Friends sarcy remarks about the way I dress

[LoveHeart929w]

So i'm 25 and I have 2 close friends.

I'm 5'1 and weigh 7 stone 5 and I have always been quite conscious about my height. I love heels (but moderate heels like heeled boots, wedges, sandals) and I also love dresses. It's my style.

Anyway, not all the time but sometimes my friend's make comments about my clothes that make me feel awkward.

We went for a meal the other day and I wore black jeans with a nice black top and my pale pink heels (probably about 3 inches).
Friend's were in flats and jeans. As we were leaving the restaurant, my friend made a comment about " how do you walk in those heels?" to which I said "easy, you get used to heels".

And as I got in my car and they walked towards there cars together, I heard them still talking about my heels and how it's "typical me" to be wearing them.

It's also been hot the past 2 weeks and last week we met up for a walk. They both were in leggings or jeans and a tshirt, I wore some black shorts with a pink off the shoulder top and white trainers.
It then resulted in a discussion about "I can't believe you're wearing shorts, are you not cold?"
Bear in mind, it was boiling!

I just feel constantly put down. I don't care what other people wear but i'm getting tired of there little snide remarks.
Maybe i'm being over the top but I just want to wear what I want without being interrogated.

Are they fat?

They are jealous because your so petite and probably look lovely. I would confront them about it, or find new friends xx

Are they bigger girls than you?

Hate to say it but it does sound like envy, trying to not so subtly dig at you to make themselves feel better.

I wouldn’t automatically assume jealousy? It could be they feel you’re going a bit OTT on dressing up all glam for a casual meet up?

I don’t think those comments make them sound jealous,

If one of my friends wear heels I’d probably comment on them and ask how they manage to walk in them, I’m so awkward in heels.

I’d see it as general chit chat and due to being self conscious of your height it’s making you a bit more sensitive!

I don’t think those are put downs. Couldn’t it just be chat and checking that you’re comfortable?

I have never understood why some people are so invested in how other people dress. It doesn't affect them in any way!

I'm a 90's goth and even by the grand old age of 39 I have never really moved past that when it comes to how I dress, it's got a bit more causal, I wear a lot of leggings and long tunic style tops day to day and in the summer I love long floaty black things made of chiffon. I used to love big stompy platform boots too but falling and breaking my ankle put paid to that! I just like being spooky. It's how I feel most comfortable. I'd feel like I was wearing a costume if I dressed 'normally' or whatever.

Of course this has led to certain members of the public expressing their 'distaste' at how I'm dressed. It's ok. I can take it. Your friends however just sound like they are taking the piss and that's not nice. You carry on dressing how you like. It is none of anyone else's business.

I'd comment on someone wearing short shorts and an off the shoulder top for a walk, but that's because walks tend to involve a lot of mud, hills and scratchy, bitey plants with me / around here. For a trip to Starbucks, however, it sounds entirely unremarkable. Asking if you're cold isn't necessarily bitchy, but the rest of it reflects very badly on your friends rather than you. It's bizarre how invested some people are in how others dress.

Thats not how friends talk about you.

I agree that they sound jealous. Although I might say "how do you walk in those heels?" as well because I just can't walk in 3" heels. That would not be meant in a snide way at all, more "why is it that I can't walk in heels and you can" kind of thing.

How boiling hot was it? I find jeans far too warm in hot weather, but one person's boiling is another person's warm. You only have to read the "I hate summer" threads on here to find that some posters think that 17 degrees is boiling hot. Whereas 17 degrees is jeans and cardigan weather for me.

@PuppyMonkey I wouldn't say black jeans and a black top is "all glam" nor would I say black shorts and pink top is "all glam" .
Now if I showed up in a prom dress and silver stilletos and professionally done makeup - yes that "all glam"

Takes me 5 mins to throw on my jeans and tshirt, same with the shorts and tshirts.
Makeup takes me probably just under 10 minutes.
I'm honestly not going "all glam"

@RampantIvy can't remember the exact temperature but boiling enough for the freckles on my face to come out haha!

I'm usually a 'colder' person in terms of I feel cold easily

It sounds like they think you put how you look before your own comfort.

OP some of these replies are clearly people projecting their negative experiences onto you.

