Who's being U, me or DP

[MaryB90]

DP goes to the gym every day for over two hours plus sun bed after, different times every day but usually sometime in the morning.
We have a workman putting a new floor down in the kitchen and lounge as we speak, DP knew my plans for today, I was going to meet a friend who lives an hour away and was going to leave at 10:30am.
He's just announced that he's going to the gym, he told me to lock our dog in the bedroom and leave the workman home alone.
I'm not comfortable doing that, so told him I'll cancel my plans or leave later if my friend is OK with that.
He just got angry with me!

He's gone to the gym and left me annoyed. It could just be my pregnancy hormones.
So who is BU here, me or DP?
Please don't hold back, talk sense into me.

This, are either of you qualified to supervise a workman ? Why can’t the dog be left alone ?

It's quite clearly not about supervising the builder though is it. That's just the straw the broke the camels back.

It's about how her partner sees his life and his hobbies as more important and how the OP needs to sacrifice her life and free time so he can go out for 2+ hours a day, every day without question.

2 hours? How much of that is spent looking at himself in the mirrors flexing d’you reckon lol?!

You should never have cancelled your plans to facilitate his ridiculousness. Set some boundaries/ground rules now before he completely lets you down once the baby is here.

Roid rage probably

Are you sure he’s at the gym?

Seriously go bring the dog and not look back.
The first few weeks with a new baby are okay its the months after that it gets much harder as you will be very tired.
I've a good idea why don't you buy him a sunbed from the baby so he won't need to leave the house at all and you can toddle off wherever you like

@Gwenhwyfar

I'm surprised a straight man is this vain

Homophobic or what?!

I know this isn't the point of this thread, but does he actually want to give himself skin cancer? I speak as someone who had a few sunbeds in the 80's and have had every type of skin cancer there is.

Good luck maryb90. You deserve better. If you had gone out first he would have left the dog anyway and that would be unkind.

He must be the colour of a brick if he does a subbed every time ??! Does he not work?

Thanks all for your replies. It's nice to get some outside perspective. We both work full time, his hours vary but usually he works in the evenings and comes back at night time.
I also have a hobby, but stopped temporarily due to being pregnant.
It would be unfair to make him stop going completely once baby is here imo.
I would feel sad to say the least if he said I can't do my hobby at all once baby is here.
We've spoken about it before and we will give each other time for our hobbies.
Of course first few weeks with a newborn will be hard that's why I have asked him to cut down on the gym for first few weeks.

I agree I can be a bit of a pushover, I didn't realise I was making myself into a martyr
DP is back and I've gone out.

2 hours at a gym everyday. A bit of cardio, some weight training, a swim, sauna,steam room spa pool but people with that sort of routine rarely go everyday.
I'd be concerned that he's a wannabe 'roid head. I employ a few 'roid heads and they're in the gym for about that most days just pumping iron. There's no way in a 1000 years I'd want to live with one

He has an addiction . You need to have a serious talk. His gym hobby is JUST a hobby. If there is time after family priorities are sorted he can go - perhaps 2-3 times a week is possible.

I can't imagine ever doing this to my DH. Seeing his crushed face at having to cancel his plans, and just waltzing out anyway. He doesn't care about you, does he? But then again, any guy who spends 2 hours at the gym every day, only cares about himself. I bet he's one of those guys who stares at himself in the mirror as he lifts weights.

Oh good lord. And you're having baby with this man-baby?

Good luck with him helping during the night once baby arrives.

@MaryB90

Thanks all for your replies. It's nice to get some outside perspective. We both work full time, his hours vary but usually he works in the evenings and comes back at night time. I also have a hobby, but stopped temporarily due to being pregnant. It would be unfair to make him stop going completely once baby is here imo. I would feel sad to say the least if he said I can't do my hobby at all once baby is here. We've spoken about it before and we will give each other time for our hobbies. Of course first few weeks with a newborn will be hard that's why I have asked him to cut down on the gym for first few weeks.

I agree I can be a bit of a pushover, I didn't realise I was making myself into a martyr
DP is back and I've gone out.

"first few weeks" - oh OP babies are hard work for MUCH longer than that. You need to have a very serious chat with your husband about how things will work after baby is born. Use today as a reason to have that conversation.

He can't change his routine for one day? Good luck with a baby.

Why is he having sun beds ? Idiot

Of course he is being U. He wont take responsibility for care of a dog. Now a baby is coming along. Hope he steps up in time.

@An0n0n0n

I am so sick and bloody tired of women undermining themselves by blaming their hormones.

It's also not fucking helpful for women who want to be taken seriously who have had to fight stereotypes of women being hormonal and emotional. So please stop saying it might be your hormomes.

Its not your hormones, yout partner is selfish. Have some confidence in yourself please. X

^^^ THIS 100%

He can go to the gym any time. You had plans with a friend. He's very selfish to treat you like this.

As a pp said, are you sure he's going to the gym?

It would be unfair to make him stop going completely once baby is here imo.

He doesn't have to stop completely, no one is saying this. Just that his current levels verge on obsessive and he'll have to cut back.

I would feel sad to say the least if he said I can't do my hobby at all once baby is here.

It isn't sad you should feel, it's angry. He isn't in charge, your relationship is meant to be a partnership.

I think he's unreasonable for not being willing to just go to the gym later when he knew you had pre-arranged plans for a certain time.

Why could he not go in the afternoon or evening?

@An0n0n0n

I am so sick and bloody tired of women undermining themselves by blaming their hormones.

It's also not fucking helpful for women who want to be taken seriously who have had to fight stereotypes of women being hormonal and emotional. So please stop saying it might be your hormomes.

Its not your hormones, yout partner is selfish. Have some confidence in yourself please. X

I agree with this too, but OP it’s not a criticism of you, it’s the way this selfish man makes you feel, as if it’s your fault.

Of course first few weeks with a newborn will be hard that's why I have asked him to cut down on the gym for first few weeks

It isn't just the first few weeks. It is open ended. You will need flexibility from him for the long term.

Some babies don't get into the routine of sleeping through the night for several months or even years. It isn't that uncommon.

You need him to willingly step up. For the longer term too so that you get your share of time off from childcare and parenting.

This is his child too, and not just for the first few weeks as a newborn. Forever. Don't let him shirk and leave it all to you.

Peter Andre, Peter Stringfellow... very good...
I raise you George Hamilton!