To not understand why people doubt male bisexuality?

[zenithfreedom]

Bisexuality is ironically stigmatized not just amongst some straight people but in LGBT circle. It's common for people to believe "bi woman are really just straight and bi men are just gay".

But when it comes to males and being attracted to both genders, many people doubt it. I recently thought about this as my workmate has a boyfriend who she was discussing is bi and she was a bit wary of that but accepted it. Most other girls said that he's deluding himself and it's only a matter of time before he starts shagging other guys/looking for them on Grindr.

I think that the reason why there are less bisexual men anecdotally and by statistics isn't because it's less common but rather the stigma.
In actual fact, I would have thought that bisexuality would be more common in males, the reason being is that men have a higher sex drive and are overrepresented in paraphilias and fetishes compared to women. So wouldn't men be more likely to have sex with their gender than women.

Homophobic? Seriously? I have every right to be sexually turned off being with a bisexual man, without being called a homophobe.

None of that explains your bizarre and frankly offensive comment that a poster was being ‘rapey’ by accusing you of being homophobic.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

Homophobic? Seriously? I have every right to be sexually turned off being with a bisexual man, without being called a homophobe.

None of that explains your bizarre and frankly offensive comment that a poster was being ‘rapey’ by accusing you of being homophobic.

@StillCoughingandLaughing Accusing a woman of being a homophobe because they are sexually repulsed by being with a man who's also into men is ridiculous and suggests that a women ought to be (commanded/forced to be) attracted to bi men, otherwise she's anti gay rights. I have every right to feel queasy about thoughts of me sleeping with a man who has slept with men and or is sexually aroused by men.

I am allowed to feel turned off about anything ,and express it, without being told I am being phobic about it.

And yet you STILL haven’t explained the ‘rapey’ comment...

@SolarDay completely agree. A woman isn’t homophobic because she doesn’t want to have a sexual relationship with a bisexual man. This conversation came up on a night out a long while ago and almost all the women present said they wouldn’t date a bisexual man. Are women “transphobic” because they don’t want to have sex with a trans woman? You can’t police people’s bodies and genitals and choices. It’s not the workplace and no equality laws apply in dating.

There’s lots of types of religions/looks/backgrounds/relationship histories I wouldn’t enter into relationships with but that doesn’t mean I don’t think these people aren’t worthwhile or unequal to me or that I despise them. It a personal choice.

My bi male friend ended up hooking up with far more guys than girls when single because there were just way more guys on the gay scene who were up for a casual thing. Most of his LTR though have been women and he's always been faithful (OK as far as I know but he's a trust worthy person).

I do think women's sexuality though sometimes is viewed as purely existing for the benefit of men. A woman who has a fling with another women is really just a fun flirty silly thing (pillow fights and sleep overs etc) which shouldn't be taken seriously.

1. As for a woman choosing not to have a relationship with a bi male, l assume that is her choice. Maybe the reasoning is often not very robust though.

That sounds an awful lot like a questioning/doubting that a woman isn't solid/sure on her sexual preferences when they explicitly state what they are with a simple "no".

I am neither sexually or romantically attracted to bisexual men. The only possible motivation for questioning here is coercion. Sexual coercion is rape.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

And yet you STILL haven’t explained the ‘rapey’ comment...

I have.

See most recent post too.

You don't have to be attracted to bisexual men but equally you have any overall right to know who your partner is attracted to. You're not entitled to that information unless he chooses to share it so you may well have been with a bi guy and just not known it.

I do think it's strangely close minded to completely right off bisexual guys and it might sometimes betray homophobic tendencies. That doesn't mean you're not entitled to have that preference. A man could have a preference for only being attracted to women with no sexual history for example or who had no overt sexuality. I would probably worry about the man's motives but he's entitled to his preference.

I don't get the issue with this - especially i relation to a male partner of a woman being bisexual and then going off with a man. Surely a straight man could just as easily go off with another woman.

Bizarre and agree that bisexuality is fetishised

I have a right to not be called phobic because I am sexually turned off by the thought of being with a bisexual man.

I have the right not to be forced into finding bisexual men sexually attractive.

I have the right to say I am turned off by the thought of sleeping with a man who is bisexual.

I have the right to say no, this sexually repulses me.

I have the right to autonomy over my body and who I choose/prefer to share it with intimately.

Suggesting that I am homophobic or wrong or need reprogramming because my own sexual feelings and sexual boundaries is sexual coercion. Sexual coercion is rape.

@HamAndButterSandwich

I do think it's strangely close minded to completely right off bisexual guys and it might sometimes betray homophobic tendencies. That doesn't mean you're not entitled to have that preference. A man could have a preference for only being attracted to women with no sexual history for example or who had no overt sexuality. I would probably worry about the man's motives but he's entitled to his preference.

How is bisexuality and submission comparable?

@SolarDay It's a sexual preference. You have a right to your preference you don't have a right to determine how other people view you as a result of that preference. You may not like it but that's just tough.

A man's sexual history affects your attraction to him, no one can force you to change that but they can and will judge you for it (either positively or negatively). Just as I might judge a man for his sexual preferences.

@SolarDay

I have a right to not be called phobic because I am sexually turned off by the thought of being with a bisexual man.

I have the right not to be forced into finding bisexual men sexually attractive.