So I'll do the same... but from a positive point of view

It's just chat - they probably mean absolutely nothing by it. They are literally throw away comments

You are being over sensitive! Maybe you feel a little insecure? Have a bit of a chip on your shoulder? I say that in the nicest possible way. Because you are overthinking this.

If it really bothers you:

Say something - in a lighthearted way - you two are obsessed with what I wear, it's getting weird!

Or, if you hate confrontation (everyone does, the above is not confrontational) just chalk it up to people chatting and stop worrying about it.

Certainly don't pay attention to a load of people
feeding your insecurities by pretending to know what's going on in their heads - and over complicating it.

I mean one PP has told you to walk away from the friendship! MN can be a little extreme sometimes.

Enjoy what you wear. At your age I lived in 3 inch heels and I'm 5.6. Enjoy them and wear with joy and abandon because when you get to my age you will live in flats due to comfort/inability to walk in their anymore.

Stop worrying. Wear what you like. Don't obsess over a few throwaway comments.

@astonafar but I am comfortable, extremely comfortable in what I wear.
Leggings and jeans don't = comfort. In fact, I find dresses more comfortable than jeans.
My shorts were paperbag shorts aswell so much more comfortable than jeans in my opinion

@Shannith i'm not insecure in what I wear at all. I love.my clothes and feel very pretty most of the time (not in a I love myself way, but I feel good kind of way). It's only when the comments are made that i'm taken aback.
And I don't mind the odd comment, what I don't like is a whole negative conversation about my clothes. Fair enough say you don't feel comfortable in heels, but they don't need a full blown negative conversation, basically tutting at my shorts. Especially when more people were walking about in shorts/dresses/maxi skirts that day than leggings

@ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind

Are they fat?

This

@LoveHeart929w I find dresses more comfortable. But their remarks were about heels and being cold. So both comfort related.
I suspect though it is just a throw away chat. I mean my DP gets hot easily and wears t shorts when others are in jackets. He often gets asked arent you cold, he just says no I get hot easily. It is pretty meaningless chat.
Look more at how people treat you than everyday chat. It is easy to read too much into this. And remember when people on MN give advice on friendships, there are a lot of people on MN who admit to having no friends.

They do not sound jealous.

That is a hell of a leap from the comments they have made.

They sound like people making conversation.

I love the MN crazy (everything is black and white, everyone is out to get you, go no contact and live in a cave) most of the time but sometimes the advice is so keyboard warrior/back seat psychiatry that I'm agog.

Half the replies are just making massive leaps or as I say, projecting.

Remember you are getting advice from a lot of people with their own issues and it's not a balanced, considered, impartial view.

Of course, I include myself in that.

But I'm pretty zen.

Sounds like you dress up for events that they dress down for.

Totally just be yourself. I think it's sad when people dress like clones. I'm mega casual and I never feel the need to change what I wear unless it's a wedding then I'd dress up.

It sounds like they are disapproving of the heels, and the typical remark sounds like they thought you were overdressed.
I would not have said this to a friend. But I do socialise with one woman who is always overdressed and who I suspect would say she is not. But I too am zen about stuff like this, I don't give a damn.

Was it really a full on conversation/tutting at your clothes?

Next time just say something like "will you give over discussing my clothes, you are giving me a complex"

Or even say it's making you feel paranoid.

If they carry on (and by that I don't mean never mention what you wear ever again) but actually criticise what you are wearing (not just commenting) then sure, they are evil, fat, jealous bitches and you should cut them from your life.

It’s a bit hard to tell if it’s jealously / mild bitchiness, or if it’s just that they are slightly boring people who get stuck on a loop about a couple of subjects as small talk.

Anyway to give them the benefit of the doubt just tell them it’s getting on your nerves, you don’t comment on what they wear so can they quit with you. It sounds like you have a slightly more individualised dress sense than them and also from your posts you sound confident in yourself, it also be they find this ever so slightly intimidating. Hopefully it’ll settle but you might want to expand your friendship group.

@KatherineJaneway but i'm not going to start not wearing what I like just because it might offend those who like more lounge-wear.
Plus what's not casual about shorts and trainers? And why not wear heels to a meal?