To not understand why people doubt male bisexuality?

[zenithfreedom]

Bisexuality is ironically stigmatized not just amongst some straight people but in LGBT circle. It's common for people to believe "bi woman are really just straight and bi men are just gay".

But when it comes to males and being attracted to both genders, many people doubt it. I recently thought about this as my workmate has a boyfriend who she was discussing is bi and she was a bit wary of that but accepted it. Most other girls said that he's deluding himself and it's only a matter of time before he starts shagging other guys/looking for them on Grindr.

I think that the reason why there are less bisexual men anecdotally and by statistics isn't because it's less common but rather the stigma.
In actual fact, I would have thought that bisexuality would be more common in males, the reason being is that men have a higher sex drive and are overrepresented in paraphilias and fetishes compared to women. So wouldn't men be more likely to have sex with their gender than women.

@SolarDay

No comment except that a man I once dated confided in me a few weeks in that he was bisexual. Complete turn off.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

You’re homophobic. HTH.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.
These threads always turn into homophobic straight women having a weird fixation with men having anal sex.

You do realise plenty of gay and bisexual men never or rarely have anal sex, right?

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.
"Settle" as in "settle down with" or settle as in "be willing to settle for"? Statistically most bisexual men end up marrying / in LTRs with women. Maybe in some cases it's due to societal pressure, or because they want children. But plenty of bisexual men end up with women because the person they fell in love with happened to be a woman. Because that's what being bisexual means: you have the capacity to fall in love with and be sexually attracted to both men and women.

My best friend is a bisexual man and is mostly celibate (because of work addiction). He's had LTRs with both men and women.

I think it's a hangover from days when homophobia was more widely perpetuated and accepted and bisexuality confused stupid people.

Having said that - I knew many bisexual men and women at Uni and in the years after. I noticed the women ended up with men, and the men ended up with men

I think nobody is 100% straight.

Oh bore off with that nonsense!

I am 100% straight. I have never, ever once in any way shape or form been the slightest bit attracted to any woman. I can recognise when a woman is nice looking but that's not the same as having an attraction.

People need to stop peddling this bullshit

More extreme? We don’t do it while white water rafting.

🤣🤣🤣 possibly my new favourite line from MN!

No comment except that a man I once dated confided in me a few weeks in that he was bisexual. Complete turn off.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

You’re homophobic. HTH.

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

@LaBellina

I think nobody is 100% straight.

I think the balance/ percentage of how straight you are just differs from person to person. That said, I wouldn’t want to be in a relationship with a bisexual man. I have a few gay friends that I love to bits and I wouldn’t mind if DS came out as gay or bisexual but the idea of being in a relationship with a guy who also likes to have sex with men, just puts me off. No idea why and it’s very much a feeling because on a rational level I believe we’re all a bit bisexual.

Completely agree with this

This thread makes for hard reading as a bisexual. Though I settled down with a man very young so no doubt I don't count in most of your books.

@SolarDay

No comment except that a man I once dated confided in me a few weeks in that he was bisexual. Complete turn off.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

You’re homophobic. HTH.

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

I agree.

I once even discussed this with one of my gay friends and he said he completely understood that some women do not want to have sex with men who are having or have had sex with other men.

@SolarDay

No comment except that a man I once dated confided in me a few weeks in that he was bisexual. Complete turn off.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

You’re homophobic. HTH.

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

No, you're homophobic because you use the word "boak" to describe men who have sex with men.

Who you sleep with is up to you.

I once even discussed this with one of my gay friends and he said he completely understood that some women do not want to have sex with men who are having or have had sex with other men.

As is their right. No-ones body is an equal access opportunity and everyone has the right to date and sleep with who they want.

But if you start saying "I won't date bisexual men because they are boak" / "I won't date X race because they're dirty" / "I won't date whatever group because they are whatever stereotype or negative characteristic", then you're a bit of a cunt.

My DH is bisexual. His take on his own sexuality (he's very clear on his opinion that all sexualities are a sliding scale, bisexuality in particular) is that while he is sexually attracted to both men and women, the sex is completely different with both. Sex with men for him is a more primal thing, but sex with women is more sensual. He says sex with men is like scratching an itch but sex with women is more of an event? He says he can't explain it other than that, and says he doesn't think he could ever be in a committed relationship with a man despite being sexually attracted to them.

