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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to have this conversation with Nanny

221 replies

itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:27

NC as I know I'll be roasted for this.

I want to have a conversation with our nanny on how she dresses.

In the summer, one day, she wore a bra top but work a waist coat with it- so I thought this was ok and but my tongue.

Last week, dear Lord, I collected my daughter from her and she was wearing a tight fitting long summer dress (no problem) but no bra and you can see clearly clearly see her breast outline and nipples. I was so shocked. I just hit my tongue and just took DS home.

I want to have a conversation about her regarding this. But I don't know how to broach it without being too insensitive. What should I do? AIBU to bring this up to her?

OP posts:
Rubyrecka · 06/06/2021 20:40

What's your husband's opinion?

Pompom2367 · 06/06/2021 20:48

I don't think you should say anything op

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 06/06/2021 20:52

Honestly OP I will get roasted for this but I agree with you. Lots of workplaces prohibit revealing clothing, for both men and women. For example, I've worked in offices that prohibit short sleeves/sleeveless tops (on men & women). I think there is a social expectation that when you are in a role carrying some responsibility, you dress a little more carefully. Even young children read social cues like clothing - uniforms and smarter clothing help children trust adults in various roles (police etc).

If my nanny was male I would think it pushing it to wear something like a tight/skimpy wifebeater, and I think the outfits you describe are kinda similar imo.

LolaSmiles · 06/06/2021 21:21

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland
They're all workplaces with dress codes though. Part of the professionalism is following your workplace dress code. If the dress was similar to one of the ones up thread then I'd agree that it's not suitable for the role, but I'd not be saying that it's unprofessional for any shape of a woman's breasts to be evident. Based on that criteria a turtleneck is unprofessional and it says a lot about the OP's view of women.

If the OP wanted to have a dress code that states it will be considered unprofessional for any woman to have the shape of her breasts visible, she is welcome to do that as an employer, though I suspect plenty of women would rightly think that's overstepping.

enchantedspleen · 06/06/2021 21:34

Bloody hell, how the other half live, eh.

Brefugee · 06/06/2021 21:35

Gosh. Woman has breasts. Hold the front page.

MrDarcyPlease · 06/06/2021 23:21

I think this is hilarious to be honest. You cannot police underwear choices.

MyMabel · 06/06/2021 23:40

I mean, you could find a new many. But this time be sure to mention in their interview that full cup or sports bras are a requirement underneath long sleeve roll neck tops.

pheonixrebirth · 06/06/2021 23:42

This totally reminds me of sex and the city 2, with Charlottes nanny with no bra.
Maybe buy her a copy saying that you really recommend it. She might get the message but she definitely won't trust your film recommendations ever again.
But in all honesty, I get you!
There is a thing called being professional and I think a lot of companies would have a problem with the way she dresses, and if people were totally honest they would inwardly be judging her, rightly or wrongly.

minipie · 06/06/2021 23:46

You can’t object to being able to see the shape of her boobs or nipples.

You can object if she can’t do her job properly in the clothes she’s chosen.

Skin tight dresses you can’t run about in aren’t practical for looking after small kids.

However, the bra top with waistcoat over the top she wore earlier sounds practical.

So the fact you’ve got a problem with that outfit too suggests this is more about prudery than practicality.

barefootcook · 07/06/2021 00:00

Your should say something. What you describe is not a professional look. It wouldn't fly in a school or nursery. I am sorry that you are getting such unpleasant responses on this thread.

Wavypurple · 07/06/2021 00:33

This has to be a reverse or a troll surely 😭

LolaSmiles · 07/06/2021 07:40

MyMabel
Roll neck tops wouldn't be allowed either. Apparently seeing the shape of a woman's breasts then unprofessional Wink

This has to be a wind up though as I can't believe anyone would genuinely think seeing the shape of a female body was unprofessional

burritofan · 07/06/2021 07:42

How long were you staring at her norks to take in the outline and shape and nipples?

Congrats though on your lavish descriptions of same, you could be a male author with that.

