To not understand why people doubt male bisexuality?

[zenithfreedom]

Bisexuality is ironically stigmatized not just amongst some straight people but in LGBT circle. It's common for people to believe "bi woman are really just straight and bi men are just gay".

But when it comes to males and being attracted to both genders, many people doubt it. I recently thought about this as my workmate has a boyfriend who she was discussing is bi and she was a bit wary of that but accepted it. Most other girls said that he's deluding himself and it's only a matter of time before he starts shagging other guys/looking for them on Grindr.

I think that the reason why there are less bisexual men anecdotally and by statistics isn't because it's less common but rather the stigma.
In actual fact, I would have thought that bisexuality would be more common in males, the reason being is that men have a higher sex drive and are overrepresented in paraphilias and fetishes compared to women. So wouldn't men be more likely to have sex with their gender than women.

@YouShouldLeave

All i said was that the bi women i know are married to men.

What you did was saw phobia where it wasn’t and called me names 🙃

You said:

I know most (all) bi women do end up with men, though.

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.

@AryaStarkWolf

Odd isn't how in both cases people automatically think both Bi women and Bi men must really be more into men, I wonder why that is?

Can't think

@cookiecreampie

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.

What do you mean by extreme?

@cookiecreampie

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.

What?

@cookiecreampie

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.

What's 'extreme' about it exactly? Why is lesbian sex less 'extreme'?

Agree with the PP who said there’s rampant homophobia and biphobia on MN. It’s always the same conversation - “I’m not bi/homophobic, but I’d never date a bi man.” That’s fine, date or don’t date whoever you like for whatever reason, but admit that some of your preferences arise from prejudice. Then there’s more overt biphobia like saying it’s emasculating, it makes a man less manly, it’s a turn off, they’ll cheat or be unclean. Again, fine, nobody wants to force anyone to date people they don’t want to, but that doesn’t mean it’s not prejudice!

@AryaStarkWolf

Odd isn't how in both cases people automatically think both Bi women and Bi men must really be more into men, I wonder why that is?

Great response!!!!!! Because men are knobs who think they are sexually irresistible, even despite evidence to the contrary.

TedMullins

Agree with the PP who said there’s rampant homophobia and biphobia on MN. It’s always the same conversation - “I’m not bi/homophobic, but I’d never date a bi man.” That’s fine, date or don’t date whoever you like for whatever reason, but admit that some of your preferences arise from prejudice.

I would also add aphobia, and the push to the narrative that ALL (not just their) relationships must include sex, otherwise it’s just a friendship/ they’re roommates.

Great post @EpitomeofAnOldBattle. Agree with all of it. It’s the “power of the penetrating penis” phenomenon. If a woman sleeps with 100 women but 1 man, she’s straight but if a man sleeps with 100 women but 1 man, he’s gay.

Agree with everything you said about relationships too. Straight men are more accepting of a female partner who is bisexual because they either think it’s hot/they might get a threesome out of it and because they only see other males as a sexual rival threat in evolutionary terms. Straight women tend to not be accepting of a male partner if he is bisexual for the reasons you mentioned (admittedly, I fall into this. I wouldn’t choose to be in a relationship with a man who has slept with other men. It’s a personal preference).

However, like you said, lesbian women are more wary of bisexual women because they think they are fully straight and will leave them for a man but gay men like the thought of being with a man who’s slept with women because of the perception that he is more masculine/red blooded because he sleeps with women too.

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda
It’s not that simple, Bi encompasses same and opposite sex attention for a lot of people. Most Bi people I know, myself included, are attracted to people regardless of gender. Not saying there aren’t Bi people who are only attracted to cos men and women but they’re not the norm

My theory on why bi men might have more male partners is simply, it's easier to hook up with men than women.

A bisexual man could have 50/50 attraction to both genders, but if he's horny and sets up a Tinder profile as well as a Grindr profile, he'll get 10-15x more male matches than female. Men are simply much more open to NSA casual sex.

This gives the impression that bi-men are mostly gay when if bi men could get casual sex from women just as easily, we'd be seeing them with an equal number of male to female partners.

@BalladOfBarryAndFreda

Just to make a point, ‘Bisexual’ and ‘pansexual’ aren’t interchangeable terms.

Bisexual = 2 sexes. Men and women.

Pansexual = anything goes. Attracted to men, women, trans, gender fluid, non binary and all that.

Nope, bisexual has been same and different sex attraction for decades. We've never excluded trans people on the whole. I've trans exes, non-binary trans exes too, it doesn't make me less bisexual.

Trans people, gender fluid, and non-binary people still have a sex - it's pretty transphobic to say they don't or that sexuality excludes them without specifically mentioning them.

I personally find that pansexuals tend to focus more on gender as part of their sexual preferences and on the whole tend to view gender as more an important of sexuality than sex compared to bisexuals who don't give a fuck.

Here we go with everything being ‘transphobic’ if it doesn’t centre the transperson.

When you say, “compared to bisexuals who don’t give a fuck”. What does that mean? That bisexual people, because they are attracted to both sexes are just sexual deviants who can’t control their urges? Or perhaps that if you are attracted to men and women, you have to be attracted to the gender rainbow in between, because y’know, bi’s aren’t choosy. That sounds pretty bi-phobic to me.

I am a married bi sexual man - I find women way more attractive however.

I have experienced the whole "you must be gay" before but why would I lie ? I can't control who I am attracted to -and I my doesn't make me more likely to cheat
I have been faithful to my wife who I have been happily married to for over 10 years and I love my DD beyond words.

Sexuality is on a spectrum really and if we ever divorced I would be open to a relationship with either gender - it's more down to the person IMO.

