...to have this conversation with Nanny

[itisworthit]

NC as I know I'll be roasted for this.

I want to have a conversation with our nanny on how she dresses.

In the summer, one day, she wore a bra top but work a waist coat with it- so I thought this was ok and but my tongue.

Last week, dear Lord, I collected my daughter from her and she was wearing a tight fitting long summer dress (no problem) but no bra and you can see clearly clearly see her breast outline and nipples. I was so shocked. I just hit my tongue and just took DS home.

I want to have a conversation about her regarding this. But I don't know how to broach it without being too insensitive. What should I do? AIBU to bring this up to her?

saraclara
I do sort of see your point, but for me the issue isn't nipples. It's the clothing.

To me, the valid issue to raise would be if a dress is so figure hugging and clingy that the outlines of nipples are clearly visible then the issue isn't that there's nipples. The issue is that the dress is too clingy for a professional context and would be equally too clingy for a professional environment if the wearer wore a bra.

Equally, if someone didn't wear a bra, or wore a non-padded bra, and part of their nipples showed on a chilly autumnal day when wearing a professional top, that's neither here because they're dressed professionally and women have nipples.

The attire matters to me, not whether women have hidden their boobs.

@saraclara

In the OP, it says that her nipples were visible. And I think therein lies the issue. For all the 'free the nipple' talk, I honestly don't think that any clothing that makes the nipples very visible, is suitable in any kind of working role. And I can't imagine any employer accepting that, even if there is no clear dress code.

I wear scrubs all day, everyday as dictated by my employer. You can absolutely see mine (and many other people's) nipples unless we take steps to conceal them. Are you saying that my clothes aren't appropriate for work?

@LolaSmiles

saraclara I do sort of see your point, but for me the issue isn't nipples. It's the clothing.

To me, the valid issue to raise would be if a dress is so figure hugging and clingy that the outlines of nipples are clearly visible then the issue isn't that there's nipples. The issue is that the dress is too clingy for a professional context and would be equally too clingy for a professional environment if the wearer wore a bra.

Equally, if someone didn't wear a bra, or wore a non-padded bra, and part of their nipples showed on a chilly autumnal day when wearing a professional top, that's neither here because they're dressed professionally and women have nipples.

The attire matters to me, not whether women have hidden their boobs.

That was the point I was trying to make with the pictures. Not to mention that the first one is also completely impractical for interacting with small children.

I don't see any issues with the other two, because as you say it's the style of dress that would be a problem for me, not necessarily nipples or breast outline.

AccidentallyOnPurpose
I see what your mean. It sounds like we are on the same page then, that if the OP was being reasonable then the objection should be that the dress itself isn't suitable for working with young children, not that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts is unprofessional (given that most clothing shows women have boobs).

If I remember your reply, I thought you were suggesting the OP was fine to comment that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts was unprofessional.

Do you see what I mean by it being bizarre that the OP was apparently fine with the dress itself?

@LolaSmiles

AccidentallyOnPurpose I see what your mean. It sounds like we are on the same page then, that if the OP was being reasonable then the objection should be that the dress itself isn't suitable for working with young children, not that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts is unprofessional (given that most clothing shows women have boobs).

If I remember your reply, I thought you were suggesting the OP was fine to comment that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts was unprofessional.

Do you see what I mean by it being bizarre that the OP was apparently fine with the dress itself?

I went back to check (because I've been spending way too much time commenting on here).

"Despite making me very uncomfortable to admit and say it, I'd agree that if that is the case, then no, it's not appropriate. Not because of breasts or nipples but the type of dress.

She's on her way out anyways so saying anything would be pointless. Not just that , but relationships souring even more won't help anyone,especially not your kids."

This was my comment. Maybe too much waffle and my point got muddled.

We kinda agree anyways so it's all good.

Re leggings - funnily enough I have had to stipulate in our dress code that whilst leggings are permitted they must be of a decent weight and not see through or threadbare...

There are some garments where a bra makes the difference between it being acceptable for work and not, imo. I have big breasts, no hiding their existence. If i wear a white shirt with no bra then you would see too much, imo, to be suitable for work (there's a very small selection of shirts which fit big boobs and they're not that heavy fabric) as you would see not only a protruding nipple bump but actual colour, shape, size etc. Way too much. There is a difference between overall breast shape under clothes and seeing the details of the breasts. Same shirt with a nude bra under it is totally acceptable.
Men's shirts tend to be heavier and looser and their nipples less prominent so it's less of an issue in reality.

I don't think the dress pictured would be made appropriate by a bra for any workplace though. And not nannying.

I’ll just leave this here.

Why would you look at her breasts in this level of detail?

OP we get that you find it an inappropriate dress. Some people agree with you, some don't. Bring it up with nanny if you want, just be prepared that she might tell you she doesn't think it's any of your business – or a shorter version of that sentiment. She might even decide to stop working for you.

If you feel so strongly about it that you would be happy with that response, or that outcome, well then crack on.

@mustlovegin

Serious question

Would any of the posters making jokes about the OP feel comfortable having their husband or teenage boys (working/studying from home) with a nanny dressed like the pictures Accidentaly has shown?

Just curious

I'd hope my male relatives could refrain from perving on the nanny just like anyone else could, to be honest. If they notice she has breasts, so what? And if they're staring that's on them not to be creepy.

@Streamside

Why would you look at her breasts in this level of detail?

These types of comments are ridiculous really.

You don't have to be pervy,stare,look in detail or whatever to notice things in certain types of clothes.

And if they're staring that's on them not to be creepy

Maybe I'm prudish, but I would find it a really awkward and disrespectful environment for everyone involved.

She has done it again.

I had to bite my tongue so hard yesterday morning and come to the conclusion that I'm going to fire her.

She came to pick up the kids. She looked like she had sex before the morning she came to pick them up. She wore a short cardigan with clearly nothing underneath, and most of her buttons were undone, leaving her belly and lower down clearly exposed

That is it. I am done. She does not care. On top of all of things, she has been stealing our travel money. I've had enough

I think if she was your nanny and in your home you could talk about dress code, but she's obviously a childminder doing pick ups, so not your employee in that way, so just leave it.

@Maireas

I think if she was your nanny and in your home you could talk about dress code, but she's obviously a childminder doing pick ups, so not your employee in that way, so just leave it.

I employ her. We have a contract.

Does she work in your home or hers?

This has to be a wind up. The first complaint was the dress was too tight, which then moved onto it was so sheer you could see the COLOUR of her breast... (no mention of underwear or fanjo, wonder why?). Now, because she was wearing a cardigan with a button open she obviously had sex that morning (OH NO! a grown woman having sex the morning she is responsible for your children!!)
insert won't someone think of the children meme here
I hope you've got good proof she stole from you too or you could find yourself in deep shit if you sack her citing that. I think she would be best of away from you tbh. Not that this is real at all.

OP, if you don't wish to employ her, then don't. That is your right, and is perfectly reasonable.

Your obsession with her clothes and, now, her personal life is totally unreasonable, however, and frankly rather strange.

I don't care that she has been having sex . My point was that she looked like she just rolled off the bed.

Multiple buttons were open not just the one! It was bad. Even people were looking at her.

Yes she has been and has been caught out three times. We have an agreed travel budget. She keeps on taking the money, she tells me that she needed the money to take DC's somewhere (she doesn't anyway ) and tells me that she would pay me back by using some of her own travel expenses. I told her that I don't mind but she has to let me know as trust is very important. What she does is takes the money, doesn't say anything, I found out and she makes up excuses.

She works in my home