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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Friends sarcy remarks about the way I dress

237 replies

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:03

So i'm 25 and I have 2 close friends.

I'm 5'1 and weigh 7 stone 5 and I have always been quite conscious about my height. I love heels (but moderate heels like heeled boots, wedges, sandals) and I also love dresses. It's my style.

Anyway, not all the time but sometimes my friend's make comments about my clothes that make me feel awkward.

We went for a meal the other day and I wore black jeans with a nice black top and my pale pink heels (probably about 3 inches).
Friend's were in flats and jeans. As we were leaving the restaurant, my friend made a comment about " how do you walk in those heels?" to which I said "easy, you get used to heels".

And as I got in my car and they walked towards there cars together, I heard them still talking about my heels and how it's "typical me" to be wearing them.

It's also been hot the past 2 weeks and last week we met up for a walk. They both were in leggings or jeans and a tshirt, I wore some black shorts with a pink off the shoulder top and white trainers.
It then resulted in a discussion about "I can't believe you're wearing shorts, are you not cold?"
Bear in mind, it was boiling!

I just feel constantly put down. I don't care what other people wear but i'm getting tired of there little snide remarks.
Maybe i'm being over the top but I just want to wear what I want without being interrogated.

OP posts:

SnowWhitesRestingBitchFace · 06/06/2021 12:06

It's just jealousy! To be honest they don't sound very nice at all. I'd continue dressing as you do (because you sound fab!) and ditch the arsehole friends.

Echobelly · 06/06/2021 12:06

I wouldn't be that bothered about their comments, they don't sound snide and they're not really about your dress sense. Maybe they're just people who don't find heels comfortable and feel more cold than you? I wouldn't read too much into it.

GraduallyWatermelon · 06/06/2021 12:07

I think they're (not very tactfully) suggesting that you might not be great at judging what to wear for the occasion.

Where did you go for a meal? If it was casual then heels might have been a bit much. Same with the walking attire.

Original poster

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:10

@GraduallyWatermelon i'm more than capable of dressing myself for occasions.
We were in a nice restaurant which is known to host wedding meals.
And it was just a normal walk to starbucks and along the park.

OP posts:

something2say · 06/06/2021 12:12

I think its unnecessary to pass comments on people's clothing. And these are negative comments too!!

I would say, do you mind NOT commenting on what I'm wearing please, I don't like it

I'll add that they will probably be average dressers with average style, where you, you're already putting together looks and expressing a sense of personal style. Guess who's going to look good consistently? Grow into it xx enjoy being you xx learn to tolerate being seen and different, and be proud of your sense of style x and, be aware that perhaps these friends may not last in your life. If they're the sort who will prefer you to stay small in a box, then they're not that nice and no wonder you don't feel good in their constantly commenting company.

mrsbitaly · 06/06/2021 12:13

Honestly I don't think they are meaning to make you feel the way you are. I'm sure if you told them it was upsetting you they would be mortified. You are probably the girl in thr group that has a great dress sense so it will always be remarked on. I've said to people I can't believe they can walk in heels just purely because I'm jealous I can't lol not to be mean.

Don't take it personally and if you feel like it's going to far just mention it to them

musthavebeenlove · 06/06/2021 12:13

Maybe they are just envious of your sense of style. Dress how you want.
Your style sounds lovely.

Wanttocry · 06/06/2021 12:14

@GraduallyWatermelon

I think they're (not very tactfully) suggesting that you might not be great at judging what to wear for the occasion.

Where did you go for a meal? If it was casual then heels might have been a bit much. Same with the walking attire.

Low heels with jeans doesn’t sound too much for a meal. And shorts and trainers in the weather last week is what I was wearing.

OP they may not mean anything by it but I would also find it a bit annoying if it was always commented on.

ViciousJackdaw · 06/06/2021 12:14

I'm trying to be as sensitive as I can here but about your friends - would they be able to wear the type of clothes you would choose and look good in them?

Poptart4 · 06/06/2021 12:15

Sounds like you always make an effort to look nice and their intimidated by it and yes maybe a little jealous of you.

Are they friends or frenimies?

Next time they say something ask them why they're so bothered by what you wear.

Original poster

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:17

I don't think i'm "that" fashionable in terms of style though apart from I like a heeled boot, which i see plenty of females wearing them and in the restaurant, most women were dressed smart-casual.

I wouldn't mind the odd comment in the way I could of said to them "are you not hot in those jeans?" but i'm "whatever" about what they choose to wear as it doesn't have anything to do with me. What bothers me is the going on and on and on about it. Yes you've commented on my shorts and.yes i've said i'm boiling so leave it there, rather than going on and on about how cold you feel and how you wouldn't be wearing shorts today, even though other people are in shorts and dresses

OP posts:

MaMaD1990 · 06/06/2021 12:17

They sound jealous! Ditch the bitches and stay as you are - sounds like you make a lovely effort in your appearance!

