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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friends sarcy remarks about the way I dress

237 replies

LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 12:03

So i'm 25 and I have 2 close friends.

I'm 5'1 and weigh 7 stone 5 and I have always been quite conscious about my height. I love heels (but moderate heels like heeled boots, wedges, sandals) and I also love dresses. It's my style.

Anyway, not all the time but sometimes my friend's make comments about my clothes that make me feel awkward.

We went for a meal the other day and I wore black jeans with a nice black top and my pale pink heels (probably about 3 inches).
Friend's were in flats and jeans. As we were leaving the restaurant, my friend made a comment about " how do you walk in those heels?" to which I said "easy, you get used to heels".

And as I got in my car and they walked towards there cars together, I heard them still talking about my heels and how it's "typical me" to be wearing them.

It's also been hot the past 2 weeks and last week we met up for a walk. They both were in leggings or jeans and a tshirt, I wore some black shorts with a pink off the shoulder top and white trainers.
It then resulted in a discussion about "I can't believe you're wearing shorts, are you not cold?"
Bear in mind, it was boiling!

I just feel constantly put down. I don't care what other people wear but i'm getting tired of there little snide remarks.
Maybe i'm being over the top but I just want to wear what I want without being interrogated.

OP posts:
Skyliner001 · 06/06/2021 13:12

Are you slimmer than them? It sounds like jealousy.

PineappleCakes · 06/06/2021 13:12

I'm similar to you OP, short and often in heels to compensate and because I like the way I look wearing them.

Numerous acquaintances and friends have remarked over the years about how "glamorous" or overdressed I am, compared to them. I don't care, I wear what I like and enjoy it. I'm not indecently dressed so it really doesn't matter whether anyone else thinks I'm dressed appropriately or not.

Revel in your comfort and enjoyment of your style. Tell them to embrace the differences between each other's styles and to stop harping on about your style.

midsomermurderess · 06/06/2021 13:13

Well said, Shannith.

astonafar · 06/06/2021 13:14

@LoveHeart929w shorts, trainers and a pink off the shoulder top can look very casual or pretty dressed up.
Just as a dress with sandals can look very casual or very dressed up.

Imnothereforthedrama · 06/06/2021 13:14

I honestly don’t think they are being bitchy it’s what people say . I’ve heard it myself to someone wearing heels and it wasn’t at all meant to be bitchy and no offence was taken .
I think you are too sensitive and wear what you want who cares .

Orgasmagorical · 06/06/2021 13:14

LoveHeart the next time they go on and on about what you're wearing you could ask them directly if they have an issue with the way you dress as it seems to be a big part of their 'conversation'.

Original poster
LoveHeart929w · 06/06/2021 13:14

Definitely a negative conversation.
I do not get offended by off-remarks "are you not cold?" as these are just general phrases.
What annoys me is the ongoing talk about it, especially between the two of them.
Them walking off still talking about my dress sense after the meal was the tipping point

OP posts:
KeepingTrack · 06/06/2021 13:15

@GraduallyWatermelon

I think they're (not very tactfully) suggesting that you might not be great at judging what to wear for the occasion.

Where did you go for a meal? If it was casual then heels might have been a bit much. Same with the walking attire.

What if the OP was over dressed for the meal? Does it matter? That’s her style and she should be accepted like she is. It hasn’t stopped her to do anything with said friends so is of no relevance really.

@LoveHeart929w, are they really your friends?

gavisconismyfriend · 06/06/2021 13:15

Try modelling the behaviours you’d like to see from them in response to their questions and see if they get the message e.g. they say”aren’t you cold in those shorts” and you say”no, I put them on cos I knew I’d feel hot today. That’s a nice top you’re wearing, it really suits you”. It might shame them into nicer behaviour. PS I agree with PPs who say you friends are jealous!

RosaBudDrood · 06/06/2021 13:15

shorts, trainers and a pink off the shoulder top can look very casual or pretty dressed up

Who cares if it is though?

astonafar · 06/06/2021 13:16

@RosaBudDrood Nobody. But OP keeps insisting it is casual because it is shorts and trainers. It might be, but it sounds from her friends that she does dress up more than them.

murbblurb · 06/06/2021 13:16

Boring conversation.

3 inches is not an average heel, it is a staggerer - but up to you. I think heels look ridiculous so I never comment. But as long as you didn't turn up in them to go for a walk, no issue.