We met at uni (although got together many years later) and his early 20s it was something he really struggled to understand before eventually landing on not trying to over-analyse it and just going with the flow. We've been happily married for 8 years now, and it doesn't bother me, I know who he is and know he's committed to me - plus I knew him a long time beforehand so nothing was a shock to me.

Back in my day bisexuality was a gentle way of coming out. The boys at college or uni would say I'm bi, then a few years later transition to sayings I'm gay. But times were less open minded then.

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

‘Rapey’? Seriously?

Thank you for this thread OP my 20 year DS came out as bi last year and I am worried about his future many of you have explained it really well

As a woman in her early 40s, who is right down the middle on Kinsey, I have several thoughts here.

1. I don’t agree that men have a higher sex drive than women, although l think they peak at different times. And it helps if men can find the clitoris! Throughout history women have had to carry the risk of unwanted pregnancy( access to efficient contraception is relatively new in the scheme of things. There are also negative misogynonistic attitudes to being sex positive, leading to name calling and in extreme cases honour killings.

1. Whether it’s society upbringing or something else, l don't know, but from a young age girls are far more tactile than boys, platonic friends hug and sometimes kiss regularly and this goes on into adulthood. In spite of men, weeing together etc, they seem less comfortable with the touch of another. This could be an area where bi men might run into issues.

1. Rather than bisexual, I prefer to see myself as “sexual” without the prefix. I’m comfortable with that. In addition, it’s not something l tend to discuss with men that I have been in a friendship with; some then expect a threesome or at the very least a floorshow. I am not male entertainment centre.

1. I have been criticised for saying this on MN before (often by people claiming to be 100% heterosexual) but l do think sexuality can be fluid.

1. As for a woman choosing not to have a relationship with a bi male, l assume that is her choice. Maybe the reasoning is often not very robust though.

@StillCoughingandLaughing

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

‘Rapey’? Seriously?

Homophobic? Seriously?

I have every right to be sexually turned off being with a bisexual man, without being called a homophobe.

1. As for a woman choosing not to have a relationship with a bi male, l assume that is her choice. Maybe the reasoning is often not very robust though.

How about "no"... "no, I am not attracted to bisexual men". No is a complete answer, no on it's own is more than robust, no without having to explain yourself. No, no, no.

How about you respect other people's boundaries?

@StarlightLady

@SolarDay - saying “that is her choice” is having respect for other people’s boundaries.

So l don’t think there is any need for the .

@SolarDay

No comment except that a man I once dated confided in me a few weeks in that he was bisexual. Complete turn off.

I'm in no way homophobic, I'm just not attracted to men who also love giving/getting the D. Boak.

You’re homophobic. HTH.

I'm homophobic because I am not sexually attracted to men who are sexually attracted to men? What a rapey thing to say.

Saying that men who are attracted to men make you boak is homophobic. And immature.

These threads always descend into comments like this.

Saying that men who are attracted to men make you boak is homophobic. And immature.

@wed8pril Don't twist my words. In my OP I said that I would find it sexually repulsive to sleep with a man who is sexually attracted to men. That doesn't mean I hate gay and bisexual men as people or do not agree with their right to sexual orientation.

Using a single word to describe the intensity of my repulsion to sleeping with/dating a bisexual man is neither homophobic or immature, it is concise.

1. As for a woman choosing not to have a relationship with a bi male, l assume that is her choice. Maybe the reasoning is often not very robust though.

No is no. You no right to question/doubt/measure anyone's reasoning for their personal choices and boundaries in relationships or otherwise.

Back in my day bisexuality was a gentle way of coming out. The boys at college or uni would say I'm bi, then a few years later transition to sayings I'm gay. But times were less open minded then.

I tried to come out as bisexual (80s) but it was made clear to me I needed to pick a side to be accepted.

@SolarDay - l don’t have the right to question anyone’s reasoning. You are right about that. But l didn’t do that either.

This is a discussion forum about people's viewpoints. As a bisexual female l do have a right to express a view; it represented my thoughts, it’s not a lifestyle guide.

I’m bowing out here.