Who's being U, me or DP

[MaryB90]

DP goes to the gym every day for over two hours plus sun bed after, different times every day but usually sometime in the morning.
We have a workman putting a new floor down in the kitchen and lounge as we speak, DP knew my plans for today, I was going to meet a friend who lives an hour away and was going to leave at 10:30am.
He's just announced that he's going to the gym, he told me to lock our dog in the bedroom and leave the workman home alone.
I'm not comfortable doing that, so told him I'll cancel my plans or leave later if my friend is OK with that.
He just got angry with me!

He's gone to the gym and left me annoyed. It could just be my pregnancy hormones.
So who is BU here, me or DP?
Please don't hold back, talk sense into me.

@endofthelinefinally

And yet, some women do suffer dreadfully with endometriosis, perimenopause, menopause and all the serious health conditions that arise from those. How depressing that women lucky enough to enjoy good health are so unsupportive.

See, the thing is, being supportive of the many women who suffer with any of these issues is the exact opposite of using the idea of the hysterical woman driven by hormones alone to dismiss women's feelings, experiences and anger.

Sorry, but he sounds a very selfish man. Couldn't he give up just one session so that you could go out? Totally unreasonable to shut the poor dog in the bedroom and not on to leave a workman alone in your house. Hope he steps up when the baby arrives but I wouldn't hold your breath!

And your married to this selfish vain a*hole why!? I reckon he's gay and is cruising blokes at the gym - no straight guy spends 2 hours at the gym or uses sunbeds ffs

I’d never leave dog alone with workmen.

I'd LTB because of the sunbed. Does he look like Arnie? Gym and sunbed!

@Merryoldgoat

2 hours a day plus sun bed?

The actual problem is you’re having a child with a stupid person.

Totally this 👆

I think you might feel differently about his hobby once the baby is born. His 2 hrs a day is going to have to go, or you’ll be doing everything for the baby yourself and you’ll def have no time for your hobbies. Plus, it’s not for the first few weeks with a newborn that he’ll need to step up - it’ll be for all the baby’s life! It carries on being exhausting a little bit longer than the newborn stage!

This does require further discussion. Clear boundaries particularly when the baby comes. You don't want to be the one always holding the baby....so to speak. Trust and partnership are really important during this time even if you are staying home for the first year. I would not leave a builder alone in my home. Oversight is important.

I am sorry if I haven't read the whole thread op but a man that spends two hours at the gym is either an actor, model or such like. If that is how he makes his living I get it. However to ask you to give up a much needed lunch is pants. In 30 odd years my athlete husband has never done this. If you are relying on this man for money and lifestyle be careful. Everything costs. I would be putting some cash away each week. Do not live a life of worry. And sunbeds will make him look like Peter Stringfellow, big Jesse.

You'll not last as a couple. Sorry to say but he definitely isn't the daddy type. If he can't look after a dog he's not going to be looking after a screaming baby. Good luck for the future.

Keeping fit is great, sunbed is not. But no way should his fitness routine trump everything else....he is going to have to tolerate flexibility & step up once the baby arrives. If today is an example of the norm with him then he needs to change. Otherwise you could carve out some regular me time for yourself & tell him at those times he will be caring for the baby.... & do it. He might then appreciate shared responsibility & better scheduling which at times includes postponement or cancellation when more important matters are in front of you...like a new baby!

Daily sunbed?

There is no safe level of sunbed use.

I hope he has a good life insurance policy so you're protected financially down the line....

Obviously I don’t know your whole situation OP but please please please have a frank discussion with your partner now about expectations for once the baby is here. For your sake and sanity, and for your baby’s, you need to agree what is an equitable division of the childcare between the two of you.

This doesn’t necessarily need to be 50/50 (something tells me this was never on the cards anyway) but it does need to be a split that works for you both. And by that I mean a split that involves your partner doing enough solo childcare so that he is confident and capable of looking after his child without your presence.

He sounds like sponge Bob on steroids!

Genuinely sounds like you will divorce within a year of baby arriving. Unless you are happy to basically be a single parent. Also it’s not 1984, daily sun beds?!?

He’s an influencer isn’t he ...?

Also just have an affair with the builder 🤩

You're mistake was changing specific plans to fit in with him ...wait he got angry with you? Your mistake was getting pregnant with this petulant child A swift kick in the balls required

Better a gym boy boyfriend than one who plays golf. He can cut down a bit when baby comes or do home workouts instead.

Why couldn't he defer his plans?

Selfish behaviour.

I’d struggle to believe my partner is actually at the gym everyday. Or maybe I’m just not very trusting

You had to ask him to tone down the sunbeds once the babyn is here for a few weeks. Donu not think this wd occur to him to do it all by himself. I wdnt mention it again. If he doesnt off his own back I'd pack and have left after a month of having a baby with that behaviour. Maybe that's what it'll take ....

I’m just wanting to know how to fit a 3 hour daily hobby/ obsession into a day on top of work, home, family and relationship responsibilities.
Does he have a time machine?

Eh... If he won't put the needs of the dog ahead of his own for one day/few hours, then you've got bigger problems. The apparent non-negotiable 2hrs gym per day plus sunbeds just shows how selfish and self centered he is & that's not going to change once baby arrives. Start now by laying down the law on what you need and expect from him.