CtrlU · 06/06/2021 12:18

Sounds like they are jealous and I am 100% sure they bitch about you to each other behind your back.

Know when to walk away

funnylittlefloozie · 06/06/2021 12:18

I think its jealousy talking. Why else would anyone comment negatively on what a FRIEND was wearing?

FWIW, I am shorter than the OP, and usually wear heels to work. I wear them so frequently that people comment how short I am when I wear flats . The only two people who ever commented on my heels were both jealous. One of them admitted it openly to me, the other one said unpleasant things to everyone and it was pretty obvious.

AlmostSummer21 · 06/06/2021 12:20

At a little younger than you, I was your height and weight and could run around all day/night in heels and dress nicely.

I got sick after that and my body hasn't been right since. I have put in a lot of weight, I can't wear heals and I can't wear the clothes I want to wear.

Please just ignore them and do what you want, wear what you want (which sounds nice & appropriate for the activity/time of year). And enjoy your youth/figure & style. It can all be taken away in the blink of an eye.

When I had to stop wearing heels (I was off my feet for a good while) I never got back the ability to wear heels comfortably, so maybe they never got to the point where they could wear them comfortably and are disbelieving that you're comfortable in them.

Shorts, maybe they don't feel comfortable in them so it's easier to say it's too cold (despite the obvious heat) they're daft though as they have youth on their side My legs are old & fat & usually swollen due to illness, but it doesn't stop me wearing shorts, but it's definitely not a fashion statement!

Either ignore them or turn it back on them 'err no, it's 25° are you not hot & sweaty in jeans??'

Maybe it's time to start casting your friends net wider....

Original poster

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:21

@funnylittlefloozie it's weird how some people are so negative about heels. However, nobody comments on them apart from my friends. It's not as if i'm constantly walking around in 7inch stilletos, then i'd understand comments about how i'm managing to walk in them, but 2-3 is just an average heel

OP posts:

something2say · 06/06/2021 12:23

Yes she wanted you to feel bad about what you were wearing so you'd rein yourself in a bit and not look as good. Not good friendship behaviour. Pull back from them and try maximising some other friendships for a bit. I've got some lovely friends who have good style. I admire them for it and feel encouraged to be more stylish and put some thought in myself. Dont be small to prevent others from feeling bad about their choices.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 06/06/2021 12:24

Frenemies, not friends.

Clydesider · 06/06/2021 12:25

Oh they are so jealous! You are putting looks together well, to suit your frame & personal style. And looks that you know you're comfy with. And that's why you look great.

Unless I'm going to compliment someone on their outfit, I'd never pass comment. Who on earth brought these women up to think what they're doing is acceptable.

Pity those 2 insensitive, juvenile women and carry on looking fabulous!

baldafrique · 06/06/2021 12:26

I'm imagining that you likely have a much better figure than them and they're envious.

Original poster

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:26

@AlmostSummer21 I hope you're doing okay now and i'm sure you look lovely in your shorts; My mum has only just gained the confidence to show her legs off after a lot of weight gain the past few years and I think everyone should feel free to wear whatever they like without anyone commenting negatively to them

OP posts:

TellySavalashairbrush · 06/06/2021 12:29

Definitely a touch of envy there I think. You carry on wearing exactly what you want to wear. Now I am nearly 50, I so wish I could go back to my 20s/30s and not give a shit what other people thought about me. I covered myself up even at the height of summer, sweating like mad to avoid being judged for the way I looked (I was curvy but convinced I looked huge) what a waste of a life!!
You go girl!!

alfagirl73 · 06/06/2021 12:32

It sounds like jealousy to me. You sound like you have a lovely sense of style, wear nice things etc... and from what you say I expect you have a lovely figure and probably look amazing in what you wear. Their comments sound very much like the tactic of putting you down to make them feel better about themselves.

You can deal with it by either ignoring the remarks knowing it comes from a place of insecurity with them... or you can shut down the conversation each time they do it eg. one word answer then change the subject and don't engage in it. Alternatively you can tell them directly to stop.

Of course you can also consider whether these people really are "friends" and whether you want to give energy to toxic people. Friends should lift you up... not constantly put you down.

Enjoy your clothes... and your heels! It's none of their business what you wear.

Gingerwhinger01 · 06/06/2021 12:34

I don’t necessarily think they are jealous, or attempting to put you down.
I marvel at how some people can walk in heels and 3 inches would be quite high for me. If I made a comment, it would purely be out of admiration than anything else.
Maybe they felt cold when they commented on your shorts.
I would just ask them to stop commenting on your clothes, before deciding they’re obvs jealous and to ditch the bitches, as suggested on this thread. They might be unaware that its bothering you.

Iwonder08 · 06/06/2021 12:35

Plain jealousy and nothings else. Enjoy your shorts and ditch so called friends

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