Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to have this conversation with Nanny

221 replies

itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:27

NC as I know I'll be roasted for this.

I want to have a conversation with our nanny on how she dresses.

In the summer, one day, she wore a bra top but work a waist coat with it- so I thought this was ok and but my tongue.

Last week, dear Lord, I collected my daughter from her and she was wearing a tight fitting long summer dress (no problem) but no bra and you can see clearly clearly see her breast outline and nipples. I was so shocked. I just hit my tongue and just took DS home.

I want to have a conversation about her regarding this. But I don't know how to broach it without being too insensitive. What should I do? AIBU to bring this up to her?

OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/06/2021 13:35

That’s not a nanny you’ve described. What do you mean you’re collecting your child from her? A nanny works in YOUR home.

Wanttocry · 06/06/2021 13:35

I don't think it's appropriate.

But what actual negative effect do you think it will have on anything?

LolaSmiles · 06/06/2021 13:35

In other news woman has breasts that look like breasts whilst covered with clothing.

HedgeVeg · 06/06/2021 13:36

@PeriMisabastard

Of course yabu Unless she’s flashing to anyone in the vicinity she can wear what she wants. Stop being such a prude…

Wait til your kids find out breasts are for feeding babies… 🙄

Define "flashing" - see through fabric and insufficient coverage is flashing really. Would you feel this way if the staff at your childrens school/nursery dressed like this?
Original poster
itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:36

This.

Also your daughter changed to a son halfway through.

She looks after my younger son who attends Nursery part time and does some of the after school pick ups for my daughter.

OP posts:
Unanananana · 06/06/2021 13:36

She is female, therefore has breasts. Seeing the shape of a breast will not scar your children.

Do you expect her to tape them down? Do you do that so as not to scare your DC? Do you cover their eyes when they see men wandering about shirtless though that could just be my town?

If you are that miffed, find someone else. I'm sure she can fill her childminding space with someone less concerned about her attire.

ghostyslovesheets · 06/06/2021 13:37

OMG a woman - with nipples

BlueDucky · 06/06/2021 13:38

What is wrong with seeing the shape of her breasts?

HedgeVeg · 06/06/2021 13:38

@Wanttocry

I don't think it's appropriate.

But what actual negative effect do you think it will have on anything?

When you boil it down, almost nothing actually has a long term negative effect. Its more to do with respect and professionalism. If the hostesses on an airline dressed this way, or hotel staff, or restaurant servers, or doctors... what impression would it give?

Dressing appropriately sends the message that the person takes their job seriously, that they're focused on their role rather than what they look like.

Original poster
itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:39

I knew posting on AIBU was a mistake. This is now becoming a "joke". I've read other nanny forums and a few are going through similar issues. I don't think it's appropriate sorry.

She wore a bra top- but had a jacket which was ok and now this..

OP posts:
BuffySummersReportingforSanity · 06/06/2021 13:39

Well, it might get her honked at in the street, but that's her business, isn't it? Who gives a shit?

Come to think of it, my nanny has probably seen most or all of my tits given that she worked right through my mat leave with my second. Both of us continue to function.

kowari · 06/06/2021 13:39

Have your children never seen breasts before?

PacifyLulu · 06/06/2021 13:40

The only thing I can think you mean that might make sense if it the dress was see through? Otherwise, yabu

Original poster
itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:40

Thank you hedgeveg!!!

It is professionalism. I work with children day in and day out and no way would I dress like that. My manager would have a fit!

OP posts:
babybabybabybabymother · 06/06/2021 13:41

I can't wear a bra as I have recurring mastitis.
I used to feel so embarrassed about my normal looking, small breasts. I struggled with bras for years but in the end the pain, discomfort and sickness won and I have never looked back.
Nobody has commented to my face.
Never noticed anyone looking (?) but if they do, well, tough luck im afraid.
Her choice of underwear is none of your business and I'm afraid you'd look crazy by bringing it up with her.
What really is the problem? If you're worried she is dressing a bit too sexy for a nanny then fair enough but I don't think wearing a bra should be something women have to do. Good ones are expensive and cheap ones are down right dangerous. and uncomfortable

ivfgottwins · 06/06/2021 13:41

I don't think it's appropriate OP I'm definitely with you on this one. But it's going to be nigh on impossible raising the issue with her.

Maybe something along the lines of "wow I wish I could wear something like that but my nipples point south after having DS" ......

Wanttocry · 06/06/2021 13:42

Would you feel this way if the staff at your childrens school/nursery dressed like this?

At my DD’s nursery they wear branded polo tops, and I literally would not care even the smallest amount if I saw a nipple outline through one of them.

However, as unreasonable as I think OP is in her opinion, I suppose as an employer she wouldn’t be unreasonable to have a dress code of some sort.

CustardSquirrel · 06/06/2021 13:42

Do you give her a generous clothing allowance?

ProudPolyGradSingleMum · 06/06/2021 13:43

Just as well you weren’t around in the 70s.

Waspsarearseholes · 06/06/2021 13:44

Breasts are breast-shaped even when encased in a bra. Some bras even allow the nipples to poke through them too. What you're doing is assuming you have the right to dictate what underwear the childminder wears. Surely you can see that that is hideously inappropriate? Assuming this isn't a load of bollocks of course.

Original poster
itisworthit · 06/06/2021 13:44

@babybabybabybabymother

I can't wear a bra as I have recurring mastitis. I used to feel so embarrassed about my normal looking, small breasts. I struggled with bras for years but in the end the pain, discomfort and sickness won and I have never looked back. Nobody has commented to my face. Never noticed anyone looking (?) but if they do, well, tough luck im afraid. Her choice of underwear is none of your business and I'm afraid you'd look crazy by bringing it up with her. What really is the problem? If you're worried she is dressing a bit too sexy for a nanny then fair enough but I don't think wearing a bra should be something women have to do. Good ones are expensive and cheap ones are down right dangerous. and uncomfortable
Her wearing a bra or not is not my concern. What I don't like is clearly seeing her breasts and nipples. I'm sorry if that's prudish. But it just smacks unprofessionalism.
OP posts:
SmidgenofaPigeon · 06/06/2021 13:45

I like how you’ve said ‘nanny’- it’s obviously quite a privileged thing to have a nanny rather than just a childminder.

babybabybabybabymother · 06/06/2021 13:46

actually I agree on her wearing a belly top actually.
Maybe bring up that but leave the bra out of it. Even with a jacket I'd be a bit Hmm

Orf1abc · 06/06/2021 13:46

It is professionalism.

It's sexism. Would you tell a man to put on a vest if you could see their nipples through their shirt?

ProudPolyGradSingleMum · 06/06/2021 13:47

Smacks of unprofessionalism?How does it do that?

Is she a Norland nanny or something!?

I don’t always wear a padded bra and sometimes my nipples protrude under my clothes and you can see the shape of my breasts.

No one has ever told me I have to wear a padded bra for work. Don’t be ridiculous. Unless she had tassels on them mind your own.