wear.

But wait and see what they say on Monday because they might be restricted to 30 guests anyway. Maybe let the bride and groom know you'll be quite happy to be on the uninvited list.

However if you can go, just get some summer sandals and a maxi dress or floaty top to go with trousers you already own so you're just buying clothes you can wear again.

You've been invited to a party by a family member or friend, in the real world that's a nice thing, something to enjoy. Totally baffled as to why most of Mumsnet thinks this is not something to look forward to.

@ChocOrange1

t's such a pain isn't it, a showy wedding

The village hall or pub kind can be okay.

Is it a showy wedding? OP just mentioned needing to buy a dress and not wearing work shoes, I would say that's a bare minimum for any wedding.

I think on Mumsnet, if you invite anyone at all, it's a showy wedding.

You're supposed to pop down the register office on a Wednesday lunchtime, accost a couple of passers by to act as witnesses, get married, have a pub lunch to celebrate and go back to work in the afternoon.

Anything more is unreasonably showy.