I have the right to say I am turned off by the thought of sleeping with a man who is bisexual.

I have the right to say no, this sexually repulses me.

I have the right to autonomy over my body and who I choose/prefer to share it with intimately.

Suggesting that I am homophobic or wrong or need reprogramming because my own sexual feelings and sexual boundaries is sexual coercion. Sexual coercion is rape.

That is pathetic and offensive. I hope to god that no one who has actually been raped is reading this drivel.

@SolarDay

Stop being so ridiculous and hysterical by the way. No one is forcing you to have sex with anyone you don't want to.

@StillCoughingandLaughing Agreed it is absolutely ridiculous equating judgement to rape is horrific.

I have a right to not be called phobic

No, you don't. You literally don't. Why on earth do you think you have a right to remove and censor other women's right to free speech?? It's pretty ironic that you call other women rapey at the same time you're trying to control and dictate what other opinions other women are allowed to have.

Freedom of speech is a basic human right. There is no such thing as the "right" to say whatever you like without criticism or anyone having a negative opinion. If you post something which other people find offensive, they are allowed to express that opinion.

No one gives a shit who you choose to have sex with or not have sex with. Show me one post suggesting you somehow should be obligated to sleep with bisexual men?? Nowhere.

Women are calling you homophobic because you posted that the idea of homosexuals makes you feel like vomiting. (Is it only gay men who make you feel like vomiting, or do queer women like me also make you feel like vomiting?) Do you really not see the difference between "it's homophobic to post slurs about queer people" and "all women must have sex with bisexual men"?

Suggesting that I am homophobic or wrong or need reprogramming because my own sexual feelings and sexual boundaries is sexual coercion. Sexual coercion is rape.

Literally no-one has said you need reprogramming or that you're homophobic because you don't want to sleep with bisexual men.

You're homophobic because you called homosexual sex "boak".

Your right to bodily autonomy (which you absolutely have) does not give you carte blanche to be a bigot to those you don't want to sleep with.

@Lockheart

Suggesting that I am homophobic or wrong or need reprogramming because my own sexual feelings and sexual boundaries is sexual coercion. Sexual coercion is rape.

Literally no-one has said you need reprogramming or that you're homophobic because you don't want to sleep with bisexual men.

You're homophobic because you called homosexual sex "boak".

Your right to bodily autonomy (which you absolutely have) does not give you carte blanche to be a bigot to those you don't want to sleep with.

I said the "thought of me being with a man who 'likes and gives the D' (informal talk) repulses me. Boak"

That is completely different to than saying that homosexual is boak!

I'm allowed to be turned off by men who've been with men or who fancy men!

@SolarDay "I said the "thought of me being with a man who 'likes and gives the D' (informal talk) repulses me. Boak""

No, you didn't. You said:

I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

It's in your post on page 4.

Let's rephrase this shall we?

"I'm just not attracted to black men. Boak"

"I'm just not attracted to foreigners. Boak"

"I'm just not attracted to Jewish people. Boak"

"I'm just not attracted to wheelchair users. Boak"

Your post was homophobic as fuck and the fact you're protesting so much tells me that you know it.

Like I've said, your right to sleep with whoever you like does not give you the right to make bigoted slurs.

I'm wondering if I'm completely gross and weird but if I'm totally 100% honest the thought of a male partner having had other male partners turns me on. I 100% know that that is somewhat problematic because I don't want to fetishise someone else's sexuality. And I've read the thread and seen the comments from bisexual woman saying how awful it is to be fetishised by potential male partners. But I'd be absolutely lying to say that I didn't find it a little bit attractive. I wouldn't be angling for a threesome with another guy or anything but in the grand scheme of things, I would lean toward finding it a turn on rather than a turn off or something I felt neutral about.

Gay women are telling you that posting "the thought of gay people makes me vomit" is homophobic, and you're trying to censor their right to an opinion.

Pretending that gay women expressing an opinion is somehow trying to force or coerce you into something is just sheer manipulation.

No one gives a shit who you do or do not choose to sleep with.

@SolarDay

Calling a woman homophobic because they are turned off at being intimate with bisexual men is on the continuum of sexual violence because it suggests that they need convincing that they need to come round to the idea that their sexual preference is wrong/irrational, that their ideas need conversion. That's coercion.

Forcing someone against their will to agree that they ought to be attracted to someone or comfortable with something or owe it the other person, is coercion. In this case, sexual coercion. How is forcing someone to become sexually attracted to bisexual men not sexual coercion? It's rapey.

There's a difference between not being attracted to bisexual men and calling them boak. And there is a massive fucking difference between calling someone homophobic and raping them.

[quote TheLastLotus]@SarahAndQuack while it’s possible to be unaware that you’re bisexual , it’s really impossible to think you’re bi and be actually straight unless you’re actively deluding yourself just to be ‘cool’.
If you’re not aroused at all by members of the opposite sex (binary etc is a different discussion) then you’re straight. If you are, but have a ‘preference’ (for example more likely to find more men attractive than a female) you are still bi.

It’s possible to have sex with people you’re not sexually attracted to. That doesn’t mean you magically become bi or straight. It’s similar to straight people having sex with people they’re not attracted to. Some people can, for others it’s impossible.[/quote]
I don't think that's true at all. Sexuality is quite hard to understand.