FWIW, I am bisexual (though married for a long time). I think trans ideology and the gender debate is actively homophobic. I very much would not want it to be assumed that I would be happy to see a penis or a ‘neo-vagina’ on a female partner, or vice-versa, just because I’m bi-sexual.

@AryaStarkWolf

Odd isn't how in both cases people automatically think both Bi women and Bi men must really be more into men, I wonder why that is?

This. In spades.

Don't give a fuck about gender, which I thought was obvious from the context Ballad. You're the one who decided bisexuals can't be attracted to trans people and pan people are, that's far more centring trans people than pointing out that it's dehumanizing to make out they aren't included in "two sexes". Gender =/= sex, humans have 2 sexes.

Pan is a gender-centric idea of sexuality, mainly around Anglo-Western ideals of gender. Bisexuality isn't.

EpitomeofAnOldBattle makes some great points, and I think there is something to this cultural idea that we all end up with men, as if sexuality must be centered around men.

Statistically, bi people are more likely to end up with a person of the other sex -- the dating pool of people of the other sex willing to date us and be socially accepted doing so is significantly larger. There are those like febfems (female-exclusive bisexual females), but that many people know bi women with men doesn't mean anything about bisexuality - most people pick a person, and it's going to be one sex or the other.

I think the flip with men is in part of the different hook-up cultures, but also because they're more encouraged to be quiet about it if they're not actively looking to date men at the time and when they are dating men they're encouraged and largely seen by others as gay no matter what they say.

My spouse was warned not to be out for fear that 'if shit does down, they'll put you against the wall'. I've never had such a warning, even growing up in the American Midwest - in part because it's more likely I'd be fetishized compared to him.

I wouldn't go out with a guy that was BI because every guy I have known that was ended up with men in the end
I do believe in male bisexualty , I just personally wouldn't want to take the risk

The risk of my sexuality being fetishized by straight men was why I chose to stop dating them. That to me was a far greater risk, having seen the damage time and again, especially if they try to go poly (the straight man, bi woman is practically a cliche where the man at least will be nasty). The intra-community drama and certain headfuckery when dating lesbians is more annoying than the risks of dating a straight men, but was also part of why I would only consider relationships with other bisexuals.

Comparing those relationships to other bisexuals of both sexes (including my nearly 20 year marriage to a bi man), I think I made the right choice for me. I can see why people would choose not to date bisexuals, it's spoken about often enough, but I rarely see talk about the risks bisexuals take when we get involved with people of other sexualities.

I am a bisexual woman and I would never date a bisexual man.

Yes, I'm generalising, but by and large they will have sex with other men but date / marry women because they know other men won't put up with the drudgery that women are supposed to.

It's a heady mix of homophobia and mysoginy all rolled into one. It's a no from me.

Some people are pansexual - hearts not parts is on slightly cheesy way of putting it. Personally I find some people sexy and it doesn't matter what's between their legs and how that tallies up with their presenting/ identified gender or biological sex.

Bisexual means you like people of two (or more) genders. Back when the prevailing view was 'gender binary' people generally took this to mean ' (cis) men and women'. Now for SOME bi people, this always been and still is what they want. That's fine. For some bi people men and women always has included at least one of trans men and/or trans women, maybe non binary or something else... just two or more of the above really.

Anecdotally, non binary presenting people or androgynous men or women are pretty popular with bisexuals, I guess there's a kind of very special beauty to someone who has a lot of male and female energy.

Tldr: all pansexuals are also bisexual. Not all bisexuals are pansexual. You can call yourself what you like/ feel comfortable with when it comes to sexuality though.

I'm bi and I thought it was really cool to have a bi boyfriend. When we got serious we had a long, serious heart-to-heart about monogamy - specifically, would he be able to be 100% faithful to me when I was not able to give him gay sex experiences. He swore that this was not an issue. Being bi simply meant he could be in a relationship with a male or a female, NOT that he needed to have sex with both.

And so we moved in together and two years down the line he started inviting a gay lad round once a week (whilst I was at work) to fuck him up the bum on our sofa.

When I found out and blew up at him he said "what did you expect? I told you I was bi. We're in it for the long term, and I need to have those experiences as well."

Well, it was a different excuse from all the men who cheat with women I suppose!

@veronicaofmarsthethird

I am a bisexual woman and I would never date a bisexual man.

Yes, I'm generalising, but by and large they will have sex with other men but date / marry women because they know other men won't put up with the drudgery that women are supposed to.

It's a heady mix of homophobia and mysoginy all rolled into one. It's a no from me.

Same here @veronicaofmarsthethird

It's because straight men love the idea of a threesome with girl on girl action and would happily watch. But straight women don't want to watch their men .. ahem.. get it on with anybody else.
This is based on what the many people I've dated + friends say anyway.

Every dude I've dated find my being a by woman v hot =.= and the threesome comments invariably come out. With the women it's jsut not on. Also I'm now with a man because I met and fell in love with him. Dating apps are shit, and LGBT groups IRL hate bi people so much because apparently we have more choice so we should stop ruining it for 'actual gays/lesbians.

Interestingly @EpitomeofAnOldBattle you're right about both male/female energy. The people I've been most attracted to have a hint of both genders. Classic ultra feminine, beautiful women or square-jawed, chiselled manly men have never done it for me...

@veronicaofmarsthethird also agreeing with you

@cookiecreampie

I think gay male sex is more extreme than 2 females together. So if a man likes dick, he's unlikely to settle for a woman. Same for women, I think most bisexual women settle with men. In my opinion.

More extreme? We don’t do it while white water rafting.