...to have this conversation with Nanny

[itisworthit]

NC as I know I'll be roasted for this.

I want to have a conversation with our nanny on how she dresses.

In the summer, one day, she wore a bra top but work a waist coat with it- so I thought this was ok and but my tongue.

Last week, dear Lord, I collected my daughter from her and she was wearing a tight fitting long summer dress (no problem) but no bra and you can see clearly clearly see her breast outline and nipples. I was so shocked. I just hit my tongue and just took DS home.

I want to have a conversation about her regarding this. But I don't know how to broach it without being too insensitive. What should I do? AIBU to bring this up to her?

So you collected your DD, and then you suddenly had a a DS instead. That in itself must have been confusing for you 🤔

I sort of understand this .

She is at work , and at our work we have a dress code .

That’s just to keep things professional .

Surely most people wear different things to work that they do on a night out in a bar or clubbing ?

It’s funny how many people on this thread talk about “professional” dress codes, but never define what that means and why.

The OP’s story smacks a bit of a Reader’s Nannies fantasy anyway.

Her wearing a bra or not is not my concern. What I don't like is clearly seeing her breasts and nipples. I'm sorry if that's prudish. But it just smacks unprofessionalism.

You better call our head teacher then and inform him that almost all female staff are unprofessional for putting clothes on the female body then.

Every day is a school day on Mumsnet. Who knew my FatFace and Boden wrap dresses were so unprofessional

Though seriously OP, if you have a nanny then you are an employer and you're free to have a dress code that states that the female form should not be in any way identifiable and you consider the mere outline of breasts to be unprofessional.

I walked past a man with considerably bigger breasts than me yesterday. I could clearly see his breasts and nipples through his top. However, I refrained from asking him to wear a bra.

We all know the only real difference between my breasts and his are that mine are coded female and therefore obscene, and his aren't.

Assuming you actually have a nanny, you can talk to her about this if you like, she's your employee, and you can make whatever rules you like. But I'm being serious when I say that this isn't a hill I'd die on.

‘ Last week, dear Lord, I collected my daughter from her and she was wearing a tight fitting long summer dress (no problem) but no bra and you can see clearly clearly see her breast outline and nipples. I was so shocked. I just hit my tongue and just took DS home’

I hope you clutched those pearls too. Dear lord.

Is she a good ‘nanny’?

Oh come on you lot, of course it's unprofessional and non appropriate dress for work.

It's not sexism, if a male member wore one of those skin tight T-shirts to work then I'd say the same thing. "Please wear work appropriate clothing whilst at work, wear what you like when not at work."

If you dress modestly and want your child to be with modestly dressed people then say something.

She is a role model in your absence. We all have our own modestly levels and I don’t think I’d be comfortable if ‘paid help’ broke my appropriate personal dress code.
She’s there in your stead.

Please don’t allow your child to be with someone who doesn’t live to your high appropriate standards.
This is mums net and they often make fun of other mums standards. It’s not mumsnet mocking that’s important. This is about your belief and how you want your child to be raised.

I’d say get someone else to care for your child.

If she is your nanny and therefore your employee, do what lots of other employers do and have a dress code.

@Orf1abc

It is professionalism.

It's sexism. Would you tell a man to put on a vest if you could see their nipples through their shirt?

Yes. When my son put on a thin polyester/cotton t shirt that outlined his nipples (and practically the hairs on his chest!) I told him it was inappropriate for school, to save it for the beach.

If the young nanny is dressing to attract attention, then she should "save it" for when she is not child-minding. If she is clueless that she is attracting attention, it would be kind of someone to tell her.

You need a male nanny whose nipples won't offend you.

If you're unhappy, say something about it. I don't see the problem in that.

We had the opposite situation where our nanny bought her own uniform to wear. She did it purely because of practicality and of her own volition, but soon we started getting asked by all and sundry how we'd "got our nanny to wear a uniform" as though we were some sort of eighteenth-century overseers! :-)

Diggingaholeformyself
It depends on the dress, shoes, overall outfit and whether it's practical for the job.

I'd have a much bigger issue with the bra top and waistcoat outfit than the fact a dress shows the shape of a woman's boobs.

So many sheep on here, all under the misapprehension that they are being funny.

No one wants to see another persons breasts, penis outline, uncovered arse at work. It's nothing to do with a child being damaged if they see a body part.

Somethings are just not what you want to see.
Ime the bloke who couldn't stop himself fondling his partners arse as they were in front of me on the escalator. Just no.

I can't wrap my head around being offended by seeing the SHAPE of a woman's breasts under her clothes.

No one wants to see another persons breasts, penis outline, uncovered arse at work. It's nothing to do with a child being damaged if they see a body part. Then why are men with breasts not expected to cover them up? I can clearly see the outline of male breasts under polo shirts at work.

She dressed 'inappropIately' twice in the last 12 months?

This recent one sounds to me like she was off for a night out after dropping your child off.

Let us know how the conversation goes.

I absolutely agree with you, op. I don't think it's professional at all.

Imagine being able to do that without looking like you had three bellybuttons

@Pebbledashery

Are you worried about your husband possibly finding her attractive also?..

I'm a single parent.

Dear Daily Mail g.co/kgs/q65eTg

This is now in my head.

Stop looking at her breasts then 🤷‍♂️
You sound like a perv who is fixated

Yep, agree with this.

You can't police whether people wear bras or not. I very rarely wear a bra, I see no need and I don't see why someone else's comfort should come above my own. I work in a very professional field.

If you don't like it, get another nanny.

She looks after my younger son who attends Nursery part time and does some of the after school pick ups for my daughter.

But you were picking up your daughter, you saw her clothing and only took your son home?

@DuncinToffee

She dressed 'inappropIately' twice in the last 12 months?

This recent one sounds to me like she was off for a night out after dropping your child off.

Let us know how the conversation goes.

Whenever it's hot (and we've hadn't had that much hot weather recently).