RosaBudDrood · 06/06/2021 13:17

[quote astonafar]@RosaBudDrood Nobody. But OP keeps insisting it is casual because it is shorts and trainers. It might be, but it sounds from her friends that she does dress up more than them.[/quote]
And?

astonafar · 06/06/2021 13:18

I agree 3 inches is a very high heel.
OP they think you overdress.
I suspect you do dress up far more than them.

RosaBudDrood · 06/06/2021 13:19

@astonafar

I agree 3 inches is a very high heel. OP they think you overdress. I suspect you do dress up far more than them.
You're relentless aren't you? 😂

OP, wear what you want. Ignore the jealous women.

HappyWipings · 06/06/2021 13:22

They sound very bitchy op , not at all like any friends I'd like to spend time with.

Wear what you like but ditch the 'mates'.

Pancakeorcrepe · 06/06/2021 13:22

They should not criticize what you wear, just wear what you think is nice and you feel comfortable in.
I do socialise with a person who is always overdressed for the occasion, but that is fine, everyone should dress how they want. It is the same person that dresses for looks rather than comfort and she will swear she is comfortable but doesn’t look it at all.
With regards to high heels, I think this is because you hardly see people wearing them anymore so they can be considered a bit dated. As less and less people wear them, when someone does, it will look stand outy and glamorous even when paired with jeans. You should wear heels if you want to but it is obvious that they are not healthy for anyone. They contort your body in an unnatural position. I would never criticize someone for wearing them but I would think to myself why someone wants to do that to their health for the sake of looking more glamorous.

astonafar · 06/06/2021 13:22

@RosaBudDrood I am not at all jealous Grin
I can't think of anything I would like less than walking around in 3-inch heels.
There are a lot of assumptions about jealousy on this forum that I suspect are rarely true.
Wear what you want. But if you are an outlier in terms of what you wear to occasions, there are always people who comment on it. Personally I had a lot of time for people like goths who were self-confident in being outliers in what they wore. I think if you are going to be an outlier you have to be self-confident in what you wear.

RosaBudDrood · 06/06/2021 13:23

[quote astonafar]@RosaBudDrood I am not at all jealous Grin
I can't think of anything I would like less than walking around in 3-inch heels.
There are a lot of assumptions about jealousy on this forum that I suspect are rarely true.
Wear what you want. But if you are an outlier in terms of what you wear to occasions, there are always people who comment on it. Personally I had a lot of time for people like goths who were self-confident in being outliers in what they wore. I think if you are going to be an outlier you have to be self-confident in what you wear.[/quote]
Didn't say you were. I was on about OP's friends.

KatherineJaneway · 06/06/2021 13:23

[quote LoveHeart929w]@KatherineJaneway but i'm not going to start not wearing what I like just because it might offend those who like more lounge-wear.
Plus what's not casual about shorts and trainers? And why not wear heels to a meal?[/quote]
@LoveHeart929w
It sounds to me like they feel inferior as you are dressing 'up' when they want to be casual. It can be very hard when you arrive at a venue and someone has dressed with real care and you feel like 'I thought this was a casual dinner, didn't realise anyone was dressing up'. It can be unpleasant and taint the event as you feel so out of place and have really read the situation wrong.

The thing is some women have chic and can dress in the most basic of clothes but look like they belong in Vogue.

CarnationCat · 06/06/2021 13:24

They sound like nice outfits.

I don't think your friends are particularly jealous. I think these are just normal comments and conversation.

However, do they ever compliment you? Tell you they like your top/dress etc? Friends should big you up, you shouldn't feel put down by them.

Asia98 · 06/06/2021 13:25

As a person who puts comfort first (Im always in jeans top trainers leggings etc) I am always so jealous of women who dress up. Wish I could wear heels! I just don't find them comfy but I always think anyone who wears them looks fabulous.

You need new friends!

astonafar · 06/06/2021 13:25

And 3 inch heels are seen now as old-fashioned. So nothing wrong with them, but no they are not casual.
I was in town last night and I noticed the one young woman walking about in very high heels because it was so unusual.

Pinkblueberry · 06/06/2021 13:26

I don’t usually think people are jealous when they say things the OP doesn’t like - but yes they are definitely jealous. I think it’s a shame that as your friends they can’t simply compliment you for looking good. They sound a bit sad and not particularly nice.

MumofSpud · 06/06/2021 13:26

They are 100% jealous of what you look like.
This is why,IMO, women won't rule the world - we are all to busy bitching unnecessarily about each other!
I bet your friends are not as a) slim b) dress as well as you!!