Bananahana · 07/06/2021 07:59

Chill out OP

JocastaElastic · 08/06/2021 21:40

Wearing a bra is a choice, not an obligation.

Darbishire27 · 09/06/2021 00:11

I wonder how many of the respondents roasting the OP would have given a nannying job to a candidate who dressed as described at interview. Can't we just trust that the OP knows the difference between what is professional work wear and what isn't, and just wants advice on how to broach the subject. Posters seem much more irked by the idea OP has a nanny, and in wishing to disprove this are being unkind and unhelpful. As someone who has employed nannies I've seen how (rightly) important it was to them to be treated as professionals- the right to expect work-appropriate attire is part of the quid pro quo of that professional relationship, surely? For what it's worth, OP, I don't think you are BU but if your contract is coming to its end it's probably not worth souring the relationship particularly if as a single parent you are reliant on your nanny. But when interviewing for her replacement this will make a nice anecdote to introduce the subject of workwear so you can establish up front what you are comfortable with and where your boundaries are. Then if candidates feel your position is prudish they don't have to take your money and can wear their see-thru clothing working for one of the many parents here who are apparently so relaxed about it. As they say on the other parenting site, 'Your baby, your rules'.

NewModelArmyMayhem18 · 09/06/2021 07:36

Surely if you're fussed about dress you should include something about dressing professionally in a contract? I really don't think being a nanny (unless you're working for an Upper Class or super-rich family) would require you to wear a bra if it's super hot. Some clothes don't really go with wearing a bra, most likely the type of frock you'd wear on a super hot day!

LolaSmiles · 09/06/2021 08:03

I wonder how many of the respondents roasting the OP would have given a nannying job to a candidate who dressed as described at interview.
If the issue is that a dress is inappropriate for the work then that would affect my view of the candidate, and the OP is also reasonable to raise issues about attire being unsuitable for work with small children.
Complaining that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts is unprofessional is nothing more than silly pearl clutching, and every work place I've been in women have, shock horror, had a womanly figure that includes breasts of different sizes. They've all managed to dress for work, but the pesky boobies have a habit of being lumps on the front of their chests.

Can't we just trust that the OP knows the difference between what is professional work wear and what isn't, and just wants advice on how to broach the subject. Posters seem much more irked by the idea OP has a nanny, and in wishing to disprove this are being unkind and unhelpful
The OP herself seems confused by what is and isn't professional work attire.
Even the most formal business dress codes don't say that seeing the shape of a woman's breasts is unprofessional.

Based on the OP's idea of unprofessional clothing none of the following should be worn:
Office shift dresses
Jersey wrap dresses
Fitted work shirts
Blouses that aren't tent like
Any top that is either fitted (shape of boobs would show) or looser fit (because they tend to drape over the top of women's breasts)
Most tailored work cardigans
V neck and round neck jumpers, unless oversized
Turtle neck jumpers

Phatpheasant · 09/06/2021 09:23

Can't we just trust that the OP knows the difference between what is professional work wear and what isn't, and just wants advice on how to broach the subject.

But professional work attire isn't appropriate work wear for a nanny. If my nanny turned up in skirt suit, mid heels and a blouse I'd question how they could do their job. A stretchy midi dress is much more suitable for being a nanny.

PixieDust28 · 09/06/2021 09:26

So a childminder then, not a nanny, ha.

Also, your DD Changed to a DS in the space of you collecting them and taking them home. 🤥

DeathByWalkies · 09/06/2021 09:29

Maybe next time, shell out for a Norland Nanny instead Hmm

stackemhigh · 09/06/2021 10:01

I thought the same thing too when I saw her.

What's it to do with you if she's hot, OP?!

Original poster
itisworthit · 10/06/2021 13:20

@stackemhigh

I thought the same thing too when I saw her.

What's it to do with you if she's hot, OP?!

She is not attractive- sorry to be blunt.
OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 10/06/2021 13:46

You’re not being blunt you’re just being an arsehole now